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as someone happily married and living in nyc for the time-being, i don't think dating is that-that hard here.
Most of the time, when people say they can't find someone, it's for two reasons: 1) they're not open-minded enough about whom they'd like to date or 2) they stay in the house too much.
On the first point, my women friends tend to unreasonably limit their dating choices, consciously or unconsciously. When you ask what they'relooking for, they have this laundry list of requirements that filter out everyone but mr. Big and tom brady. And they complain about being lonely.
I have another close friend who's willing to give just about anyone a chance, regardless of race, class, religion, etc. She's always meeting nice and attractive people and never had a complaint about the nyc dating scene.
No, it's not your imagination, Indi, dating/romance in NYC is indeed a difficult path laden with minefields and explosives as one tries to safely maneuver oneself to attain one's objective.
The problems include those typical of any high-density urban area but also involve issues peculiar to NYC and the throngs who come here - each with a differing agenda. Too often the agendas clash, the objectives are incongruous, the parties are mismatched, and one must recommence the process all over again.
You have those seeking someone who meets cosmetic requirements - such as being a high-flying Wall Streeter, a model from the pages of a Victoria's Secret Lingerie catalog, a partner who can recite the Kama Sutra inside out and can practically demonstrate its contents in a way that drives one so passionately over the top that all else in life becomes meaningless, a woman who combines an Ivy League brain with the sex appeal of Mariah Carey, a man whose Olympic feats and endowments in bed are outdone only by the size of his wallet.
Yes, then there are some men who come to the Big Apple armed with the dictates of yet another relationship expert whose mantra to score in three attempts if you're a real man is the sole dating techniue to which they subscribe. They co-exist alongside women whose evaluation of one's longterm relationship potential is premised on how well-heeled one is or whether one lives in Manhattan - and a ritzy part - or God forbid, an outer borough where only losers, poor immigrants, the downtrodden live.
Enter the man or woman seeking more than a bar pickup or a one-night stand. Enter the individual who seeks someting meaningful, a partner to share one's dreams, one's hobbies, one's travels, the person to be a soulmate; an individual who's ready to move beyond the immediate satisfaction of primal urges for sex, lots of money, high fashion, vanity, self-indulgence, and is seeking the kind of relationship that puts them on a higher level as a human being, someone ready to move beyond the lower rungs of the hierarchy of needs that each individual must satisfy.
Yes indeed, a city like NYC is populated with millions of disparate individuals, each with a personal and unique agenda, each trying to outdo the other in a frenzied panic to make it big here, to score before the number three, to grab that highly paid exec, to find someone in the meantime who will either accept a disposable relationship or spend his or her time focused on pampering the ego, the body, the soul without any reciprocity.
What a tough scene indeed. Meaningful relationships are tough here. Perhaps that is why so many accept disposable, three strikes, one night stand encounters as the status quo. The logic might be that romance and long term are inccompatible with achieving the opportunities that NYC offers. After all the city is focused on the individual more so than in many other parts of the world.
Perhaps for many of us, NYC is the place to be to fulfil our professional, cultural, physical cravings - but when we are ready for fulfilling the needs for romance and a commitment we must expand our geographic parameters beyond the confines of the Big Apple. Either do this, it may appear, or settle for mediocrity and forced relationships as short-lived as a subway fare increase.
No, it's not your imagination, Indi, dating/romance in NYC is indeed a difficult path laden with minefields and explosives as one tries to safely maneuver oneself to attain one's objective.
The problems include those typical of any high-density urban area but also involve issues peculiar to NYC and the throngs who come here - each with a differing agenda. Too often the agendas clash, the objectives are incongruous, the parties are mismatched, and one must recommence the process all over again.
You have those seeking someone who meets cosmetic requirements - such as being a high-flying Wall Streeter, a model from the pages of a Victoria's Secret Lingerie catalog, a partner who can recite the Kama Sutra inside out and can practically demonstrate its contents in a way that drives one so passionately over the top that all else in life becomes meaningless, a woman who combines an Ivy League brain with the sex appeal of Mariah Carey, a man whose Olympic feats and endowments in bed are outdone only by the size of his wallet.
Yes, then there are some men who come to the Big Apple armed with the dictates of yet another relationship expert whose mantra to score in three attempts if you're a real man is the sole dating techniue to which they subscribe. They co-exist alongside women whose evaluation of one's longterm relationship potential is premised on how well-heeled one is or whether one lives in Manhattan - and a ritzy part - or God forbid, an outer borough where only losers, poor immigrants, the downtrodden live.
Enter the man or woman seeking more than a bar pickup or a one-night stand. Enter the individual who seeks someting meaningful, a partner to share one's dreams, one's hobbies, one's travels, the person to be a soulmate; an individual who's ready to move beyond the immediate satisfaction of primal urges for sex, lots of money, high fashion, vanity, self-indulgence, and is seeking the kind of relationship that puts them on a higher level as a human being, someone ready to move beyond the lower rungs of the hierarchy of needs that each individual must satisfy.
