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I'm not sure if I can answer all your questions, but I will try. I live in Santa Fe, and I only know one gay person, and as far as I know, she hasn't experienced any problems. (I just recently moved here too, not even a year yet)
I am a teacher, and right now I'm teaching at the preschool level. I am originally from Missouri, and to make a long story short, you have to "look" a certain way to get a teaching job there, I took one in the ghetto, and was asked not to come back. I applied in NM and got an offer within 2 months. Then last summer I got laid off and decided to stay in NM and got the job I currently have. That process also took 2 months. I think its easier getting a job here than it ever was back in Missouri, although Missouri pays more.
For the most part, New Mexico can be friendly. I lived in the eastern part of the state before moving to Santa Fe, and I really enjoyed living in the eastern plains. The atmosphere there was very friendly. Here, in SF, it is friendly, but its very different. What I am saying is (this only applies to me and no one else) customer service is very selective here. I am very observant, I can stand in line with 2 other people in front of me, and each one of them gets greeted and talked to. Then when I get there, I don't get a greeting or even a thank you. Then the person behind me does. This has happened to me a lot, especially in the last few months. Also, I feel like I can't go into any store without feeling like I should leave. No one has ever told me to leave, or even given me a signal that I should leave, but lets just say I don't feel at home here at times. There are days that I do feel at home. Then there are days that I don't. But the golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated" is always a good rule to follow. Even if I'm having a bad day, just treat people right, and usually they will treat you the same.
DiscoInferno, sorry about your experience in SF. When I lived near Scottsdale, AZ I experienced/heard of similar type of stories. It sounds like the snob facor to me...As far as SF, I like the anomymity of larger cities. I love the idea of finding an enclave I feel comfortable in and then having a private, secluded home or townhouse. Also, I like the fact that there are more job opportunities in larger cities. I think that as a gay person, I (and I'm sure most others) are not used to outright bigotry, but the feeling of being, well ignored (like you described), or not included. It is heard to explain, most people are very subtle about it. I agree with another poster that the older the crowd, the more intense the bigotry, generally. I should know, I have 46 years of experience...
In 22 years living in Albuquerque as a gay male I have known lots of gay, lesbian, and gay-friendly people from all age groups and ethnic groups. I would feel comfortable living anywhere around Albuquerque, Santa Fe, and Las Cruces. I have traveled around the state with my partner and never encountered any problems (we never have "public displays of affection") but would prefer not to live in the more isolated areas. I have known gay people in smaller cities like Gallup and Roswell, who grew up there and didn't report any problems. New Mexico is generally a live-and-let-live state.
Santa Fe I think has the first ever LGBT retirement community called Rainbow Vision. From what I understand it has not been that successful and they do welcome non-gay seniors now as well.
As for "safety", well, New Mexico is not known for that compared to other states. We have a high rate of violent crime. But people are moving here all the time so apparently it's not an issue for most people, and it hasn't been one for me. The attractions of New Mexico have always outweighed the down sides for me. For every unsavory character you're likely to encounter, there are dozens of other great people to meet.
I have absolutely nothing against gays as I have family members and a couple of friends that are gay/lesbian but in my opinion, if I were gay, I would head to California. NM may be gay friendly, maybe more so than Texas and Missouri for instance but I think there are people in most states that do not accept that lifestyle, whereas California is very acceptable.
If anything, stick to the cities. Small towns may be a bit close minded.
I have absolutely nothing against gays as I have family members and a couple of friends that are gay/lesbian but in my opinion, if I were gay, I would head to California. NM may be gay friendly, maybe more so than Texas and Missouri for instance but I think there are people in most states that do not accept that lifestyle, whereas California is very acceptable.
If anything, stick to the cities. Small towns may be a bit close minded.
I have known many gays in NM who have moved to California, and also several who moved to NM from California, they got tired of the "California lifestyle" for lack of a better term, and the cost of living here was attractive.
I have known many gays in NM who have moved to California, and also several who moved to NM from California, they got tired of the "California lifestyle" for lack of a better term, and the cost of living here was attractive.
The reason I mentioned it is that my brother and his partner just moved to California. They love it and say it's more gay friendly than Texas.
Location: northern Vermont - previously NM, WA, & MA
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I've been living in Santa Fe for a month and being gay has been a non issue here for me. There are many gays and lesbians in this city, many whom are drawn to it by the creative and artistic energy that thrives here. A lot of them I see at work everyday. My partner and I went up to a bar in Taos and were interacting and chatting with straight tourists and locals alike and it wasn't an issue there either. What I like about Santa Fe is its a good community for those that are over the "scene", been there and done that. You know, the kind of LGBT person that could care less about places like West Hollywood or Boystown/Chicago and want to get away from the rat race yet live in a small city that offers a lot of culture and creativity with plenty of things to do along with a welcoming and accepting community. Though I just got here and I admit I'm in a major honeymoon phase, I'm loving Santa Fe more and more each day.
I am a gay college student who lives in New Mexico. I am a music education major, so we have some in common.
Is New Mexico gay-friendly?
New Mexico is definitely more progressive than many southern and southeastern states. I have A LOT of gay friends, and they live all over the state. Albuquerque, Santa Fe, and Las Cruces are your best bets for gay-friendliness. However, I am from the Farmington area (four corners), and it isn't anti-gay (but not necessarily gay-friendly). I don't think Roswell is ant-gay either. **Warning: You do want to stay away from eastern New Mexico! The eastern portion tends to be very conservative and homophobic (cities like Portales and Clovis). ***
Where to live?
Santa Fe is quite expensive- the very reason why the minimum wage is near $10 an hour (or so some of my friends have explained). Albuquerque is a wonderful place to live- housing and gas prices tend to be on the lower end compared to other parts of the state. Your best bet at finding a job would be in Albuquerque. The city has one of the largest school districts in the nation! I must remind you that education is quite different here in the southwest, though, than what the southeast has- ready yourself for a very different culture.
Rio Rancho, a suburb of ABQ and second largest city in NM, is really affordable. You might think about living there.
Farmington is the shopping/ financial/ medical hub of the four corners area, and it is only about 50 minutes away from Durango, CO. Durango is extremely gay friendly, and the people are quite liberal there. Durango is home to a great ski area/resort and nice restaurants. New Mexico is home to many ski areas, too.
Safety
As for safety, I really never hear of any big problems associated with the safety of the border between New Mexico And Mexico. That issue seems to be a problem more in Texas and California. Albuquerque is the center of crime in New Mexico (just like any larger city), but I do not hear of too many people complaining about the crime.
Extra Info
New Mexico has laws in place that ban housing and workplace discrimination against same-sex couples- that is a plus! New Mexico is so darn gorgeous, and I must say it has some of the most beautiful sunsets!
If you want any more information, just let me know.
I lived in Santa Fe in 1994-95. At the time according to the newspaper the Santa Fe New Mexican it was the 2nd gayest city in the U.S. in terms of % of the population. The article said 31% of the population was gay, only surpassed by Key West, FL at 33%. As a straight single male in his early 30's I'd never been anywhere like it and soon left. Not a hate issue, just didn't care for that kind of attention and had never seen so many angry women in one spot either. As one told me, a lot of newly divorced women moved there to "heal". Beyond all that I've never seen a prettier city under snow. The Hispanic and Native American influences are incredibly interesting. Outdoors recreation is endless. Then again I lived there at the height of the "Santa Fe Style" boom, may be very different now.
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