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Go around your typical Bronx, Brooklyn and even in your own Harlem hoods and you see what I mean. Take a trip on to the subway, and you will see what I mean. But its truth that people make choices for better or worse and she be held accountable.
I know exactly what you mean.
But that is not all women.
I just wanted to make that point, which also raises the idea that there are various choices. "I'm a single mother !" is not a natural condition that is somehow just visited upon a person. It is the result of a deliberate choice or set of choices and should be evaluated as such.
Why do young women decide to get pregnant when they can not support their child and do not have the baby's daddy's full financial backing? With all the available birth control it seems like its more of an irresponsible choice than an accident.
At this point the shelter system is completely out of control, and Bloomberg is the only one trying to get some sort of handle on it. Word is out that NYC will house you, and it's been a free for all on lifetime housing for anyone that shows up in NYC for a few decades now, and it's been really accelerating over the past decade, particularly as the economy has deteriorated.
Just recently my uncle's stepson who does not work (and never has however he did serve in Iraq/Iran) was seeking an apt with some sort of Veteran's benefits which pays a portion of his rent. He found one, lost the apt somehow (he won't say how), and moved in with his grandmother. But now he wants his own apt, so he married his girlfriend and is now in the shelter, presumably because a married Vet gets priority. He can work, he can save for his own apt...but why bother when the city will get you an apt for $250 out of your pocket FOR LIFE. No more worries about anything ever..just pay the $250 portion of your rent and you are set...FOR LIFE.
PS-This is how his grandmother got her apt. Her daughter, instead of taking care of her, sent her to the shelter so the city would house her. And like magic, she received a brand new apt (after about 4 or 5 months in the shelter), and pays $200 for a 1 bedroom (some program pays the difference) FOR LIFE.
How long can the city sustain this? I believe everyone deserves housing, regardless of their situation or the choices they made because we are better off as a society with people's basic needs met than having them live in the streets..1st world vs 3rd world. HOWEVER, it should not be NYC's responsibility to house everyone in the US (and it's territories) just because they come knocking on their door..and as it stands now that's exactly the law in NYC. There needs to be a national policy...every city/state needs the same requirement/law...so that they can take care of their own residents.
There's still time to give the baby up for adoption.
OP complains about a lack of privacy and space in her familys home, it's going to be way, way worse in a shelter.
OP - if you are in school full time, why not get a student loan and stay in the dorms? or find a cheap apartment or room to rent using loan funds. That's what they're available for.
Who is going to watch the baby while you are in school?
At this point the shelter system is completely out of control, and Bloomberg is the only one trying to get some sort of handle on it. Word is out that NYC will house you, and it's been a free for all on lifetime housing for anyone that shows up in NYC for a few decades now, and it's been really accelerating over the past decade, particularly as the economy has deteriorated.
Just recently my uncle's stepson who does not work (and never has however he did serve in Iraq/Iran) was seeking an apt with some sort of Veteran's benefits which pays a portion of his rent. He found one, lost the apt somehow (he won't say how), and moved in with his grandmother. But now he wants his own apt, so he married his girlfriend and is now in the shelter, presumably because a married Vet gets priority. He can work, he can save for his own apt...but why bother when the city will get you an apt for $250 out of your pocket FOR LIFE. No more worries about anything ever..just pay the $250 portion of your rent and you are set...FOR LIFE.
PS-This is how his grandmother got her apt. Her daughter, instead of taking care of her, sent her to the shelter so the city would house her. And like magic, she received a brand new apt (after about 4 or 5 months in the shelter), and pays $200 for a 1 bedroom (some program pays the difference) FOR LIFE.
How long can the city sustain this? I believe everyone deserves housing, regardless of their situation or the choices they made because we are better off as a society with people's basic needs met than having them live in the streets..1st world vs 3rd world. HOWEVER, it should not be NYC's responsibility to house everyone in the US (and it's territories) just because they come knocking on their door..and as it stands now that's exactly the law in NYC. There needs to be a national policy...every city/state needs the same requirement/law...so that they can take care of their own residents.
