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So, here is my deal. I am 30 and originally from Manhattan, NY. Parents put me in good high school and expensive college, as I am bright and they expected big things. However, I am also anxious and depressed, but it's up and down depending on the quality of my life.
in 2009 (26 yrs old) I moved to Miami to get a degree in Fashion Design after bouncing around meaningless jobs in NYC. Mind you I already had degree in psychology but I wasn't interested in pursuing that career. At first, I loved Miami...was lonely, but it's just so gorgeous, and school was interesting. Started working in restaurants, met a guy who wasted 3 years of my life and never committed, and then in 2013 everything went majorly downhill. I lost an amazing job in fashion because the owner didn't like me so I figured let me quit before I get fired. At this point, the guy disappeared from my life, as he wasn't interested in emotionally supporting me. Stuck in an expensive lease, wanting to return to NY, in debt, and over the rudeness of people in Miami, and how corrupt it was, how hard it was to get a job, etc. So I went back to NYC last July, and barely left the house for a week, petrified of starting over. But then I got a job I had applied for in Miami. Still in my lease there, I decided to go back. There was also a new guy in my life in miami.
The job turns out to be terrible -- 3 person company and they all only spoke Spanish, which I don't speak, so felt very left out and weird all the time, the job also was not legit and the owner was mean to the other girls (but not to me, the "gringa"). Best friend in Miami moved away in October. Meanwhile also got another restaurant job. Was constantly working and miserable and decided when lease is up in late January, I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE MIAMI. Was so miserable.
Quit the office job mid-December, and worked full time in the restaurant to have some money to go home with. The thing is, I had been working in the restaurant since August at this point, and became very close to the friends I made there. Also started dating a coworker. For the first time all year, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Everyone knew I was leaving, and I got to see all the friends I had made in my time in Miami (including a childhood friend of 25 years that had recently moved to Miami). Felt perfect, except that I was leaving.
The guy I was dating turned out to be way more into marijuana than into me, and started being hot and cold. One day, let;s find a place to live together. The next day, nothing. However, my friends were really supportive and said I could stay with them until I found a place, keep my job even though I gave notice, etc...I didn't want to leave... but I had been talking with my mom forever about how I needed to get back to NYC, find a 'real' job, and start a life. Especially after downtalking Miami so much, she didnt understand and said i had bills to pay and shouldnt stay. I felt guilty and ended up leaving to go to NYC the last week of January. Me and the guy don't speak anymore and he told me i was never the one, but honestly i think he just doesnt know how to deal with emotions, bc why tell me that if I already left the place he lives? I think he mightve been scared. The truth is, I could never be with him long term because he has no goals, too into drugs etc. But my friends are still supportive and i miss miami SO MUCH. the weather here in nyc is absolutely killing me, i have no friends left here, barely any call backs from jobs, resentful at my mom for the guilt, broke, and stay in bed all day pretty much. I miss the sunshine, warmth, my friends, and the hostess job. Yes, I want a higher level job at some point, but why right now when i was so happy there?
I am scared if i go back, i'll be bored after a while, but in nyc i am petrified every day. it's just too much after living in quieter miami. i'm also depressed with the weather. The other thing is, I never learned to drive, so that cut down my job options in miami, but i am in the process of learning. I think when i was in miami, i was so alone for so long that i stopped appreciating the beauty, but now here the grayness horrifies me and i dont want to leave the house, too cold. my dad makes all my food and living rent free (mind you i have severe debt and one loan in default), but who says i will get a job here? And my friends offer still stands to live with her and get the job back that i had.
Sorry this is so long. But I guess i am asking...what would you do? Stay in nyc miserable and try and get 'real' job? Or move back to miami, be a hostess, but start working right away and save my money? One last curveball: my main goal is to eventually move to california, so I'm like, should i get some nyc resume stuff to make life easier in cali when i pursue a career? or just be happy in miami and save my hostess money up?
Yes I have little control over my emotions, and yes i am still a little hung up on that guy in miami. But i'd never date him again. Feel like my mom guilted me into this so i can 'become someone.' i've seen a lot of people stay in the restaurant business just a little too long and unable to get out but...if you saw the place I worked at, you might be ok with it! Gorgeous place with a gorgeous view, overpaid for just seating people. but i'm 30 and feel like 1 year or whatever extra in miami...who would i really be hurting?
I personally think you are a bit lost. I think you need to find yourself through you and not others. Takes some time to figure out what you want and who you are. You can't look at people to make you happy, you need to be happy from within before your life can come together.
I personally think you are a bit lost. I think you need to find yourself through you and not others. Takes some time to figure out what you want and who you are. You can't look at people to make you happy, you need to be happy from within before your life can come together.
So, here is my deal. I am 30 and originally from Manhattan, NY. Parents put me in good high school and expensive college, as I am bright and they expected big things. However, I am also anxious and depressed, but it's up and down depending on the quality of my life.
in 2009 (26 yrs old) I moved to Miami to get a degree in Fashion Design after bouncing around meaningless jobs in NYC. Mind you I already had degree in psychology but I wasn't interested in pursuing that career. At first, I loved Miami...was lonely, but it's just so gorgeous, and school was interesting. Started working in restaurants, met a guy who wasted 3 years of my life and never committed, and then in 2013 everything went majorly downhill. I lost an amazing job in fashion because the owner didn't like me so I figured let me quit before I get fired. At this point, the guy disappeared from my life, as he wasn't interested in emotionally supporting me. Stuck in an expensive lease, wanting to return to NY, in debt, and over the rudeness of people in Miami, and how corrupt it was, how hard it was to get a job, etc. So I went back to NYC last July, and barely left the house for a week, petrified of starting over. But then I got a job I had applied for in Miami. Still in my lease there, I decided to go back. There was also a new guy in my life in miami.
