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It should be doable as long as you put in effort and have realistic standards.
I'm short and broke and I've had success here. I'm a 22 year old straight male for what it's worth.
BINGO. Problem is, most people overestimate their attractiveness and sexual marketplace value (see page one of this thread). When I was heavier I was honest about it. I wasn't fat, but I was approaching a BMI that would classify me as borderline overweight. I dated men I would have rejected being thin. It was actually a good thing for me. It got me out of my comfort zone and I opened myself up to dating others than my type. Different cultures, races, backgrounds, education levels. It helped me truly understand what I wanted/liked and did not.
Eventually and slowly, I lost the weight by going to the gym and giving up the hard partying I was doing after work. Just giving up the two cosmos I sunk down every night was alone enough for me to lose 2 pounds per week. The guy I was with told me I was getting too thin. Reality was, I was getting healthy. I went from 140 at 5'3" with a drinking habit and crappy diet/flabby bod to 110 eating well and being fit and toned. At that point I went back to the type of guy I really wanted because I could finally attract him again. Also I didn't want to be with someone who took issue with me improving my health. It sounds kind of shallow but it's true. The flip side is that I'd never date a man who wanted me to be underweight either.
You have to choose your battles and draw your boundaries. I could be bitter about it but I instead take it as a good life lesson. We tend to get the mate we deserve and are meant to be with, not an idealized fantasy.
Last edited by EastBoundandDownChick; 10-26-2017 at 01:01 AM..
BINGO. Problem is, most people overestimate their attractiveness and sexual marketplace value (see page one of this thread). When I was heavier I was honest about it. I wasn't fat, but I was approaching a BMI that would classify me as borderline overweight. I dated men I would have rejected being thin. It was actually a good thing for me. It got me out of my comfort zone and I opened myself up to dating others than my type. Different cultures, races, backgrounds, education levels. It helped me truly understand what I wanted/liked and did not.
Eventually and slowly, I lost the weight by going to the gym and giving up the hard partying I was doing after work. The guy I was with told me I was getting too thin. Reality was, I was getting healthy. I went from 140 at 5'3" with a drinking habit and crappy diet/flabby bod to 110 eating well and being fit and toned. At that point I went back to the type of guy I really wanted because I could finally attract him again. It sounds shallow but it's true. We can't always automatically have what we want.
Yes, many people think they're smarter and more attractive than they actually are.
140 and 5'3 really doesn't sound bad at all though, I'm talking to a woman who has a similar build and she looks healthy.
Yep, we can't have what we want automatically. We have to be realistic about who we can attract. I'm short so it's harder for me than an average height or tall guy to pull women, but I still attract some women and when it happens I'm happy as long as I find them to be at least cute. I don't have high standards, but physical attraction is still an important part of compatibility.
And even if two people are super attractive, it doesn't mean they're compatible. Like when I'm on tinder, I left swipe plenty of attractive girls because they seem too basic and I can't picture us getting along.
It's definitely not all about looks for me either. Although physical chemistry is crucial and has to be there on a significant level, it's just the simple reality of it. I've rejected plenty of highly attractive men for the simple fact they were flakes and just like you said... basic. And I've also dated men who weren't all that for the simple fact their intellect and personalities made them sexy, interesting, and pleasurable to be around. Attraction occurs with the eyes but also very much with the mind.
Yep, we can't have what we want automatically. We have to be realistic about who we can attract. I'm short so it's harder for me than an average height or tall guy to pull women, but I still attract some women and when it happens I'm happy as long as I find them to be at least cute. I don't have high standards, but physical attraction is still an important part of compatibility.
I feel you are missing the point. My looks have declined over time and I have gotten fatter due to the long hours and stress of the working environment. Yet the the type of women I can attract has increased over time, because what women want changes over time.
For me dating in my 20's was a high volume game that was expensive and time consuming, especially if you wanted to present yourself as a gentleman (I would schedule a half day event over the weekend in which we would tour around NYC together). With the rise of tinder it seems now a days it has become more socially acceptable to schedule a coffee date as a first date to weed out the applicants like a job interview (cold, cheap, and ruthlessly efficient).
Look at these lovely messages I received this morning.
I'm the orange.
Go through this everyday... Smh
This is what *dating* is like for me, doesn't even matter what app it is. It's turned into a joke. lol
Not even surprised, lol.
I'm a guy and not gay, but I think gay guys know what most women go through the most with these sorts of comments, lol.
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