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Old 08-02-2010, 07:35 AM
 
29 posts, read 44,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleCreek80 View Post
Yes, some people fall in love slower than others do. BUT- if you are not sexually attracted to this girl (your words, not mine), you are in for a world of hurt, my friend. She is going to eventually figure out you're not that attracted to her because it WILL be obvious and she will be devastated and it will Dona lot of damage to her self-image and self-esteem. Imagine being with a girl you're in love with and finding out she has to fantasize about ex-boyfriends, celebrities, her boss, etc to get excited enough to be with you. Talk about a big blow to your self image and manhood. Would you ever really trust the girl after that?

You seem hell-bent on shoving this square peg relationship into the round marriage hole....don't say we warned you when you're married to this girl who is "perfect wife and mother" material and you come across the woman who gives you butterflies and gets you all worked up. You will end up cheating on this girl, I almost guarentee it. Sexual attraction isn't everything, but it's the ONE thing that separates a marriage/romantic relationship from a friendship/roomate agreement.
Yeah, you are right about sexual attraction being the one thing that separates friends from lovers. I guess I wont marry this girl if that attraction doesn't develop, but I want to try dating her to see what happens. In the meantime I can look around a little and tell her I want to take things slow. I know it sounds selfish, but I really do want to try to fall in love with her. If I do...well then it will be amazing for both of us.

I think over the years, my "standards" have gone down significantly. I have realized that it doesn't take a lot for two people to fall in love. I am not looking for the perfect girl--not anymore. I was at a wedding last night and neither the bride or groom are particularly beautiful, but they were so in love with each other. I an Indian couple that had an arranged marriage last year and you would never have known--they were they were whispering in each others ears and trading covert kisses.

Here are a few of my criteria, so you realize that I am not searching for the perfect girl--->(1) We should have a few things in common (2) She should be a sweet, caring person, someone who likes to smile (3) Physically, she should care about how she looks, she can be a bit overweight, but not too much. I should find her attractive, but honestly, it doesnt take a lot for me--I think a lot of girls are attractive. (4) Same values--want a family, kids, eventually live in a suburb, etc..
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Old 08-02-2010, 07:55 AM
 
29 posts, read 44,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktravern View Post
Why in the world would u want a girl ur not sexually attracted to? That just sounds insane. Anyway, you should probably take a look a nomarriage.com b4 u think marriage is such a hot idea. Nowadays it just seems like a way to be able to afford a house.
That is a very interesting site. I am wondering, however, how much of it is from people who never got married who are looking for excuses for why they are happier. We all try to convince ourselves that we are happier with what we have. But I definately want children.

Yeah it does sound insane, but many of the women that I have been sexually attracted to have not been someone I would want to marry. I know they aren't mutually exclusive but it seems tough to find a girl that I am both sexually attracted to and who would make a good mother/wife, etc.
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Old 08-02-2010, 07:56 AM
 
29 posts, read 44,812 times
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Originally Posted by SanD80 View Post
I find this offensive. Not all women are morons.
sorry didnt mean to offend.
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Old 08-02-2010, 08:00 AM
 
29 posts, read 44,812 times
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Originally Posted by Gez137 View Post
You took the one part that was totally a joke...sheesh. Thanks for the jab also, right back at ya. This guy said he had a nice girl, but let her move on. Now has another girl who might be a good fit, but no attraction. You dont get many 'keepers' in life.

My main point is he may have missed the boat or he is one of those people who is looking for the EXACT perfect match. That doesnt exist, thats why I said what you quoted me on. Fact is, the older you get the less desirable your situation to have a family is. It sounds like typical 'nobody is out there for me, minus the girls I hooked up with/blew off/ found faults in'.
It kills me when guys push a couple nice girls aside in their life and then complain about it.

Sounds exactly like a friend I knew who wouldnt marry his girl because she wasnt perfect. Shes got kids and married now and he's a 37 yr old looking for Ms. Perfect. Aint gonna happen.
Yeah, I definately pushed some nice girls aside. I wish I hadn't but I can't change that now. I do regret it and would take many of them back now. What I want from a girl now is very different from the shallow person I was when I let go of those girls. Now I just need to find one.
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Old 08-02-2010, 10:55 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,223 posts, read 5,340,191 times
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My buddy realized one day that he wanted to be married and "getting some woman impregnated as soon as possible" (LOL). He joined match.com dated A LOT (there were some very funny stories) and eventually found a new girlfriend. It didn't work out but about two months later, when he wasn't looking, he met a nice woman in a coffee shop. Within six months they were living together, married last year and just had their first child. They are an attractive couple but not "beautiful" in the traditional sense. I wish I'd been fortunate to find someone that way!

Chill out. You'll find someone (or she'll find you) LOL.
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Old 08-02-2010, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Midcoast Maine
762 posts, read 1,744,908 times
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What biological clock? What a myth.
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Old 08-02-2010, 05:15 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,562,535 times
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Originally Posted by citychik View Post
What biological clock? What a myth.
Maybe for you it is, but for many people this is a very real source of serious consternation. (Not me though; I hate kids.)
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:16 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,223 posts, read 5,340,191 times
Reputation: 1101
So, OP, have you reached any conclusions yet?
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Old 08-04-2010, 01:16 PM
 
29 posts, read 44,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by queensgrl View Post
So, OP, have you reached any conclusions yet?
Well Queensgrl, here is what I am thinking. I am going to date this girl---really give it a real shot. We have so much in common--I actually really enjoy talking to her and I do find her face pretty. Its just her body--she is too thin and flat-chested (I think because she has been a vegetarian her whl. I am trying not to be shallow about this and think that if I spend enough time with her, maybe the sexual attraction will develop. In the meantime, I am also going to look around for other girls. I know thats not the right thing to do, but its so important to me and she is younger (28) and still has time to find someone new, if its not with me. If I do not develop feelings for her after 6 months, then I move on.

I saw an interesting video on happiness recently. The basic conclusion is that the more choice you have, the more unhappy you will be. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but the video convinced me. If you were betrothed at birth, you may never even wonder what it would be like to marry somebody else. If, on the other hand, you have a choice, you might always wonder what its like to be with somebody else and find problems with your own relationship.

Thanks so much for everyone's input. I think this is an issue that is much more common than we men let on. When we feel the "itch" to get married, it is all-consuming. Many of us with strong family backgrounds and family values almost always feel this itch.
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:29 AM
 
420 posts, read 803,116 times
Reputation: 444
Gemini0606-

Do yourself a big, big favor and read this book:

"The Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We're Still Single" by Jillian Strauss.

Trust me, it is worth your time.
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