Never feeling settled in apartments? (Florida, Hope: renter, how much, home)
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The replies all seem to assume you have never settled in an apartment, but I interpret your posting as just referring to these two specific places. Maybe you just were pushed into things that weren't your first choice, and next time will be better. Besides the parental element is probably in part the luxury of knowing that there was someone else to be worrying about any problems.
I don't know why this is...but I never really felt "at home" at either of the apartments I rented. I always feel like I'm just living on someone else's property (which I am) and not like I can be totally comfortable there. I know people who rent apartments and spend thousands to renovate them, improve them and it's not even their property. I could never see myself doing that only to increase the landlord's property value.
I am going through an incident now with my landlord giving me 30 days notice to vacate so her soon to be divorced husband can take my apartment. I have lived here since 2005 and am scared ****less. She hasn't officially served me yet (just verbal) but I know it's coming.
The last time I remember really feeling comfortable and at home was when I lived at home with my parents.
I am not in a financial position (yet) to be an owner but I can't wait to be. Renting stinks.
Just had to share my thoughts for the day
This could have to do with something more like your own personal feng shui than anything else. When I was looking for a place, I saw dozens of places and even though many had similar sized rooms (many buildings I was looking in were pre-war 6-story buildings), I felt good in some and not in others due to the layout and what was out the windows and where the apartment was in relation to others on the floor. I usually knew the moment I walked in the door whether it felt right.
Perhaps you need to look at more options so you can get this sense. Also you might not feel at home if you are living in owner-occupied houses and not apartment buildings. I used to live in a house that had four units with the landlord on the first floor and I always felt kind of "watched" even if they weren't watching. Just a feeling.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but living in a large anonymous apartment building can sometimes give you the sense of your own place much more so than living in a unit in a house. I think the anonymity of a large building gives you more privacy and more of a sense of being able to do what you want without others' permission or knowledge.
I don't know why this is...but I never really felt "at home" at either of the apartments I rented. I always feel like I'm just living on someone else's property (which I am) and not like I can be totally comfortable there. I know people who rent apartments and spend thousands to renovate them, improve them and it's not even their property. I could never see myself doing that only to increase the landlord's property value.
I am going through an incident now with my landlord giving me 30 days notice to vacate so her soon to be divorced husband can take my apartment. I have lived here since 2005 and am scared ****less. She hasn't officially served me yet (just verbal) but I know it's coming.
The last time I remember really feeling comfortable and at home was when I lived at home with my parents.
I am not in a financial position (yet) to be an owner but I can't wait to be. Renting stinks.
Just had to share my thoughts for the day
I can relate. Even a coop or condo does not feel like a home.
Most importantly, what are you doing to improve your financial circumstance; and, toward becoming a homeowner?
What's the plan?
Short term, you need the money to get a new place and to move.
Long term, you need to start to seriously earn and SAVE!
I get the feeling there isn't a plan, which is why you are fearful. Perhaps, the good folk here can provide useful advice, if you are willing to be open.
Self sufficiency and self determination, begins with a single step of the mind. Look at this as an opportunity to change your life. You simply need to make the correct choices and decisions, and follow through.
It has nothing to do with renting. For people who had happy childhoods, nothing feels like our childhood homes.
I'm almost 50, and I still feel this way even though I've been a homeowner for over 20 years.
Absolute truth!
The exception are those fortunate folk who inherit their childhood homes. Move into and raise their own families. Often living with multigenerations in the home.
Since the day my family sold our last home in NYC, where I had lived on and off since 20 or so, i have felt homeless or perhaps more accurately rootless. Even my parents new home in Florida did not feel like home.
I think also for many NYers, neighborhood change has much to do with that feeling. It is not only home and parents, but COMMUNITY!
When neighborhoods *change* the capability to "go home" is forever lost.
You are right, maybe that is what it is, I grew up in a house that was so comfortable and inviting. AND fully paid for, which is unheard of here in the city. My grandparents purchased it in the 40s for about $5,000.00. Now it is appraised in the mid-$300s. But sadly, it is falling apart and my grandmother still lives in it and it needs to be sold. Working on that.
Why not buy it?
Will grandma give it to you?
Then, you'd have a home which you could gradually fix up over time.
Did you post sometime ago inquiring about the issue of grandma and her home?
This could have to do with something more like your own personal feng shui than anything else. When I was looking for a place, I saw dozens of places and even though many had similar sized rooms (many buildings I was looking in were pre-war 6-story buildings), I felt good in some and not in others due to the layout and what was out the windows and where the apartment was in relation to others on the floor. I usually knew the moment I walked in the door whether it felt right.
