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I don't understand where the unfriendly NYer stereotype got started. NYers are, for the most part, quite friendly—but they're not "fake" friendly. I feel that the Southern hospitality that people love is all contrived and fake, so it comes as a shock (and can be seen as "rude") when people don't make such an exaggerated effort.
Most people are very friendly and helpful. Just ask the poor girl who I saw fall on a subway station's stairs the other day. People were beyond helpful and concerned.
Ditto what most posters said. NY is not unfriendly, but we are misunderstood. As a NYer we mind our own business and go about our day to day affairs, but someone from a more rural area might not be used to people who seem to just ignore others. Go about your day and you will notice acts of kindness like a person helping a mother with her baby carriage up the subway stairs or a person holding a door open for another. LoL it takes a bit of getting used to. A NYer just wants to go about his/her day and not be bothered to stop and chat with the other 8 million people of this city, but when someone needs help, you can be sure theres a kind soul underneath the emotionless exterior thats willing to help someone out.
The times I've visited NYC, I've been very impressed with the friendliness of people. Of course people are exhausted on the subway; that's understandable.
I have gone up to NYC for business meetings, family visits, and once to accompany my sister, whose husband was undergoing a stem cell transplant for a brain tumor (successful!). At that time, we shared a reduced-rate apartment underwritten by a charity (during his treatment); and volunteers would take us to breakfast every day at a nearby diner. I was VERY impressed with those people, all of them busy, professional, long-time Manhattanites, men and women. They went above and beyond in sharing their time and opening their hearts to people who were going through some hellish times. I'll never forget their kindness.
New Yorkers do nice things for people all the time. I'll never forget my last visit, where I was so drunk staggering through the East Village that I didn't notice, like an idiot, that my Tom Ford sunglasses had fallen off my head. An elderly lady came up to me and asked if they were mine. She said 'these look very expensive, I'm sure you wouldn't want to lose them'. LOL
That's a first, the words "Manhattan" and "Ghetto" being used in the same sentence.
When I think of ghetto behavior in Manhattan, I typically think of the area above 96th Street. Not that every part above 96th is terrible... but that is sort of the traditional unspoken border line (on the UWS at least) where posh ends and gritty starts.
a lot of "manhattanites" aren't new yorkers. they're rich, entitled people from everywhere else
i personally hate brooklynites who get off the subway in manhattan and scream at the top of their lungs because they want the 5 blocks in front of them to know that they're from brooklyn
Living around 8 million people everyday is enough to wear anyone down eventually. I think a lot of times people are just plain tired, exhausted... and it plays out as rudeness. Think about it- in a regular sized town you might have to say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' a few times a day. The pace is slower. In NY, there is no time and who has the energy to say 'excuse me' a thousand times a day??? Being reserved also comes with the territory, as you are constantly be bombarded by people trying to get money from you, sell you something, etc. I think there are some NYers who are truly real a-holes, but the vast majority are just regular people trying to get through the day.
I moved to Chicago from NYC and it's so true. The pace here just sucks. People spend 2 minutes making their mind up at McDonald's. Then I get the fake as hell "hi how are you?" of course nobody cares to listen to the answer. Or at a sit down restaurant "Hi I'm so and so and I'll be your server this evening blah blah blah". But if you should really need them they are nowhere to be found, and should you have a concern they don't really care. It's so fake out here that I miss the NYC forthrightness. Also the perception of New Yorkers here is so poor. I've had many tell me that they would never even go to NYC because people are rude. The reality is quite the opposite IMHO. New Yorkers just get things off their chest and get down to business. I feel midwesterners build up their frustrations behind their ridiculous facades of pleasantries. I actually feel the people here are more rude than in NYC, just my opinion. I have never gotten so much attitude in my life as I got at Saks Fifth on Michigan ave. here. You would never get that at the real Saks Fifth or Bloomingdales or the corner bodega in NYC. The only real difference is the annoyingly fake midwest style pleasantries that I have to deal with while they take twice as long to get anything done. It takes 10 seconds for people to get their cars moving after the light turns green here.
I feel that if a New Yorker is friendly it's genuine. If they are not, then big deal there are 8 million people, go somewhere else. The level of competition in NYC is so high that people actually have to be friendly contrary to popular belief. Here everyone is so "nice" that you never really know how people feel. They see politeness as more of virtue than honesty.
I don't understand where the unfriendly NYer stereotype got started. NYers are, for the most part, quite friendly—but they're not "fake" friendly. I feel that the Southern hospitality that people love is all contrived and fake, so it comes as a shock (and can be seen as "rude") when people don't make such an exaggerated effort.
Most people are very friendly and helpful. Just ask the poor girl who I saw fall on a subway station's stairs the other day. People were beyond helpful and concerned.
Well said. I've held this belief for the longest time. I can't stand that fake niceness. I had a co-worker here in Chicago that for whatever reason (actually come to think of it, it was her overt midwestern fake niceness that annoyed me) I didn't like, and it was clear she didn't like me either. But the amount of effort she put into trying to be nice to me was the most annoying thing I've ever experienced. I could never really fathom what drives people to put so much effort to go out of their way to be perceived as "nice" when I knew she was a competitor and that she didn't like me. It disgusts me to know that they think that people should be so naive as to fall for that fake niceness, like I should be impressed by their fakeness skills. It's like an all out fakeness competition out here. It frankly makes me sick to my stomach.
1. it's only the people who think 'rude' = not being 'fake nice' who think that new yorkers are 'rude'. i personally think being 'fake nice' is quite rude. jmo.
2. if you do encounter niceness or friendliness from a native new yorker (or a long-time resident, say 20 years or longer), you can be 99.9999% sure they're being genuine with you. (needless to say, go with your gut/inner radar no matter who you're dealing with. the longer you've lived here in nyc, the better your radar's gonna be. jmo.)
3. in general, natives and long-time residents conduct themselves with high integrity. why, you ask?imo, it's because many ny'ers went through a shadey, "no integrity" phase as a young adult (i'm talking 18-21 y.o.), which leads to karma pie, which leads to humble pie/'life lessons', which leads to a mature change in mentality/attitude to avoid further karma pie. karma pie tastes nasty, trust me. nyc to me is the 'city of experience', which is why so many are drawn to it. i told this to my ex-roommate from france and he agreed. (he also added that some experiences are painful but c'est la vie.) you can also think of nyc as a city of karma, so there's much spirituality here, but it's not in-your-face group spirituality. it's more of an individual/private thing, probably by divine design.
(#3. is likely colored by personal experience)
I posted this exact same thing (at least points 1 and 2) on the Chicago forum. They didn't like it. Basically fake nice is how I see it exactly. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who feels that way. Secondly it is 100% true, when a New Yorker is nice to you it is genuine. If they are not then that feeling is also genuine and I appreciate that far more than some fake lie. I agree 100% that fakeness is far more rude than being curt with someone. It's also very condescending. I really wish more people were like New Yorkers.
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imo, it's because many ny'ers went through a shadey, "no integrity" phase as a young adult (i'm talking 18-21 y.o.), which leads to karma pie, which leads to humble pie/'life lessons', which leads to a mature change in mentality/attitude to avoid further karma pie. karma pie tastes nasty, trust me. nyc to me is the 'city of experience', which is why so many are drawn to it. i told this to my ex-roommate from france and he agreed. (he also added that some experiences are painful but c'est la vie.) you can also think of nyc as a city of karma, so there's much spirituality here, but it's not in-your-face group spirituality. it's more of an individual/private thing, probably by divine design.
