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Old 08-07-2011, 12:50 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wawaweewa View Post
OP, you sound naive?

When you're in Queens, which type of people stare?

Guyanese Indians do not like Black people in general. They downright hate black Guyanese. There's always been a lot of racial tension in Guyanaa between the two groups. Same goes for Guyanese blacks not liking Guyanese Indians.

People may also stare because your girl is good looking?

It's rude to stare in Western cultures but in others it is not. Their staring is like Western glancing.
Wawa,


I do agree there is some racial tension in Guyana although I think you exagerrate the division to a certain extent. Granted, my own girl was often told while growing up not to go into the black areas in that country.

However, when we are in Richmond Hill ('little Guyana'), we haven't encountered any open hostility from other Carribeans of Indian or African descent. I feel very comfortable walking there with her.

In the last sentence of my OP, I even noted the following:

I don't want to name what groups give us the most stares, but it's not even Indians whom we both feared would give us the most grief!


For the record, my girl is only of half-Indian descent. Her other half is Chinese, Portugese, Carib (Amerindian or Native American), and she even says she has an African ancestor.

My girl's look often changes, depending on her makeup and hair style, and people often can't tell what she is. Or they assume she is of the same race/ethnicity. For example, Indians think she's fully Indian. Mexicans think she's Mexican. Puertoricans think she's Puertorican. Arabs think she's Arab. Some African-Americans think she's a "redbone". Brazilians think she's Brazilian. Time and time again, people come up to her speaking their own language only to discover she only speaks English and is from Guyana.

Yes, she is quite stunning, and that draws even more stares. If she is by herself, people give her compliments, smile at her, talk to her, and try to befriend her. She gets treated very well by the public when it's just her alone.

That totally changes when she is with me. It's as if we have offended some of the public by choosing to be a couple.

You mentioned it's rude to stare in Western cultures, but not in others. Again, I somewhat agree, but I think this dichotomy is somewhat of an overgeneralization again (I tend to do that too!).

The point is we receive stares and mean looks from native New Yorkers and Americans who have lived here for generations. It's just not as frequent as the stares and looks we get from other minorities.
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:56 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by latikeriii View Post
I'm Black and my wife is White/Italian and we rarely get stares. Once in a while someone would look but it's rare. The most stares we've received were from Black girls/women.

I think there are two reasons why you're getting stares:

1. Black-Indian couples are extremely rare. Interracial dating amongst most Indians is rare in general. A lot of people are most likely gawking at the rarity of the couple.

2. The F train from Queens is heavily immigrant and immigrants aren't very "PC". Many will look and will try to make you feel uncomfortable. No doubt that many are plain disgusted too.

I'd guess that most of the looks are from Immigrant Indians and African-Americans correct?

Have thick skin, ignore it. If not, it'll continue to create unnecessary stress or even threaten your relationship.

PS. I know for a fact that a many Indian females "dig' Black guys but their culture is so strongly anti-miscegnation(esp with Blacks), they'd never act on it. My cousin dated an Indian girl for years and her Indian guy friend had to put on an act that he was actually her boyfriend and would always sneak her to my cousin's house. Her parents never found out.

As I noted before, what's interesting is that most of the negative looks aren't from immigrant Indians. I didn't want to mention the groups that look at us the most, but most would be those from Spanish-speaking countries. And, yes, black people look at us often.
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Old 08-07-2011, 01:10 PM
 
12,340 posts, read 26,022,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serenelypanicked View Post
The point is we receive stares and mean looks from native New Yorkers and Americans who have lived here for generations. It's just not as frequent as the stares and looks we get from other minorities.
How do you know how many generations someone's family has been in the US? Just by looking? Does it come out in conversation after they have stared at you so long you just have to speak to them?

And if you are actually speaking to the people who stare rudely at you, what are they saying during the conversation besides telling you that their great grandparents grew up in the US? This would be useful information.
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Old 08-07-2011, 01:13 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistertee View Post
Times have changed, guyanese mingle much more now than ever before. I know many folks who have intermarried between guyanese black and indian. To the OP, I know exactly what you been thru. I used to date a black chick in this city, and I felt a lot of uncomfortable stares. I would ignore it as much as I could, but I know the "celebrity" feeling you are talking about. I felt the same way. Hard to imagne being in NYC but after living in Binghamton, NY I realized racism was alive and kicking in NYC compared to Upstate NY espeically after 9/11. I guess alot of folks may be jealous. Many folks I know want to date Indian chicks (East & West) but find it difficult to engage. So, they're probably upset. It be great to know what type of folks are giving you the most stares.
Agreed 100%.

