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Old 08-19-2014, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
2,498 posts, read 3,762,075 times
Reputation: 1608

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ehanson View Post
I've been wondering about some "grey area" etiquette issues on the subway for a number of years and wonder what others think or do in similar situations.

- Confused/ lost person on the subway train studying a map next to you or across from you. Looking bewildered when the train stops and the station is announced. I know my way around the subway so I can offer help. Or worse they are studying the subway map right above your seat. Do you ask him if he needs help or think "not my problem, should know where you're going before getting on a train."

-Crowded rush hour subway train and the car is mostly quiet, full of exhausted commuters going home. 2 loud people get on and sit next to you. There's no other seats open and you don't have headphones. After a few stops you wonder if you should switch cars before a long stretch with no stops. (I usually do in these cases)

-A young child gets on and there are no open seats on the crowded car. They and their mother are standing right near you; do you offer your seat? 1/2 the time I do and the parent declines, leaving an opportunistic standing adult to snatch the empty seat.

Just wondering what fellow commuters do in these instances.
1. Wife and i always offer to help people in the subway on the streets pretty much anywhere. One day we just might be in that position in someone can nicely point us in the right direction.

2. Thankfully my headphones are always on me and in 34yrs on this earth i have always carried my headphones for at least a good 17yrs.

3. I offer my seat before getting up this way only the intended person can have a chance at it.
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Old 08-20-2014, 08:38 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,809,897 times
Reputation: 1577
1) i dont mind people looking at the map above where i am sitting. Offering help is gay. If they ask a question I'll answer it.

2) loud ghetto people are the worst. just deal with it. if i feel uncomfortable or sense a bad vibe i'll pretend the stop is mine (lol) and get off and switch trains. I don't want to be in a WSHH video.

3) if I see elderly or handicap, I will get up and hold a pole. whether or not they take the seat after that doesn't matter to me - I just know I'm not going to occupy a seat if I see an elderly standing within the vicinity. I also think verbally offering may embarrass a person so I don't. If I see anyone else that may need the seat (i.e. tired mom with kids) I will access the situation first but they're not immediate freebies like elderly. I don't get up for fat people, they need the exercise.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:51 AM
 
154 posts, read 259,315 times
Reputation: 218
1. I do not volunteer information but I would gladly help if asked. Why volunteer? I do not know to what degree you are confused/lost if so, then why not ask? I have seen plenty of people try to offer help only to be shut down.

2. Deal with the noise, there is no other way. I usually read during my commute so it is annoying when I have to give up on my book because your conversation is too loud but I deal with it.

3. Nop. A child can perfectly stand. I do offer my seat to the elderly, pregnant ladies and such. I would especially NOT give my seat to a bratty kid or the "I want a seatttttttttttttt!" whiner, life will not cater to you learn it early.
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Old 08-20-2014, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
25,368 posts, read 36,956,293 times
Reputation: 12767
...I USUALLY offer my help.

...I don't mind noisy people on the subway

...I am a senior citizen and I never offer anyone my seat, least of all non-paying kids who are not supposed to use a seat but rather sit on parents laps, which they rarely do.
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Old 08-20-2014, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Bronx, New York
2,134 posts, read 3,037,055 times
Reputation: 3209
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ehanson View Post
I've been wondering about some "grey area" etiquette issues on the subway for a number of years and wonder what others think or do in similar situations.

- Confused/ lost person on the subway train studying a map next to you or across from you. Looking bewildered when the train stops and the station is announced. I know my way around the subway so I can offer help. Or worse they are studying the subway map right above your seat. Do you ask him if he needs help or think "not my problem, should know where you're going before getting on a train."

9/10 times I will offer help. The person would have to be very scary looking for me to ignore them.

-Crowded rush hour subway train and the car is mostly quiet, full of exhausted commuters going home. 2 loud people get on and sit next to you. There's no other seats open and you don't have headphones. After a few stops you wonder if you should switch cars before a long stretch with no stops. (I usually do in these cases)

I only change cars if it's a crazy/homeless person covered with stuff mumbling and talking to themselves.


-A young child gets on and there are no open seats on the crowded car. They and their mother are standing right near you; do you offer your seat? 1/2 the time I do and the parent declines, leaving an opportunistic standing adult to snatch the empty seat.

When I was a kid no one gave up a seat to a kid! I'm amazed by this recent phenomenon. Seriously, they used to make kids get up to give seats to tired adults who paid their fare! If the parent has a baby in one of those back/facing carriers than that's different because they could fall and hurt the baby

Just wondering what fellow commuters do in these instances.
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Old 08-20-2014, 02:44 PM
 
6,680 posts, read 8,209,092 times
Reputation: 4871
1. I offer help
2. Typically deal with it. Unless like last week I got on a car with all camp kids who took up the first 3 cars. Almost every seat filled with them. Couldn't take it so I went to the 4 car and I was free of all the kids and noise. (It was an hour long ride so worth it.)
3. I offer my seat to old and disabled all the time. Even though I typically stand 10 hours a day at work and am exhausted thats what one should do. Children...heck no. The worst is when someone gives the seat to a child and then the parent sits and says to the child you sit on my lap and the child really is too big for a lap so it doesn't work out. So the person gave up their seat for another adult while the child still stands.
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:35 PM
 
33,878 posts, read 47,070,732 times
Reputation: 14184
Quote:
Originally Posted by ehanson View Post
I've been wondering about some "grey area" etiquette issues on the subway for a number of years and wonder what others think or do in similar situations.

