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Old 08-29-2008, 09:51 AM
 
456 posts, read 1,326,182 times
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...where many have to work mad hours just to survive, where many are just too chronically busy all the time for many reasons? I meet so many people here who say they have lots of acquaintances but no real friends. If you are one of the few who have managed to break the mold, how did you do it? How or where did you meet your closest friends? How do you manage to spend quality time together?

I just read a thread on Yelp, in which a newcomer poses the same question. Going out all the time was not the answer for her. Probably because this is not how people really connect in any meaningful way. Many people told her to try meetups, but the trouble with most meetup groups is that they meet maybe once a month and attendance/participation is optional and therefore random. Mostly, people kept repeating the NYC social mantra: "You have to put yourself out there." But does that really guarantee friendship?

What do you think?
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Old 08-29-2008, 09:55 AM
 
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you just have to be bluntly honest about what you want in a real friend and heed the warning signs that someone may not be for you(something i always overlooked). to me it'a just a matter of friendship chemistry and some hit and miss
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Old 08-29-2008, 09:57 AM
 
173 posts, read 172,835 times
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I would recommend doing things that you like...and you will naturally meet people. You like to swim? Join a swim club or a gym with a pool....you like to jog? Join a jogging group or just jog...joggers are very friendly. You like to play pool, join a group..or just go to a local spot and play. The point is...you should be active and doing things that you like...and then everything else will come naturally...friends, relationships, other activities, etc. If you just plan on drinking your life away at a bar to meet people...that is a very bad way to do it in any city....in my opinion.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:13 AM
 
Location: state of enlightenment
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I met friends & a BF or 2 playing tennis. Whatever you're interested in there's a group for you in NYC. Get involved. It's a lot easier to start up a conversation with people with similar interests.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:13 AM
 
335 posts, read 1,070,049 times
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I recently just opened myself to meeting new people. But then again I'm only 25 and still kept in contact with friends from high school. So I didn't feel the need to meet new people. But over the years the list of friends got shorter as I saw people for the a**holes they are. I find that I make friends with people I work with (I tend to switch jobs every year) or in class (when I was actually taking classes at CUNY). But if you are outgoing it should be easier for you to put yourself out there. Take salsa classes, bellydancing, capoeira. Join some type of class or group that peaks even the slightest interest. craiglist always have a bunch of classes posted.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:26 AM
 
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My story is that I have been living in NYC for about eleven years or so, and while I do have many, many acquaintances and work friends, artist friends, and the like, I want to open myself and my life up to meeting new people. Not more of the same, but real friends, companions. I seem to be speaking a foreign language here in the big city, when it comes to this subject. My work friends and artist friends love having me around at work, at gigs, at open mics, etc. It's like the show "Cheers" when I show up at a poetry club. But artists are by nature mostly loners or socially reclusive, unless we are doing our thing on the mic or on the stage. I'm trying to think outside the box here. It's time for me to explore some new ways of meeting new people and making some more companionable friends.

Btw, folks, if you are going to advise, which is fine, please leave the NYC snarky know-it-all tone out of it. I am looking for some real answers, not more reasons to remain a part-time loner. Much thanks.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:28 AM
 
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Well if you are posting in a NYC forum, and want advice from a NYC local, you should expect some of the "NYC snarky know-it-all tone." Much thanks.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:29 AM
 
456 posts, read 1,326,182 times
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Ha ha ha... I will keep that in mind.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:55 AM
 
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Perhaps you need to look for different types of friends, if you're not having any luck with the artsy types. How about meeting people with more varied interests?

When I was younger, I was always attracted to the artsy/bohemian types. They were fun and interesting. Eventually, I realized the one thing they all had in common is that they were unstable. Relationships with such folks proved unpredictable, unreliable and disappointing.

What worked for me was that I changed my focus and cultivated friendships with more level-headed people, like lawyers, teachers, doctors, journalists, businessmen, etc. Those relationships have been infinitely more rewarding. A big plus was that I eventually wound up happily married as a result.

Good luck.
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Old 08-29-2008, 11:03 AM
 
335 posts, read 1,070,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indi9 View Post
My story is that I have been living in NYC for about eleven years or so, and while I do have many, many acquaintances and work friends, artist friends, and the like, I want to open myself and my life up to meeting new people. Not more of the same, but real friends, companions. I seem to be speaking a foreign language here in the big city, when it comes to this subject. My work friends and artist friends love having me around at work, at gigs, at open mics, etc. It's like the show "Cheers" when I show up at a poetry club. But artists are by nature mostly loners or socially reclusive, unless we are doing our thing on the mic or on the stage. I'm trying to think outside the box here. It's time for me to explore some new ways of meeting new people and making some more companionable friends.

Btw, folks, if you are going to advise, which is fine, please leave the NYC snarky know-it-all tone out of it. I am looking for some real answers, not more reasons to remain a part-time loner. Much thanks.
It seems like that is quite impossible for some people!! The "snarky" comments seem to come even when the topic is the most pleasant and safe of them all. Some people have a "talent" for bring out the nasty.

I think dance/fitness class would be a good start to meeting people who are less socially reclusive. Like salsa for example you can learn the dance moves with a partner. Some classes you change partners. it kinda takes the meeting/approaching people out of your hands.
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