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But i am interested in knowing how ages may play a role- not being sarcastic, just curious.
Maturity level.
Whether a person is too set in their ways.
Whether a person is too hardened.
For instance this does not bode well for maturity level on her part:
Quote:
However, as per her FB posts she has had some issues with men in her past and have dealt with some aggressive NYC bad boy types. She often posts quotes about love, being alone, and even wears a chain that says "trust no man".
Especially actually wearing a chain that says "trust no man." It all speaks to someone who loves to be melodramatic like a teen or someone in their early 20s.
Does she have kids? I hope not.
Like someone else said, she may be attracted to the drama and trouble of bad boys and a decent normal guy may just be too boring for her.
I would say don't worry about breaking down the barriers until you actually meet her. You don't live in town and that is scheduled for March 1. Keep the date; do meet her to see what it's all about in person. Sometimes once you meet in person what you thought was chemistry is nothing and you have NO interest in breaking down barriers! So you will see on March 1. Right now, don't get too "gaga" over her and don't swoon so much over her online and over the phone. Try and meet other women in person in your area too. Then once you meet her in person you will determine if you want to break down the barriers, and, if indeed, she puts up barriers to you in person. Yet another option is this is a "tough cookie" online persona and she won't be like that to you when you meet. So I would say hang loose for now and don't worry about the barriers until you actually meet and then if you need to revisit it, post again. But for now don't "fall for" her. It's only online for now, NOT the real world!
Is "tough NY" an euphemism for "hood" and "ghetto mamas"?
If that's the case, I can't help you brah.
I wouldn't touch one of those with a10 foot pole.
Hahaha
No, she is a actually mature and well respected in the community which is why I'm curious about her posts on Facebook. But she also manages two touring Latin bands so maybe that is why she may be just done with the whole music world.
For instance this does not bode well for maturity level on her part:
Especially actually wearing a chain that says "trust no man." It all speaks to someone who loves to be melodramatic like a teen or someone in their early 20s.
Does she have kids? I hope not.
Like someone else said, she may be attracted to the drama and trouble of bad boys and a decent normal guy may just be too boring for her.
I would say don't worry about breaking down the barriers until you actually meet her. You don't live in town and that is scheduled for March 1. Keep the date; do meet her to see what it's all about in person. Sometimes once you meet in person what you thought was chemistry is nothing and you have NO interest in breaking down barriers! So you will see on March 1. Right now, don't get too "gaga" over her and don't swoon so much over her online and over the phone. Try and meet other women in person in your area too. Then once you meet her in person you will determine if you want to break down the barriers, and, if indeed, she puts up barriers to you in person. Yet another option is this is a "tough cookie" online persona and she won't be like that to you when you meet. So I would say hang loose for now and don't worry about the barriers until you actually meet and then if you need to revisit it, post again. But for now don't "fall for" her. It's only online for now, NOT the real world!
Bravo!!!
Massive break down! I really appreciate the thought and time behind your post.. Makes perfect sense.
I always say its harder to give yourself advice in these situations.
And as for children, she has two- 17 and 15.
Be glad she doesn't have I Love Angel Forever involuntarily tattooed on her belly. I agree don't be too nice it won't work. And she's not expecting that either. You have to come across as a rough neck with them but don't overplay. And you have to be physically attractive and have status. But if she really, really likes you, you won't be able to tell for a long time, if ever. Girls like these are scarred as hell and deep down insecure. They might give up their body but not their soul.
And as already mentioned plenty of them have a father figure complex which contributes to even a more dysfunctional relationship.
Massive break down! I really appreciate the thought and time behind your post.. Makes perfect sense.
I always say its harder to give yourself advice in these situations. And as for children, she has two- 17 and 15.
Then I hope it is just an online tough cookie "chip on the shoulder about men" persona!
Because the subliminal message a girl or girls would be growing up with is a real paranoia/distrust of men and I think that is unfair to do that to daughters.
And the subliminal message a boy or boys would be growing up with is (frankly) "I'm a no good piece of crap because I am a male and they've always been bad to mom" and I think that is horrible to do that to sons.
Be glad she doesn't have I Love Angel Forever involuntarily tattooed on her belly. I agree don't be too nice it won't work. And she's not expecting that either. You have to come across as a rough neck with them but don't overplay. And you have to be physically attractive and have status. But if she really, really likes you, you won't be able to tell for a long time, if ever. Girls like these are scarred as hell and deep down insecure. They might give up their body but not their soul.
And as already mentioned plenty of them have a father figure complex which contributes to even a more dysfunctional relationship.
Although familiar with the hardened types being from NY and around Italians, Irish, Ricans, Dominicans, and being from the Caribbean myself, I have now developed a low tolerance for the "tough NY" attitude that one can expect dealing with the above groups. I suppose its due to living in other parts of the US and around the world- away from NY for a while. Im a bit more calm now can be a hot head when a female pushes my buttons.
I recently connected with a lady from the Bronx NY via FB and have a friend in common. We share similar interests and she manages a couple latin bands. She has been responsive so far with me and we plan on meeting on March 1st for the first time at an event but not as a date- mutual musical interests. Put it this way, it’s obvious in my chats that I am a bit interested as I have sent her good morning emails and compliments. She is not what some would consider a "hoodrat". However, as per her FB posts she has had some issues with men in her past and have dealt with some aggressive NYC bad boy types. She often posts quotes about love, being alone, and even wears a chain that says "trust no man". But she is has been really receptive to my approach and is so gorgeous. She is a mariah Carey look-alike. She hasn’t flirted though.
Since I haven’t dealt with her type in a long time and recently moved to DC closer to NY and will be meeting more of the NY tough types, I am trying to figure out if one showers hardened females with niceness to counter her negative pasts? (Not to say that hardness is always a result of negative relationships). On the other hand, naturally, I can be agressive, cocky and sarcastic at times without knowing but I don’t want to ruin it and touch a bad nerve with her. It doesn't work too well in DC - IMO.
(I am really not looking for the "be yourself" answers) Its more of how to break down the above described barrier which would then allow me to "be myself".
Any thoughts? Thanks!
I'll give you this piece of advice. Never let her be more of a man to you than you are to her. Hold it down son. No woman (especially one from the hood) likes a man who can't take charge. Be assertive and tell her what it is.
__________________
"The man who sleeps on the floor, can never fall out of bed." -Martin Lawrence
From a woman's perspective FWIW. At 40 with two teens and a trust no man complex she has control issues. She wears the pants and I suspect isn't looking for a relationship nor wants some guy involved with her kids lives.
If she's talking to an out of town younger man online then she just wants some attention & possibly may be looking for a booty call. That's about it. It's a safe distance for her and you may be one of many.
I agree with the advice about waiting to see once you meet in person. Online communication is just a fraction of who we are than the in person communication. However, be the relationship online & long distance or in person it's still a real relationship with a human being. It just comes with a different set of issues.
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IMO.
