How can I leave poverty and public housing?

[Forest_Hills_Daddy]

Set dating and job hunting aside for now and just focus on getting good grades. A degree in engineering will get you places someday.

[NyWriterdude]

Originally Posted by Discouragedcitizen

Hi guys, thank you for all the kind comments. Sorry it has taken me so long to reply.

On campus recruiting seems like a good idea. I personally have begun to take advantage of services offered on campus, such as resume critiques and mock interviews. Also, I have begun to know some of the career people on a personal level, but I still do not know how to take advantage of recruiting. When I was on campus last semester, it had appeared to me that most were unwilling to hire freshmen.

Some people suggest that I simply get an internship the next summer and the following summer, but I fear that it is not so simple. There are people who are infinitely more qualified than I am, whether because they have experience due to something which I don't have access to, or because I feel I am incapable. I mean, sure I can apply, but what are the chances that I'll be accepted. As you might see, this fear of being left behind and possibly not being successful is a real one.

For example, I was interviewing for a project team on campus, and I had failed the interview because one of the interviewers (who later became a friend) told me that I was acting too nervous and shaky, and was making the other people feel uncomfortable. While I had great ideas and enjoy playing and using ideas, I have some very deep confidence issues to this day, many which stem from my insecurities due to race and poverty.

In terms of making connections, I really don't know what this involves. I'm really good with making casual contact with people (i.e., people who know my name, and will say hi to me, but never hang out), but how exactly does this change into a connection.

About cheapness, I certainly feel that is a problem. In my attempt to save money, I don't even want to spend it on things that I feel would be good for me or are even necessary. This brings me to another question: how can I start saving money and learn how to make investments. It might not be the best idea to make actual investments while still in school, because with the way fin. aid works, I'll have to pay a large portion of that back, but learning how to diversify my sources of income is a skill I feel will be very important in the future. What's a good way to learn this?

In terms of dating/drugs, I was never the kind of person to experiment with drugs, so I don't have to worry about that. The advice about birth control is certainly a good idea, since I am in no condition to begin providing for kids. While I am on this topic, I would like to express my frustration about the whole dating situation. The people who I would want to be dating I feel are out of my reach due to my race and my socio-economic status. While I would really hope that people are less superficial about things like this, my experience is that this matters a lot. Yes, even people of my same race are avoiding guys of my race, because of the negative connotations involved.

skinnayyy, which engineering professions are "crumbling at the core"? I'm currently on the MechE track, which I will try out next semester. If I end up not liking it, I am not too far behind in switching to another track.

I think it is true I care too much about appearances. What I've noticed is that I really do care about what other people think, and how that affects me. Unfortunately, that is something I need to work on.

My confidence issue is real; I've always had it, and I need to begin taking steps to change it. I feel that there are always people who are smarter than I am, and I cannot measure up to that standard, and that people negatively judge me for all the wrong reasons. I've been going to a counselor on-campus since beginning of last semester, but I felt that she largely does not understand my struggles and is unable to help me. How does this confidence issue not make sense? I feel that I'm inherently inferior, that I'll be looked down upon due to things out of my control.

Here is one thing that will help you big time. Nobody cares about you. This is true of us all . No one cares. Life will go on regardless of whether you succeed or not.

So the best thing I can tell you to do is to stop whining period. Make no excuses, because no one will care. No one will ultimately care about your family background, whatever issues you have with it, etc. There are plenty of other people with degrees that can be hired.

Stop looking for pity or sympathy, as it gets you nowhere in the world. Man up (even if you're female) and go out there and do what you have to do. Or not, but if you don't, it makes to difference to no one. Its a harsh world out there.

[mrk321]

If this post is on the up and up, a couple of suggestions on top of the great advice everyone else has given you. First, find a Toastmasters club. Toastmasters will help you with your public speaking and interpersonal skills. You'll become much more comfortable speaking with people regardless of whether or not it's a job interview or cocktail hour. They meet maybe once or twice a month for about an hour and a half and they are everywhere in the city. Your school might already have one. They're free but if you join and do the program, I think it costs less than $100 a year or something like that. I highly recommend this.

Second, read autobiographies of people who made it but started out from humble beginnings. Hearing how other people did it is always encouraging.

Third, always remember, nothing succeeds like success. Work hard, do well and the rest will follow.

Fourth, a great book to read is "Blue Collar Roots, White Collar Dreams" by Alfred Lubrano. It talks about the very real challenges that people face when moving up the social ladder. Earning the money needed is often half the battle. Learning to navigate a new social class has very real challenges.

Fifth - I wish you well. Just look at the number of responses. Everyone loves a rags to riches story. If you can't do it here, you probably can't do it anywhere. So good luck and godspeed.