Perhaps you need to look at more options so you can get this sense. Also you might not feel at home if you are living in owner-occupied houses and not apartment buildings. I used to live in a house that had four units with the landlord on the first floor and I always felt kind of "watched" even if they weren't watching. Just a feeling.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but living in a large anonymous apartment building can sometimes give you the sense of your own place much more so than living in a unit in a house. I think the anonymity of a large building gives you more privacy and more of a sense of being able to do what you want without others' permission or knowledge.
I wholly disagree with the above!
How could anonymity ever be a part of "HOME"?? Anonymity is precisely the opposite!!
Knowing no one, being unknown is not home. Knowing and being part of all around is home.
I think only a person raised in such an anonymously cold environment could think that way. Or, someone needing anonymity, needing NOT to be "known". Perhaps someone seeking asylum form the mores of a small town and/or conservative environment, and the like. Which I suppose is why Gay people, eccentric, odd personalities, creative types, find solace and "home" and even community in NYC.
"Home" in NYC is a neighborhood where you are known. In childhood you are couched and nurtured by your "village". Are there anymore "homes" in NYC???
Places where a child is known. All the neighbors know you. The teachers live in and are part of the neighborhood. Places where the teacher just doesn't call your mother, she stops by on her way home!! The shop keepers all live in the neighborhood, they all know you and the parents you belong to. "I'm going to speak to your mother!" Is the most feared phrase. Do anything out of order and your parents will know.
When I was a kid, I rarely needed money. I could go into any shop from Mr. Prep on Flatbush, to Patio Cleaners, to Goldberg's Luncheonette, to Dilberger's drug store, and simply utter these magical words, "My mother said...." no one ever said, "Who is your mother"?
I recall vivid memories of as a boy, my friends and I telling off color jokes to the little girls on the block. One of the parents happened to hear, and came to his door and gave one heck of a blasting. Another parent heard the commotion from his home across the street. The father came out and all you heard was the deathnell call of his son's name. The first father threatened tell the parents of all involved. There was a chain reaction of punishment and discipline. The enforcement of COMMON VALUES! "Community!" It was not the first nor the last time such occurred.
Little Boy: There once was a horse named, "Nobody". Whose D would you S?
Little Girl: Nobody's!!
Little Boys: Hahaha...
To this day, my friends and I recall this, and laugh at our innocence and naivete.
I recall growing into young adulthood, and the pride parents took, not only in their own children, but in the achievements and accomplishments of all the children of the block and neighborhood. Pride of block, neighborhood, community! Just like any small town in America, that is what NYC neighborhoods USED to be like.
This is something you suburban Transplants can never know, and likely can't imagine in NYC. I find it sad that there are also NYers, having grown up in dense urban areas of (as Henna describes) anonymous apartments buildings. Those of you who seem to think that, grass and trees, yards and backyards, cars, driveways and garages, aren't a part of the NYC experience.
One strong reason I have enmity toward 'white ethnics', 'white flighters', redlining, 'The Great Society', Liberal values, Transplants, the government of the city and state of NY, political machines, is because collectively, they are the destroyers of neighborhoods, the destroyers of "Home".
The exception are those fortunate folk who inherit their childhood homes. Move into and raise their own families. Often living with multigenerations in the home.
Three of my girlfriends bought their childhood houses from their parents. All of them were slightly uncomfortable because they felt they couldn't change anything to make the houses their own. (It was just psychological. Their parents didn't make them feel that way.) They eventually got over it to an extent but not entirely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcoltrane
Since the day my family sold our last home in NYC, where I had lived on and off since 20 or so, i have felt homeless or perhaps more accurately rootless. Even my parents new home in Florida did not feel like home.
Yep, home is where you grew up, not where your parents live (if they relocate in retirement), even though parents are who made the house a home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcoltrane
I think also for many NYers, neighborhood change has much to do with that feeling. It is not only home and parents, but COMMUNITY!
When neighborhoods *change* the capability to "go home" is forever lost.
I live very close to the neighborhood I grew up in. Most of the families are still there. Many of the children I grew up with own homes in the neighborhood, multiple children buying homes on the same street as their parents. My children's sitter/Godmother lived 10 houses down from my parents' home. I'm always in that neighborhood visiting people, walking down the streets, hanging out at the parks, etc.
Even though my friends and neighbors are still there and I'm very close to all of them, the neighborhood is no longer home. It hasn't been home since my parents died and we sold the house. My parents were the brick and mortar that made that neighborhood a home. The neighbors were just window dressing, and their still being there gives the illusion of home. But the illusion can't hide the fact that my parents are no longer there. I'm the type of person who can't live with many reminders. I'm not the type of person who can buy my parent's house and comfortably live in it. There'd always be something missing.
