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Old 07-20-2009, 02:37 PM
 
89 posts, read 243,058 times
Reputation: 36

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As a mom with foreign background learning how to raise kids in this country, I recently have encountered a situation that confused me so bad that I need to seek opinions here.

A few days ago, I took my 2 year old to a playground. There was this boy, about 4 or 5, who was first rude to my son and them spit on him a few times. My son was scared and didn't know what to do. When I saw that, I went to the boy and said: Stop that please. You're rude. Please say sorry to him.

The boy didn't respond and run away. A few minutes later, he went back and spit on my son again. I couldn't not find who his parent was, then I said: You have to behave well, otherwise I will tell your mom.

All of a sudden, a small group of moms came to me and one of them asked why I critisize this boy. I explained what happened and this woman said: "You don't have the right to critisize other people's kid, only his mom does".

Later my other girl friend told me that I went a little beyond boundary. She said from the parenting BOOK she read, I can only tell my son to stay away from unfriendly kids, but not tell other kids to stop bullying my son. Since she referred to a BOOK, I am concerned that I did actually cross the line.

However, if this is true, what should I do in this situation? Just take my 2 year old away and say nothing?
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Old 07-20-2009, 03:02 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
2,510 posts, read 3,966,277 times
Reputation: 621
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemask View Post
As a mom with foreign background learning how to raise kids in this country, I recently have encountered a situation that confused me so bad that I need to seek opinions here.

A few days ago, I took my 2 year old to a playground. There was this boy, about 4 or 5, who was first rude to my son and them spit on him a few times. My son was scared and didn't know what to do. When I saw that, I went to the boy and said: Stop that please. You're rude. Please say sorry to him.

The boy didn't respond and run away. A few minutes later, he went back and spit on my son again. I couldn't not find who his parent was, then I said: You have to behave well, otherwise I will tell your mom.

All of a sudden, a small group of moms came to me and one of them asked why I critisize this boy. I explained what happened and this woman said: "You don't have the right to critisize other people's kid, only his mom does".

Later my other girl friend told me that I went a little beyond boundary. She said from the parenting BOOK she read, I can only tell my son to stay away from unfriendly kids, but not tell other kids to stop bullying my son. Since she referred to a BOOK, I am concerned that I did actually cross the line.

However, if this is true, what should I do in this situation? Just take my 2 year old away and say nothing?

You were right....they were wrong......only a fool would stand there silently while their child was spit on. While you may not be his parent you were the adult and what you described required an adult to take charge of the situation.
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Old 07-20-2009, 03:10 PM
 
1,235 posts, read 3,947,525 times
Reputation: 277
Well, you had two choices. Just leave quietly or try to tell the boy he was wrong. I don't think you did anything wrong. If parents don't want to parent their children, they are doing their children a huge disservice. I probably would tell the boy that he was being mean and then leave.

So no, you didn't go over the boundary.
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Old 07-20-2009, 03:16 PM
 
Location: The Milky Way Galaxy
2,256 posts, read 6,944,716 times
Reputation: 1520
Nope you didn't go over the boundary at all! I commend you for the way you handled the matter as well. I have long had issues with the way parents are raising their kids nowadays. This is the perfect example of the parent yelling at everyone else instead of their kid when they do something wrong. Its the standard "my angel couldn't have done that" syndrome.

Oh and I don't care what BOOK your girl friend was referring to, the author of that book is part of the problem.

Stick to your guns, there is nothing wrong with what you did
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Old 07-20-2009, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,586,156 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemask View Post
As a mom with foreign background learning how to raise kids in this country, I recently have encountered a situation that confused me so bad that I need to seek opinions here.

A few days ago, I took my 2 year old to a playground. There was this boy, about 4 or 5, who was first rude to my son and them spit on him a few times. My son was scared and didn't know what to do. When I saw that, I went to the boy and said: Stop that please. You're rude. Please say sorry to him.

The boy didn't respond and run away. A few minutes later, he went back and spit on my son again. I couldn't not find who his parent was, then I said: You have to behave well, otherwise I will tell your mom.