I do not disagree ... but I do think that there should be some stringent evaluation standard for our own residents. I have worked in the "benefits-seeking" population quite a bit, and I don't know whether people realize that they often plan things like pregnancies. Somewhat analogous to the situation you describe, but I would have more sympathy for a vet and an elderly person, frankly.
At the same time, I understand that the child needs to be cared for - probably why they do it in the first place.
Ok. So the OP is actively trying to better herself by going to college and maintaining a good GPA. She's even doing some work, albeit not good paying. Why the grumpy replies?
It's one thing if she isn't trying to do something to improve her life. Things happen. I'm pro-choice, but what are some of you suggesting here? If she can't afford the child, then she should be forced to give it up or abort it? Preaching about contraception and not having unprotected sex is too little, too late. And the comment about "Is it a cultural thing?" is stupid because unplanned pregnancy knows no culture.
I can understand the cynicism, but at least this person -- despite her upbringing -- is trying to break the cycle. I'd rather help someone trying to break out of the circle of despair than someone wanting to continue in it.
OP, have you considered adoption? Many parents looking to adopt would happily provide you with a place to live for you and the unborn baby. This will allow you to have the peace and quiet you need to continue pursuing your studies and the child will have a stable home. You could arrange with the adoptive parents how open you want the adoption to be.
Ok. So the OP is actively trying to better herself by going to college and maintaining a good GPA. She's even doing some work, albeit not good paying. Why the grumpy replies?
It's one thing if she isn't trying to do something to improve her life. Things happen. I'm pro-choice, but what are some of you suggesting here? If she can't afford the child, then she should be forced to give it up or abort it? Preaching about contraception and not having unprotected sex is too little, too late. And the comment about "Is it a cultural thing?" is stupid because unplanned pregnancy knows no culture.
I can understand the cynicism, but at least this person -- despite her upbringing -- is trying to break the cycle. I'd rather help someone trying to break out of the circle of despair than someone wanting to continue in it.
Because she's pretty picky about what she wants to be provided to her for free.
I can understand the cynicism, but at least this person -- despite her upbringing -- is trying to break the cycle. I'd rather help someone trying to break out of the circle of despair than someone wanting to continue in it.
How is she trying to break the cycle ? "I WANT .... and I am therefore entitled ...." With no mention, of course, that she made a deliberate decision.
This attitude is, in fact, quite typical of the cycle you mention.
Moreover, the fact that she is willing to put herself and her child in the shelter system speaks a second set of volumes regarding who she is. There is (again) a set of choices there (and again) she is making the wrong, yet typical, choice.
Ok. So the OP is actively trying to better herself by going to college and maintaining a good GPA. She's even doing some work, albeit not good paying. Why the grumpy replies?
It's one thing if she isn't trying to do something to improve her life. Things happen. I'm pro-choice, but what are some of you suggesting here? If she can't afford the child, then she should be forced to give it up or abort it? Preaching about contraception and not having unprotected sex is too little, too late. And the comment about "Is it a cultural thing?" is stupid because unplanned pregnancy knows no culture.
I can understand the cynicism, but at least this person -- despite her upbringing -- is trying to break the cycle. I'd rather help someone trying to break out of the circle of despair than someone wanting to continue in it.
Exactly! The other thing is, most of the grumpy posters don't even know how to deal with a situation like this. What if her parents kick her out and she doesn't have enough money from her job to rent a room? Baby or no baby, things would be pretty much the same for her. She'd be homeless. OP, I gave you a bunch of websites and numbers from Westchester and the Bronx. Call them all, tell them your situation, and see what you can work out from there. Most of your questions will not get answered by most people on this board, and in part its not their place to. You need a professional to help you with your situation, which is why I gave you the websites and listings of professionally trained people who can help you with your situation. Let them deal with it. And good luck!
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