You're quite right. I have also observed more and more Guyanese Indian with black men (and even the converse). I have also been invited to dinner and parties by other Guyanese Indians. I find them very friendly for the most part in my own personal experience.

I think upstaters like you and I have had our false assumptions of an open NYC challenged when we moved here.

For example, it's so common upstate to see black men with white women and no one blinks an eye. Yet when I came to the city, I saw less of these two groups dating each other (BM & WW), and when I did, I noticed some people looking at them with weird expressions, esepcially if the woman was attractive. I thought to myself, "and this is NYC?"

So I can only imagine what it's like if it's a black woman with a white man! If I had to guess, I would say their experience is akin to my own.
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Old 08-07-2011, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
1,775 posts, read 3,769,287 times
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Maybe they are staring at you because shes a hot looking woman dating a really ugly guy?

Lol. Come on, post a pic and we will tell you why..after reading that colorful description of your Guyanese gf, i want to see her pic now..lol
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Old 08-07-2011, 01:22 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Henna View Post
How do you know how many generations someone's family has been in the US? Just by looking? Does it come out in conversation after they have stared at you so long you just have to speak to them?

And if you are actually speaking to the people who stare rudely at you, what are they saying during the conversation besides telling you that their great grandparents grew up in the US? This would be useful information.

Actually, yes. I have confronted some of the people who stare at us. Sometimes, when I'm uncomfortable, I strike up a conversation with them even when my girlfriend advises me not to.

And what surprises me is those who have actually lived here all their lives and have parents and grand-parents who have lived here.

It seems to me that you have this hidden assumption that it's just the immigrants who act surprised or intolerant.

The stares and looks are not just limited to people who live in areas known for having recent immigrants, although we do receive a greater percentage of stares from them.
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Old 08-07-2011, 01:52 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LegalDiva View Post
Maybe they are staring at you because shes a hot looking woman dating a really ugly guy?

Lol. Come on, post a pic and we will tell you why..after reading that colorful description of your Guyanese gf, i want to see her pic now..lol
You're joking, but you know what? It could actually be one of several explanations. Looks are subjective, and not everyone finds me attractive (I've been told I'm "hot" just as frequently as I've been told I'm "ok" or "ugly"). Perhaps they see us as an odd couple.

But my girl sure is really attracted to me. When I first met her, she would not stop with compliments about my body and face. Yet, her co-worker absolutely hated how I looked! Whatever the case, I've never had trouble attracting high-quality women, and never needed to have a lot of money or excellent social skills to be in a relationship. It's just that some people don't like me or how I look, and you can't please everyone. I'm sure most here would agree.

However, that's not a reason to be mean or rude to a stranger you don't know.

The rude looks and stares have only occurred while I'm with my current girlfriend - and only in NYC of all places. I think there's a kernel of truth in what many people in this thread have said.

The point is, we are thinking of moving. There are more problems we have with the city than the hostility we have faced while together. Add that to the fact that we have been to other cities and places in the country and were treated like a "normal" couple.

Last edited by serenelypanicked; 08-07-2011 at 02:01 PM..
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
25,341 posts, read 36,853,897 times
Reputation: 12735
I don't get it?
Here's a picture googled with "Guyanese people"

I don't see anyone who looks like Mai Britt (Sammy Davis Jr's Swedish wife.)

How odd would it seem to drop a more African-lookking man into the mix?
What am I missing here?

If I saw any of these cocoa colored people with a man who was jet-black I wouldn't even notice, nor would anyone I know.
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:07 PM
 
12 posts, read 89,305 times
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Kefir, one picture does not accurately depict a whole country. Guyana is more mixed than you realize.

What if I posted a picture of Harlem and said America must be a black country because all I see are black people?
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Old 08-07-2011, 02:11 PM
 
12,340 posts, read 26,022,073 times
Reputation: 10350
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenelypanicked View Post
It seems to me that you have this hidden assumption that it's just the immigrants who act surprised or intolerant.

The stares and looks are not just limited to people who live in areas known for having recent immigrants, although we do receive a greater percentage of stares from them.
No, I have no assumptions. It seemed odd to me that you knew so much about those who stare at you (like where their grandparents were from). Well, now you're adding more information -- turns out you talk to these people who hate you-- and frequently!! Wouldn't this have been useful information to include in the original post?

And since now it is clear you are speaking to so many of them, aren't you going to tell us what are they saying?
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