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Is it that he can't find a woman, or is he just the type who refuses to accept and settle for the BS that some women throw down in the dating game...no job, no education, deep in debt, a bunch of kids, expecting a man to pay their bills and support their kids, etc... Quite possibly he's been down that road before and not going back there again with some loser chick. Or maybe he's gay and just fronting. Some of his expectations aren't all that unrealistic, but I can just imagine how awkward his first dates must be when he's shaking down the girl for copies of her pay stubs, bank statements, and her social security number so he can pull credits and a FICO score on his cell phone.
So, what type of woman did you set him up with? I'm even more curious to know what type of woman he said he's looking for. Since you were ruling out so many types I imagine that this guy either isn't too particular or is very physically unattractive and open to any possibility at all.
To paragraph number one. His goals are are realistic and I agree with them because I have similar goals as well, and I have been down that road too with similar women most notably local types. However I would not want to go through a womans financial history in the early stages of dating. I told him to let women be upfront about her finances when she is ready to tell them to him. If any one wants to get anywhere in this city, life requires a partner even if one makes a lot of money. Sadly this guy is an assistant bank manager but not a transient, however a local. MY advice was for him to go out and seek out of town white women and other transient types, but plenty of those types do not want to settle down and also have ruined finances, which wont be repaired or ready to settle down until they move up in their careers which wont happen until late 30s or early 40s for most career women in this city.
As for Paragraph 2. I cant hook him up with a local woman since they mostly date off of physical attraction. With career transient types, race is also a issue since white man is a preference for all races of career type women. Immigrant women also date within their race. It only leaves him with FOB Chinese women. I want to set him up with a Taiwanese woman that is in my social circle, but I have yet to arrange anything yet. I hang out with him but I steal the attention from the ladies from him. I gave him advice to think out of the box culturally. I told him a story of a Chinese guy who grew up in the projects that I know of. He is Chinese but he is really a black man at heart. Why? He grew up with Black people, and he even fathered kids with black women. I told him try to be into other cultures and learn from them in order to get women. But at his stage in life it might be hard to do being multicultural.
So, according to the article, professional women will be leaving New York City in droves to hook up with "handsome geniuses" in the San Francisco Bay Area.
(pause)
I dunno, man. I lived in San Francisco for a while several years ago. And, based on my observations of many of the dudes in that area, I have a feeling that this isn't going to work out well for a lot of these women.
So, according to the article, professional women will be leaving New York City in droves to hook up with "handsome geniuses" in the San Francisco Bay Area.
(pause)
I dunno, man. I lived in San Francisco for a while several years ago. And, based on my observations of many of the dudes in that area, I have a feeling that this isn't going to work out well for a lot of these women.
In NYC career woman is a buzzword for beotch would never marry one I don't want my kids raised by nannies.
In NYC career woman is a buzzword for beotch would never marry one I don't want my kids raised by nannies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by livingsinglenyc
ok so your wife work and you can stay home and raise your children
Career transient types do not have the luxury of having near by relatives or a parent to help care for children when at work or or play. Locals have advantage of having parents and relatives help watch or even raise kids at times. Career types often have parents and family in another state and not in Nyc. Career types will have to earn plenty of money to hire a nanny and nannies are not cheap.
And a problematic one especially if you're a female.
I've been in New York now for two months and your outlook on human relationships is actually a perfect distillation of what people hate about NYCers.
In many precincts of Manhattan, she is absolutely correct. I mean it's not unusual to see a 50-year old unattractive guy with a paunch with a much better looking and much younger woman. He wants her looks and she wants his money so she can enjoy the finer things in life. Sad, pathetic, but true.
a 50-year old unattractive guy with a paunch with a much better looking and much younger woman. He wants her looks and she wants his money so she can enjoy the finer things in life. Sad, pathetic, but true.
You're going to roll your eyes but there's another possibility: What if these two people actually enjoy each other's company and have given up on meeting players and losers? Just a few posts up, Bronxguayanese commented about the very limited dating options for his buddy because of the man's race and stature. His friend has a lot of money and he still had a problem meeting women. Money is important, but even the man isn't all that much to look at there still has to be something (besides money) that attracts the woman. Maybe he treats her like a queen...maybe he's good in the sack... Could be a lot of things. So, I wouldn't call their relationship sad and pathetic. Remember that 'love is blind'. LOL.
