Am I a quitter if I leave Manhattan? (houses, neighborhoods)

[melissa809]

chinatown is really dingy ....like other posters here mentioned, why not try one of the outer boroughs?..I grew up in Astoria.....it was an AMAZING place....outdoor cafes in the spring/summer...unbelievable restaurants....SO close to the subways....rent is WAY more affordable than Manhattan, yet you are literally a 10 minute ride into midtown...neighborhood bars/clubs.....

Astoria Park....the strip....lol...Steinway Street.....Italian feasts and street festivals....bicycle riding to Roosevelt Island...you can actually own a car...though alternate side of the street parking can be harrowing, at times

You can rent an apartment in a building....OR a private house

[LCM81]

I think you guys should give it a whole year. You haven't experienced summer in NYC, and summer in NYC is amazing. Decide after one year, and if you move somewhere else, at least you'll have had the experience.

You're out of your comfort zone, and that is always a challenge. However, remember that as with everything in life, discomfort=growth. In the long run, you'll see the benefits.

[Redsoxasian]

What's the main reason you relocated to Manhattan? The "culture, food, nightlife, career opportunities" you described? Have you found them? Based on what you said, should be a Yes, to a certain degree. Quite frankly, you didn't need to pack up and move to Manhattan to realize that you wouldn't be able to entertain as much in your place in Manhattan because there is no granite center island kitchen and you wouldn't have as much space. If you decided to quit -- leave for where? Given the still crappy job market these days, I am not sure about the possibility of securing the job out-of-state even if you are a very qualified candidate. Also, your resume will "take a hit" like you mentioned. Yes , the pay is relatively less (adj for COL), but you said your job is good and ur with a good company. Not all ppl can say about their job.

I suggest that once your lease is up move to other parts of Manhattan, or parts of BK, Queens with quick train access to Manhattan.

[Idunn]

In my experience we see a new situation quite well at the outset, instinctually feel it, but it can take some time to intellectually understand, rationalize, and accept.

Thus your first assessment on arriving in NYC was probably correct, but you may not yet know what it was. Therefore the suggestions to give yourself enough time are surely apt. It might be added that in this interval you might do some soul searching, and otherwise explore the pros and cons of your new environment. But when the understanding at last comes, then move in and forward, or begone with no excuses or regrets.

In all fairness although I've had the pleasure of visiting New England several times but once to NYC as a child, with still no great desire to return. Some will be aghast at such blasphemy, or entirely agree, you just have to find out what camp you belong with, most specifically your own. One good way of doing that is travel. Any situation is best seen from without. Surely do make a point of not only visiting new favorite enclaves of NYC but also well beyond its borders. A brief trip back home might help, but the main thing is to remove yourself to at least another state, if not country, and look back at your life from there. You might be surprised what you find. Do it at least once, and probably on more than a few occasions. At minimum, and surely more, you will have some short, pleasant vacations.

Meanwhile the advice to remain in your new home until at least spring seems good. Your perspective and attitude may change come spring. One year on is often a good divide as well. If summer and still more than a few concerns then you might begin planning a graceful exit. But above all else trust your inner voice. If you remain unsure then it is with good reason. You just haven't understood what they are yet.

[zizussa2]

Please don't leave before the summer! I moved to Manhattan in January of 2009 and HATED it until Spring. It's not only a weather thing--the city is just so much more vibrant and joyous once it gets warmer. I also found the pace to be overwhelming at first, but I'm enjoying it so much more now that I've adjusted. I second other posters' suggestions of considering one of the outer boroughs. Friends of mine recently hosted a fantastic dinner party at their lovely Astoria apartment.

[ANAPA]

Originally Posted by mjaan

I moved to Manhattan in a whirlwind Fall 2009. I thought it had been a dream of mine to live here. The culture, food, and night life were the big draw as well as career opportunities. I was sure that the inconveniences that are inherent in city-living would be far outweighed by the benefits.