The job turns out to be terrible -- 3 person company and they all only spoke Spanish, which I don't speak, so felt very left out and weird all the time, the job also was not legit and the owner was mean to the other girls (but not to me, the "gringa"). Best friend in Miami moved away in October. Meanwhile also got another restaurant job. Was constantly working and miserable and decided when lease is up in late January, I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE MIAMI. Was so miserable.
Quit the office job mid-December, and worked full time in the restaurant to have some money to go home with. The thing is, I had been working in the restaurant since August at this point, and became very close to the friends I made there. Also started dating a coworker. For the first time all year, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Everyone knew I was leaving, and I got to see all the friends I had made in my time in Miami (including a childhood friend of 25 years that had recently moved to Miami). Felt perfect, except that I was leaving.
The guy I was dating turned out to be way more into marijuana than into me, and started being hot and cold. One day, let;s find a place to live together. The next day, nothing. However, my friends were really supportive and said I could stay with them until I found a place, keep my job even though I gave notice, etc...I didn't want to leave... but I had been talking with my mom forever about how I needed to get back to NYC, find a 'real' job, and start a life. Especially after downtalking Miami so much, she didnt understand and said i had bills to pay and shouldnt stay. I felt guilty and ended up leaving to go to NYC the last week of January. Me and the guy don't speak anymore and he told me i was never the one, but honestly i think he just doesnt know how to deal with emotions, bc why tell me that if I already left the place he lives? I think he mightve been scared. The truth is, I could never be with him long term because he has no goals, too into drugs etc. But my friends are still supportive and i miss miami SO MUCH. the weather here in nyc is absolutely killing me, i have no friends left here, barely any call backs from jobs, resentful at my mom for the guilt, broke, and stay in bed all day pretty much. I miss the sunshine, warmth, my friends, and the hostess job. Yes, I want a higher level job at some point, but why right now when i was so happy there?
I am scared if i go back, i'll be bored after a while, but in nyc i am petrified every day. it's just too much after living in quieter miami. i'm also depressed with the weather. The other thing is, I never learned to drive, so that cut down my job options in miami, but i am in the process of learning. I think when i was in miami, i was so alone for so long that i stopped appreciating the beauty, but now here the grayness horrifies me and i dont want to leave the house, too cold. my dad makes all my food and living rent free (mind you i have severe debt and one loan in default), but who says i will get a job here? And my friends offer still stands to live with her and get the job back that i had.
Sorry this is so long. But I guess i am asking...what would you do? Stay in nyc miserable and try and get 'real' job? Or move back to miami, be a hostess, but start working right away and save my money? One last curveball: my main goal is to eventually move to california, so I'm like, should i get some nyc resume stuff to make life easier in cali when i pursue a career? or just be happy in miami and save my hostess money up?
Yes I have little control over my emotions, and yes i am still a little hung up on that guy in miami. But i'd never date him again. Feel like my mom guilted me into this so i can 'become someone.' i've seen a lot of people stay in the restaurant business just a little too long and unable to get out but...if you saw the place I worked at, you might be ok with it! Gorgeous place with a gorgeous view, overpaid for just seating people. but i'm 30 and feel like 1 year or whatever extra in miami...who would i really be hurting?
Help pleaseeeeeeeeeee
Let's see by my count you have been through 3 guys and 3 jobs in a short time while you "find yourself" I think the answer is choose which one makes you the happiest and if you enjoy the work in Miami then start there and make a rule not to be with anyone associated with the job so that they are not tied together. Then after you get your work life square explore the personal side but always keep the two separate... I think that is what DR PHIL would say anyway. how does that sound ?
Your first priority should be getting your own self in order. Before figuring out what city you want to be in. That being said NYC is not friendly to people who are not decisive and know what they want. If you are going to be here you have to stick to some kind of plan unless you have a rich parent or uncle.
The place you are is not what ultimately is going to determine if you are happy, etc. There are some other things in life you must get in order. Pick something and commit to it.
You are going to be very hard pressed to start your 'career life' in Miami. The job market is very difficult especially if you don't speak spanish. That being said, if being in Miami is what makes you happy, maybe do that and just figure out how to build a long-term life down there.
I myself am thinking about taking a significant step back in my career to move my life down to Miami. Being there makes me happy. I've been in manhattan for about 8 years now, and have had enough of NYC. Remaining here is solely career related.
The pattern of bad relationships, bad jobs, having not one but two degrees you're not using, bouncing back and forth between locations and "hating" whichever one you're in and intensely missing the one you're not in . . . it all just seems like you have something inside of you that really needs to be straightened out, and won't be fixed by who you date or where you live. Have you considered therapy?
Echoing what others have already said, boyfriend issues meander in and out of your post and yet you still think it's the location that is making you unhappy? My prediction is you'll find another guy to rock your world and you'll be happy where you are until it stops working out.
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