Yes indeed, a city like NYC is populated with millions of disparate individuals, each with a personal and unique agenda, each trying to outdo the other in a frenzied panic to make it big here, to score before the number three, to grab that highly paid exec, to find someone in the meantime who will either accept a disposable relationship or spend his or her time focused on pampering the ego, the body, the soul without any reciprocity.
What a tough scene indeed. Meaningful relationships are tough here. Perhaps that is why so many accept disposable, three strikes, one night stand encounters as the status quo. The logic might be that romance and long term are inccompatible with achieving the opportunities that NYC offers. After all the city is focused on the individual more so than in many other parts of the world.
Perhaps for many of us, NYC is the place to be to fulfil our professional, cultural, physical cravings - but when we are ready for fulfilling the needs for romance and a commitment we must expand our geographic parameters beyond the confines of the Big Apple. Either do this, it may appear, or settle for mediocrity and forced relationships as short-lived as a subway fare increase.
Yes, yes, yes... Alas. You nailed me and my situation there esp. in your last paragraph, Miles. But you know my story. I love NYC for the work/artistic opportunities (and related friendships I have been blessed to find here...or did they find me?); but if I am to have a full life I must expand my parameters beyond the Big Apple. As you know, that's pretty much what I'm in the process of doing. Wish things were different, but as they say, "What is, is."
The problem is that we eligible Manhattan guys are damn SMART and EXPERIENCED.
We know the games women play and we refuse to play them.
We don't fall for pretty girls who throw up false pretenses about how sex is a magical, unicorn rainbow ride where 2 people spend countless hours holding hands, running through fields of marigold, and spending many an enchanted evening revealing their innermost thoughts to each other embraced in candlelight before finally getting down to hot, monkey love.
We throw their phone numbers out, we never call them back.
The smartest and most experienced among us can even spot them without wasting time on a single date.
We know that every second spent with someone who believes in fairies is a time wasted -- time that could be spent with a real adult woman.
Or at the very least, spent with someone whom we can at least have sex with while on our road to finding a real adult woman.
Ah yes, Tom Leykis...LOL... He has the Leykettes as well who support him at events, and one has to notice scantily-clad female cheerleaders in bikinis and lucite heels to support a talk show. It's just pure theatre on the same station that hosts Adam Carolla and Danny Bonaduce. Oddly enough, TL has some food and drink show as well on Saturdays, but I just cannot listen when I am in LA, save for a few minutes one might catch while waiting for the awesome Merrill Schindler show on food and drink, who is the king of the LA food talk scene. Similarly, I sometimes cath him when I am waiting for the very funny Tim Conway Jr.'s show to come on the air.
Leykis is not a self-hating New Yorker, rather he's a shock jock, plain and simple, so the outrage helps to get the ratings. I mean how can anyone take seriously a radio host who has "Flash Fridays" in which men are encouraged to drive with their headlights on and women are supposed to use another means of flashing them. Plus, he mumbles too much. LOL
Have you really listened to the show? He actually makes sense most of the time and speaks the truth. Im not some leykis 101 fanatic, but he actually gives out some great advice, many times to women as well. Hes been divorced 4 times so hes got alot more experience than the average joe.
Have you really listened to the show? He actually makes sense most of the time and speaks the truth. Im not some leykis 101 fanatic, but he actually gives out some great advice, many times to women as well. Hes been divorced 4 times so hes got alot more experience than the average joe.
LOL...Oh yes, I know TL's show, back in the day when 97.1 was "interactive" and Sam Phillips founded The Leykettes. I have to give props to Sam, however, for her skillful creation of the mother of all promotions squads.
Yes, well, I tend not to take advice in romantic measures from people who have been married in multiples. LOL...call me crazy, and perhaps that's what I have been doing wrong.
Yes, well, I tend not to take advice in romantic measures from people who have been married in multiples. LOL
It's kind of pathetic to see all these so-called relationship and sex experts come out of the woodwork claiming to have the know it all solution to all the failures that one has had in life. When you examine their resume you see that these guys and gals have checkered pasts in the departments where they allegedly are the most qualified pundits.
Multiple broken marriages, disastrous past relationships, highly debatable success stories in their present lives, and bleaky futures to boot - if one doesn't count the millions they make heralding the next quick fix to mend your broken heart.
Which is why I try to keep my eye on the winners, or on folks who have the kinds of relationships I desire, and at the same time recognizing that no one really knows what is right for another person.
(Thank God that no one is looking at me - but that's for my own thread yet to be determined. lol))
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Bingo
so hes got alot more experience than the average joe.