All of a sudden, a small group of moms came to me and one of them asked why I critisize this boy. I explained what happened and this woman said: "You don't have the right to critisize other people's kid, only his mom does".

Later my other girl friend told me that I went a little beyond boundary. She said from the parenting BOOK she read, I can only tell my son to stay away from unfriendly kids, but not tell other kids to stop bullying my son. Since she referred to a BOOK, I am concerned that I did actually cross the line.

However, if this is true, what should I do in this situation? Just take my 2 year old away and say nothing?
Let me tell you something. Your job is not to care about what that kid's mom thinks, what those other moms think, what your girlfriends think, or what a book says. Your job is to take care of and protect your two year old son. If that kid had spat on my son, there would be hell to pay. And that family had better hope it was me dealing with it, and not my wife. Never feel bad for taking care of your child.
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Old 07-20-2009, 09:33 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,507 posts, read 5,901,580 times
Reputation: 1452
Default Get loud

oh boy, this just burns me up.

IMO: If this happened to me & my children at a park....I would VERY LOUDLY ANNOUNCE "Oh My GOD!!!!DID YOU JUST SPIT ON MY BABY?????" and see what happens....I think the Mother would come running and the small group of cackling hens that approached you would back off.

If this happens again, take your cell phone out and call the police. Exposing bodily fluids on a minor must have some law against it.
What IF that spitting kid has a disease?

Try this mantra: Nothing comes between this Mother and her babies. NOTHING. Don't feel bad for standing up for yourself. This is America. Welcome !
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Old 07-20-2009, 09:39 PM
 
Location: On the East Coast
51,696 posts, read 15,662,386 times
Reputation: 80920
I agree with what the above poster said and don't feel intimidated by some people who are just plain idiots! Good luck.
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:17 PM
 
3,307 posts, read 9,360,630 times
Reputation: 2428
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewHomeHappy View Post
If this happens again, take your cell phone out and call the police. Exposing bodily fluids on a minor must have some law against it.
What IF that spitting kid has a disease?
LOL... there's no law against kids spitting on other kids. I can't imagine what the policeman's reaction would be. You do realize this happens in school every day? Why do you think elementary school kids get sick all the time?

I think the OP did the right thing by yelling at the other kid, but there's no need for the police to be involved. It's just kids being kids. I guarantee your kid is going to get spit on in school when you're not watching him.
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:35 PM
 
744 posts, read 1,404,228 times
Reputation: 182
No, the line is somewhere around you spitting on the brat.
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:53 AM
 
652 posts, read 1,781,748 times
Reputation: 363
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemask View Post
As a mom with foreign background learning how to raise kids in this country, I recently have encountered a situation that confused me so bad that I need to seek opinions here.

A few days ago, I took my 2 year old to a playground. There was this boy, about 4 or 5, who was first rude to my son and them spit on him a few times. My son was scared and didn't know what to do. When I saw that, I went to the boy and said: Stop that please. You're rude. Please say sorry to him.

The boy didn't respond and run away. A few minutes later, he went back and spit on my son again. I couldn't not find who his parent was, then I said: You have to behave well, otherwise I will tell your mom.

All of a sudden, a small group of moms came to me and one of them asked why I critisize this boy. I explained what happened and this woman said: "You don't have the right to critisize other people's kid, only his mom does".

Later my other girl friend told me that I went a little beyond boundary. She said from the parenting BOOK she read, I can only tell my son to stay away from unfriendly kids, but not tell other kids to stop bullying my son. Since she referred to a BOOK, I am concerned that I did actually cross the line.

However, if this is true, what should I do in this situation? Just take my 2 year old away and say nothing?
I suspect these women were trying to make you go away because you make them feel insecure. In my experience it wouldn't surprise me if one of them had told the boy to do it.
You should have grabbed him and held him there until his mother showed up and then scolded her. I suspect seeing his mom put in her place might have more impact since he probably thinks what he did was ok since she didn't say anything or come forward. Also calling the police would help if only to get it on record that he isn't being properly supervised.
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