[DAS]

[quote=Harlem resident;29920529]I can relate ... and I wonder about the lack of confidence as well. Does not make sense. /QUOTE]

To the OP you have been given a lot of good advice here read over it carefully and take notes. Then outline a plan to implement what is possible for yourself in the near future and what you can implement later on.

You may be a little shy and you may not feel comfortable networking yet. This is very common at your age and has nothing to do with your background. Just take baby steps saying hello to people you see often that appear interested in getting to know you. Sometimes it may not work or you just feel awkward,but like anything else practice makes perfect and you will become very good at it after awhile. Just learn from the mishaps and keep pressing forward. DoN't dwell on mistakes made while socializing. We all make them.

Please don't ever be ashamed of your parents no one else in this world is going to do for you what they have done. They seem to be excellent parents. You DON't need to be around anyone that would put them down for who they are or where they live or their economic class. Be proud of them and their ability to raise you to be the motivated intelligent person you are.

Also while you are going going through this period perfecting your social and networking skills and building your confidence may I suggest not reading this forum for awhile. There are always threads going on about people living in the projects and all the negativity that exist without a mention of families like yours. Until your confidence is rock solid (and it will be as you work on it) don't feed on these threads or even look at the forum for awhile so you be tempted to read them. They will continue to erode your confidence, which you basically state by admitting that you hesitated to post your questions.

I wouldn't worry about staying with your parents on holidays or in the summer, you have made it this far which proves you are a strong willed person.

I like that you already want to learn to manage your money. May I suggest starting with a book on personal finance.

Best wishes, keep your sunglasses close by your future is looking bright.

[Kefir King]

Marry Well!

[Forest_Hills_Daddy]

/\/\

That's just what the craigslist killer had tried to do. Almost got away with it. Hehehe!

[Nudetypist]

Alright man, you are the exact younger version of me. Here's my background so you know just how similar:

• Grew up in low income housing
• Parents do not speak English and have no money
• I went to a very good engineering school, with no financial assistance from parents
• Had a bank account fluctuation balance of $200-$2000 throughout college
• Did not break $6 an hour jobs until my junior year of college
• Also felt guilty spending more than $3 on lunch due to poorness (inflation, it was possible back then)
• Also wanted to learn investment, but never got to it until my mid 20s
• Have the same racial difficulties as you, and although it is somewhat apparent, it's really no difficulty once you overcome the mentality
• And to this day, no one has ever helped me land a job. I've gotten it all myself, without connections. You can too!

With that said, I'm almost 30 and considered upper middle class now. Here's my advice to you:

• Get a job that pays over $10 an hour and work through college. Save that money for your debt. I paid off my 35k debt in 9 months after graduation because I was able to save so much during college. You will want to get rid of debt as quickly as possible, so save your money.
• After graduation, continue living at home until you've paid off your debt and saved 40-50k. Once you start paying rent, it will be very tough to save money. This might seem a lot to someone poor, but once you land a job and not have to pay rent, you can save a lot.
• Get a job immediately after college. This is the hard part but as a fellow engineering major, I can tell you the economy is picking up a lot recently. You will definitely be able to land a job, it's just a matter of how much starting salary. I started low because to a poor person, anything over 30k seemed like the jackpot at the time.
• Invest your savings no later than age 25. Putting your money in the bank is useless. You can always make money in the market if you know what you're doing. I would wait until the next big drop (500 points or more) and then jump in. Buy safe stocks like Johnson and Johnson, Proctor Gamble, Altria (cigarettes), McDonalds, AT&T. These are stocks that pay dividends and pretty safe due to their big brands and large portfolio of products.
• Never stop the job hunt! That was my biggest regret, staying with the same company for too long due to loyalty. Do not feel obligated to stay with an employer just because they offered you a job, it's a business and you need to jump around to earn more money.
• Get a credit card as soon as possible! This is unheard of for poor folks, but it's important to build your credit early. Even if you just charge your cellphone bill to it every month, that's all it takes. Open at least 3-4 credit cards by age 25. The more the better because it improves your debt to credit ratio.
• Most importantly, be confident! That goes for your personal life and work. I was an introvert too but faked my confidence when it mattered. Just keep telling yourself NOT to stutter or sound nervous. I was also able to land a pretty hot girlfriend at an 80% male engineering school, so it worked!

That's the advice I can give you from one former low income peasant to another. I must admit, there were times, as recently as last year that I thought the poverty cycle would never end. Then I realized it really was just all about being proactive with my employment search. There's a high paying job out there if you just look for it. Keep that in mind when you have some work experience.


Feel free to message me if you have personal questions. Good luck!