I'm sure there are people who watch a lot of television and think that every dude who works on Wall Street looks like John Hamm's character on Mad Men, that all the yuppies and hipsters live like the characters on Friends, and that New York is full of beautiful and well-off people who roam about the city seeking hot looking strangers for quick sex every day like Samantha's character on Sex and the City (gotta love Samantha!). Most of the people that I see on the streets and on on the trains aren't all that beautiful, just average-looking, and many of them not good looking at all. And we all know that most people who live and work in this city are not rich. But, I digress. my point is that when you're looking for love (or economic security, or both) in a place like NYC, even though there are so many people around you, your options are still limited because so many single people out there are looking for a stereotype. If you really want to be in a relationship you may find yourself settling with someone who is a little below your expectations and then regret it afterwards but resolve to accept it anyway. Many people seem to do this. Of course, the odds are moderately improved if you're willing to cross racial lines on your dating quest; but I don't see this very much in NYC.
The most desirable people---the rich and beautiful ones who are in their prime and have it all---are the ones that are pined over the most, and they are usually (if not always) already hooked up with somebody. Next down on the list are the wealthy ones who aren't gorgeous, but still good looking...often middle aged and divorced, and looking again, but mostly for others who are at least in the same social class. Definitely worth considering if you're concerned about your financial future and want some security. Next down on the list are the pretty ones who don't have any money (probably like the young lady in your example). If breeding is a priority and you don't want ugly children then these are worth a look. Next down are the people who have plenty of money but not at all attractive. Go there if you must. Next down are the people who are average looking and just above surviving the grind. Next down are the people who have neither money nor looks. I think that many dates don't go anywhere because a lot of people in the last two groups are looking only for people in the first two.
I don't really see anything wrong with wanting it all. If one is bringing majors to the table then its not entirely unreasonable to expect that one's potential significant other will bring it, too. Earlier in this thread someone else said it... People who are rich and beautiful and have it all going on will attract everybody, but they themselves are really usually attracted to other people who are also wealthy and beautiful and have it all going on. There are some exceptions, but for the most part its like begets like. I don't even believe that it has anything to do with being myopic or materialistic. Its just the way it is. An ugly, out-of-shape dude can get a beautiful, hot girlfriend if he's got plenty of money, but deep inside he will always feel a need to keep close watch on her because he knows that any better looking man is competition. Ugly rich chicks with younger prettyboys---same thing. I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but settling down with someone who is less than is settling nonetheless ---> Dissatisfaction---> Boredom---> Regret. Being a nice guy/girl isn't always going to cut it. You'll eventually find yourself looking at the other person and thinking that you could have done better. And once that feeling starts to grow the relationship is over. So then, it kinda makes sense to make a list and hold out until one meets somebody who is compatible with one on multiple 'list' points...just don't set the bar so high that no one can at all can get over it.
Yeah I think the point is that people should expect to date "within their league". Factors like looks, money, intelligence can play into it and give you an edge up or down but for the most part you'll end up with someone in the same strata. I have a good friend who is not that attractive and also heavyset, but has the most amazing personality. By that I mean roll of the floor funny and a great conversationalist. He went to an average college but does pretty well for himself. Not "NYC well" but probably comes in around $150K. He would always have crushes on women that were well out of his league but when it came time for him to find someone he was totally realistic about he type of women he can date. His wife is very similar. A bit heavy, very average looking, but one hell of an interesting person. She also has a solid career and I think does a bit better than him income wise. Together they are a solid, happy, couple with a very good HHI and living standards to match. They were in their 30s when they met and married.
This goes back to the OP's issue. Yes, you are mid thirties but what are you brining to the table if it's not youth? Your age doesn't omitt you from the dating pool but are you realistic about whom you can date in NYC? This doesn't mean you should lower your standards to find someone it just means you should be realistic about them.
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(gotta love Samantha!). Most of the people that I see on the streets and on on the trains aren't all that beautiful, just average-looking, and many of them not good looking at all. And we all know that most people who live and work in this city are not rich. But, I digress. my point is that when you're looking for love (or economic security, or both) in a place like NYC, even though there are so many people around you, your options are still limited because so many single people out there are looking for a stereotype. If you really want to be in a relationship you may find yourself settling with someone who is a little below your expectations and then regret it afterwards but resolve to accept it anyway. Many people seem to do this. Of course, the odds are moderately improved if you're willing to cross racial lines on your dating quest; but I don't see this very much in NYC. 