How could anonymity ever be a part of "HOME"?? Anonymity is precisely the opposite!!
Knowing no one, being unknown is not home. Knowing and being part of all around is home.
I think only a person raised in such an anonymously cold environment could think that way. Or, someone needing anonymity, needing NOT to be "known". Perhaps someone seeking asylum form the mores of a small town and/or conservative environment, and the like. Which I suppose is why Gay people, eccentric, odd personalities, creative types, find solace and "home" and even community in NYC.
"Home" in NYC is a neighborhood where you are known. In childhood you are couched and nurtured by your "village". Are there anymore "homes" in NYC???
Places where a child is known. All the neighbors know you. The teachers live in and are part of the neighborhood. Places where the teacher just doesn't call your mother, she stops by on her way home!! The shop keepers all live in the neighborhood, they all know you and the parents you belong to. "I'm going to speak to your mother!" Is the most feared phrase. Do anything out of order and your parents will know.
When I was a kid, I rarely needed money. I could go into any shop from Mr. Prep on Flatbush, to Patio Cleaners, to Goldberg's Luncheonette, to Dilberger's drug store, and simply utter these magical words, "My mother said...." no one ever said, "Who is your mother"?
I recall vivid memories of as a boy, my friends and I telling off color jokes to the little girls on the block. One of the parents happened to hear, and came to his door and gave one heck of a blasting. Another parent heard the commotion from his home across the street. The father came out and all you heard was the deathnell call of his son's name. The first father threatened tell the parents of all involved. There was a chain reaction of punishment and discipline. The enforcement of COMMON VALUES! "Community!" It was not the first nor the last time such occurred.
Little Boy: There once was a horse named, "Nobody". Whose D would you S?
Little Girl: Nobody's!!
Little Boys: Hahaha...
To this day, my friends and I recall this, and laugh at our innocence and naivete.
I recall growing into young adulthood, and the pride parents took, not only in their own children, but in the achievements and accomplishments of all the children of the block and neighborhood. Pride of block, neighborhood, community! Just like any small town in America, that is what NYC neighborhoods USED to be like.
This is something you suburban Transplants can never know, and likely can't imagine in NYC. I find it sad that there are also NYers, having grown up in dense urban areas of (as Henna describes) anonymous apartments buildings. Those of you who seem to think that, grass and trees, yards and backyards, cars, driveways and garages, aren't a part of the NYC experience.
One strong reason I have enmity toward 'white ethnics', 'white flighters', redlining, 'The Great Society', Liberal values, Transplants, the government of the city and state of NY, political machines, is because collectively, they are the destroyers of neighborhoods, the destroyers of "Home".
/jcoltrane
Well, I got too bored to make it all the way through your post, but I gather you missed my point. What I'm saying is it's possible she feels "watched" when living in an apartment in a small house that someone else owns and probably lives in as well and I'm suggesting other NYC options that might be better that than, given that she doesn't have the funds to buy a house.
So you don't agree with me. That's fine, but do you need to write an epistle?
Well, I got too bored to make it all the way through your post, but I gather you missed my point. What I'm saying is it's possible she feels "watched" when living in an apartment in a small house that someone else owns and probably lives in as well and I'm suggesting other NYC options that might be better that than, given that she doesn't have the funds to buy a house.
So you don't agree with me. That's fine, but do you need to write an epistle?
No, I didn't miss your point. You are off point.
It is MORE THAN OBVIOUS that "being watched" is NOT her issue!!
Paraphrasing, she misses her HOME, and an apartment can never be home. If you had bothered to read the whole post, she even examples people who spend fortunes to renovate and fix rental apartments, and that she could never do that for property that is not hers! I believe, for her, only a house can be a "home". I fully agree.
Is there a comprehension problem on your part? As "settled" has little to do with being "watched"! You've got to pay attention.
If you got "bored", it is because you did not comprehend what the thread was about. Either that, or you never had a "home" so its difficult to relate, which is one thing I mention in my post.
****
I NEED to write whatever I choose and to express my thoughts and opinions, as I choose. If you have attention deficit disorder its not my problem. If you have a problem with substantive posting, again, not my problem.
Also, note, that your longer than average post was completely erroneous. So, what was the point of the time spent reading that? Quite a lot, as it turns out....
****
Btw, one can only wonder what you were up to which caused you to be so paranoid of your landlord....
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