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Another comment, about the cleaning services. The woman I knew would go down to the garbage and retrieve everything after the service the city had sent left. On such excursions, she would find more things in the trash as she looked for her own ...
Her children were removed four times because of the hoarding. When the ACS people came, she would put everything into garbage bags and hide them on the roof (she lived on the top floor) bringing them back down when they were gone. Oddly, she would then leave everything in the bags, bringing in more junk immediately and piling it up on the garbage bags.
Sadly, she was one of the most intelligent and creative people I have ever known. Also depressed, as you commented, I think.
You are a very caring and compassionate person, I commend you.
This task won't win you any awards or kudos unfortunately. The hoarder may dislike you for interrupting her life. Now I do stand with you and feel the same that this needs to be done, also in a way that doesn't alert authorities which may lead to an eviction.
Maybe an organizer might be first to call. I don't know if there are free services out there but if she could pay for the services this might do it.
Speaking for myself growing up when it came time for cleaning up I always was slow in doing it whereas my sisters cleaned quickly and would get mad at me then proceed to clean for me. This made me angry because I wanted to control my own mess and wanted to decide what got kept or what got thrown out. I'm saying this because I can relate to how a hoarder must feel when pressed to rush to clean. They want to go over everything but on the flip side people helping want the hoarder to quickly clean since w/ all the junk it would take until the end of the world to go through all the mess. There needs to be a middle ground. Just try to find someone who can walk that fine line to help her, knowing when to press and when to let up a little.
Op this is going to take some time. I'll pray for strength for you because this will be a massive undertaking for you. Keep us updated on how things turn out.
You are extremely compassionate, and I really hope you can help her. Sooner or later she will be evicted--landlords hate hoarders because they affect the quality of life for everyone else in the building. But I doubt you will have much success, that seems to be a particularly tenacious delusion.
As others have stated you truly are a very compassionate person and I sincerely applaud you for that!
Hoarders are not mentally ill but it is a sickness, and they really are incapable of changing their hoarding lifestyle without serious help or intervention.
I do understand from a tenants point of view that extreme hoarding can become a health issue, even a safety or fire hazard, but in order to truly help them they will require therapy. Their behavior is not unlike that of an alcoholic or a drug abuser. Most are acting out from issues in their life that even they may be consciously unaware of.
I've known one hoarder very well and watched as the heap grew and grew...a lovely huge 2 bedroom luxury apartment filled with so much crap that you had only narrow walk spaces to navigate through. The bed had so much stuff on it that she had to sleep on the sofa, of course with a nonsensical excuse (there's ALWAYS an excuse)...the dog died in the bedroom.
The NEW dog was allowed to shyt on the floor and the hardwood got ruined and the place smelled to high heaven.
I tried and tried to get her to start tossing and she'd put together a small bag and toss it, but quickly replace it with 2 bags of TREASURE that she found in a compactor. Imagine about 5 on-functioning computers, broken 14 inch monitors, thousands of useless cables, and enough junky dresses to clothe Bangladesh! Hundreds of grocery bags on every inch of floor filled with detritus.
And filled ashtrays everywhere making the place smell like a sleazy bar at 4 AM (before non-smoking ordinances.)
I finally told her I will not go in anymore...I DIDN"T say "becasue it makes me physically ill."
When she moved (to a smaller place becasue of finances) she asked me "How can I move all this stuff after 20 years" I said "with a steamshovel and a couple large commercial trash containers." I wonder if she got the irony?
She is now living 2 years in her new place having saved about HALF her crap...all still in boxes filling her "living room and bedroom."
These cases are truly hopeless in spite of any TV show that attempts to show otherwise.
I think it is caused by childhood poverty when every little "thing" seemed something of value.
I have the slightest touch of it and felt like my heart was being ripped out when I had to throw away 1000 LP's to move to a smaller Manhattan apartment. But at least they had USE.
There are a lot of reasons. I guess childhood poverty could be one of them. Another common theme amoungst hoarders seems to be some kind of "loss" in their life: a home, a loved one, a pet, etc. and they now want to hold on to everything for fear of losing anything. Some know they have a problem, get super depressed and it gets worse. Others know they have a problem and they seek help and it gets better.
On a side note, have you ever seen those people with their CARS filled to the brim with junk??? OMG... I've seen them. I actuallly went up to one once (the owner must have been in the store) and it was just filled with those weekly free papers, yarn, cans, papers, containers, clothes, and other "stuff" It was so weird!
There are a lot of reasons. I guess childhood poverty could be one of them. Another common theme amoungst hoarders seems to be some kind of "loss" in their life: a home, a loved one, a pet, etc. and they now want to hold on to everything for fear of losing anything. Some know they have a problem, get super depressed and it gets worse. Others know they have a problem and they seek help and it gets better.
On a side note, have you ever seen those people with their CARS filled to the brim with junk??? OMG... I've seen them. I actuallly went up to one once (the owner must have been in the store) and it was just filled with those weekly free papers, yarn, cans, papers, containers, clothes, and other "stuff" It was so weird!
I used to be in animal rescue and was a foster home for a group. One member, that I liked, got fired, so to speak. I didn't quite understand why until now. She and I would go for a drive to pick up food donations. She would get in my car, and I was overwhelmed by the smell. It was a vomit type odor. Her shirt would be stained. She loved her bearded collies and housed many of them in her home, which she never let me see inside. She talked about all the crates. Her car was loaded down, just as you are talking about. She got mad at me, and cut off contact.
I knew she had psychological problems, but was never able to put a label on it until now. I hope someone came to her aid - and the aid of all those dogs she had responsibility for.
I just don't know what to do. I think if I turn my back on her and do not intervene, it would be crueler than confronting her. But I don't want to get her into trouble. I have to read through more of the links provided, but it seems like most of them say to hire a cleaning service. I took pictures with my phone, in case that comes in handy.
The poor kitty, tonight rolled on the floor to play with me. She got up and was covered in shredded paper and dust. There is no place for me to sit and play with the cat. I can barely walk through the paths to get to the kitchen and bathroom without almost knocking something over. I saw a big flying insect this time (it was too dark to tell what it was, but I don't think it was a fly). I've seen mosquitos, gnat-like bugs, and crawling things in there. I roll my pants up and spray myself with Off before going in.
*sigh*
I always leave there feeling extremely low.
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This made me angry because I wanted to control my own mess and wanted to decide what got kept or what got thrown out. I'm saying this because I can relate to how a hoarder must feel when pressed to rush to clean. They want to go over everything but on the flip side people helping want the hoarder to quickly clean since w/ all the junk it would take until the end of the world to go through all the mess. There needs to be a middle ground. Just try to find someone who can walk that fine line to help her, knowing when to press and when to let up a little.