- Confused/ lost person on the subway train studying a map next to you or across from you. Looking bewildered when the train stops and the station is announced. I know my way around the subway so I can offer help. Or worse they are studying the subway map right above your seat. Do you ask him if he needs help or think "not my problem, should know where you're going before getting on a train."

-Crowded rush hour subway train and the car is mostly quiet, full of exhausted commuters going home. 2 loud people get on and sit next to you. There's no other seats open and you don't have headphones. After a few stops you wonder if you should switch cars before a long stretch with no stops. (I usually do in these cases)

-A young child gets on and there are no open seats on the crowded car. They and their mother are standing right near you; do you offer your seat? 1/2 the time I do and the parent declines, leaving an opportunistic standing adult to snatch the empty seat.

Just wondering what fellow commuters do in these instances.
Subway etiquette? Lol there is none! I paid my fare! I don't give up my seat (I didn't help make the baby, your man should buy u a car), give people dirty looks if I feel they're bothering me, etc
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:13 PM
 
Location: New York
116 posts, read 145,465 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by ehanson View Post
I've been wondering about some "grey area" etiquette issues on the subway for a number of years and wonder what others think or do in similar situations.

- Confused/ lost person on the subway train studying a map next to you or across from you. Looking bewildered when the train stops and the station is announced. I know my way around the subway so I can offer help. Or worse they are studying the subway map right above your seat. Do you ask him if he needs help or think "not my problem, should know where you're going before getting on a train."

-Crowded rush hour subway train and the car is mostly quiet, full of exhausted commuters going home. 2 loud people get on and sit next to you. There's no other seats open and you don't have headphones. After a few stops you wonder if you should switch cars before a long stretch with no stops. (I usually do in these cases)

-A young child gets on and there are no open seats on the crowded car. They and their mother are standing right near you; do you offer your seat? 1/2 the time I do and the parent declines, leaving an opportunistic standing adult to snatch the empty seat.

Just wondering what fellow commuters do in these instances.
1. ALWAYS. If you are actually noticing that someone is lost, you have already broken rule #1 of the subway ("don't talk / acknowledge anything on the subway") so helping them out is your penance for this discretion.

2. I stay. I don't give dirty looks because I don't need the heat - why open myself up to a confrontation? The best cure I've found (and I only do this in dire situations when I'm close to a stop and think the chances of being punched in the face are slim) is to try to jump into the conversation / acknowledge something they say (always friendly / empathetic). See above - NO ONE acknowledges people on the subway, we are in our own bubbles save for side-eye / slight jostling at people that don't remove their backpacks. To break this fourth wall freaks them out. They realize they are loud, some weird-o is trying to engage with them, they are not in a bubble, and therefore usually tone it down. Or worst case (besides being punched that is), I am entertained for a few minutes.

3. Always. Ask before you get up. I don't care how holier-than-thou you are - there will be a time when (for whatever reason) you will be desperate for a seat for whatever reason. Maybe with a kid / elder / bajillion grocery bags / etc. For those of you that don't offer your seat to pregnant women - pregnancy is covered under short-term or temporary disability in most states. NY's stingy maternity leave starts from the first day you are out of work - which is why so many women work up until the very last day possible. Even the nice gentleman MTA voice-over recognizes that she deserves a seat. Continue to not offer it if you must - hopefully enough people like me are in the car and can help out.

But whatever you do to the above 3 scenarios, DO NOT react when you hear "showtime"!! NO. DO NOT LOOK UP!
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:28 PM
 
Location: NYC
20,550 posts, read 17,604,980 times
Reputation: 25616
You figure there is lots of gentrifying that that people would be more polite and courteous on the subway carts but no it is actually worse.

I see a lot of women like to lean against the pole while people are trying to hold on.

The 1st thing some people does is to stand at the entrance blocking entry or exit.

The worst thing is that majority of people all crowd by the door and the middle of the train is usually empty.
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:48 PM
 
Location: New York
116 posts, read 145,465 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
You figure there is lots of gentrifying that that people would be more polite and courteous on the subway carts but no it is actually worse.

I see a lot of women like to lean against the pole while people are trying to hold on.

The 1st thing some people does is to stand at the entrance blocking entry or exit.

The worst thing is that majority of people all crowd by the door and the middle of the train is usually empty.
THIS! Gawker has a "10 worst people on the subway" article - this is #4:

4. The people who lean on the pole. Feels nice and relaxing to lean on that pole, eh? Just treating that pole like your own personal leaning area? Stone cold relaxing, on the crowded train? Hey, guess what, THE POLE IS FOR EVERYONE TO HOLD, so get the **** off the pole.

The rest of the list is pretty amazing and jives with what you mention:
The Ten Worst People on the Subway
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