It's only been about 4 months and I'm already planning my escape. Here is my current assessment:

Weather: even though I came from a warm climate, I enjoy the winter and the cold is not an issue for me.
Career: I have a good (but replaceable) job at an amazing company
Salary: I get paid less here than my last job if you properly adjust for cost of living
Living: I have the fortune of having a true 1 bedroom and not having to have roommates, but my space is 1/3 of what I moved from, and while clean, nothing compared to what I'm used to.
Hobbies: my life up to this point had been defined by my love of cooking and entertaining. Neither of which I can really do here (at least not at the level that makes it definable as a hobby)
Friends: I have a handful of "friends" here, but nothing remotely of substance compared to those I have elsewhere. Making additional friends is proving challenging as people are interested in one of two things (1) constantly getting wasted or (2) getting in my pants

So my question is this...if I leave around the 6 month mark, am I a quitter? Is it common for people to come and leave Manhattan so crazily? Or is it okay that I've accepted that the city is not for me and to move on before enduring anymore?

Even if it's harsh, I'd love your input!

I moved from NYC to LA and I HATE LA with a passion, but I also realized I should give it at least a year. I'm giving it two because of this horrible economy as getting another job that I'm certain won't lay me off six months later is a little risky right now. Needless to say, I’ve been here long enough to know that I don’t like it because the intellectual level of LA is subpar.

BUT... six months is not enough time and your issue with friends is unfair. You've only been there six months and you're complaining you have friends of more substance elsewhere.. Of course you do! You've only been there six months.

I'm not sure why you can't cook to the extent you used to if your apartment came with a stove a sink and a refrigerator unless it has to do with entertaining friends, but again, you've only been there six months.

Give it a good year and then decide. One friend of mine hated NYC when she moved there… Hated it for the whole first year and now you can’t make her leave the place.

If you still hate NYC after a year then by all means pack up your bags and go.

[Biskit]

It's weird how people can hate NYC then all of the sudden love it and vice versa. I don't think it's the city - it's their lives. NYC isn't life, it just provides arguably the best setting to live your life. Life is family, friends, career, hobbies, passions and everything else that I could continue to list to restate the obvious. It's not being around millions of strangers, bright lights, tall buildings, trendy neighborhoods, fast pace etc. Maslow's hierarchy before Manhattan skyscrapers, lol.

[mjaan]

Originally Posted by Shmalik

I have to say I am a little freaked out reading your posts because I am in almost an identical position. I moved from London to NYC late Oct last year when I was offered a job at our NYC office.

I didn't really think too much about it - my gut said yes for the same reasons you outlined - job opportunity, amazing city, culture, the experience to grow.. meet new people... I thought NYC would be a step up from London for all those reasons and whilst there are so many great things about this city, I am a little disappointed by some of the people I have come across. Although I have met a handful of really nice people, in general, I have found people to either be alot more 'showy and no substance' or rather more reserved than in London. Which was a big surprise. And I work in advertising!!!

I have never really been short of friends and acquaintances and I strike up conversations quickly - even here - but they aren't developing. Well not with the people I want anyway!

It might just be a cultural difference and I am missing my family and friends alot. I guess I just expected it all to happen quickly and I am underestimating how much I have gone through relocating and setting up from scratch.

The posts here have been helpful to me too and I think in general, people are right, it has been too short a time to really give yourself a chance to KNOW the city, the people, and most importantly have a respectable enough time on your resume from this job.

I thought about going back so many times - just saying sod it, pay the relo fees back (argh!!) and the 2 months deposit on the apt (double argh cuz I love my apt, only just completed doing it up and not sharing either) and head back home to what I know and am comfy with. BUT although that doesn't make you a quitter, it is wasting all that effort you took to make the move in the first place. If nothing else, try some of the suggestions from the posts (particularly Coolhand & Turtlecreek's) before you decide to go back. I know I will too. And there's always another option - if after giving it more time you still don't like it, you can always head home or go elsewhere but at least you won't have any regrets.

It's good to hear others have such a similar situation as me. To those who LOVE this city, they look at you like you're an alien when you suggest that it isn't the best place in the world. You brought up a good point about the relocation costs and efforts put into moving here. That process was nearly as taxing as the death of my father. I couldn't believe how awful it was. And the costs were enormous. I guess my internal response to it is that those are sunk costs...paid whether I stay or leave. I have decided to stay into the nicer spring/summer season so I can get a more complete picture of NYC. But I just recently returned from a visit back to FL and though my Saturday night out wasn't as glamorous, it was REALLY nice to jump in the car to run and get a coffee when it was raining or have a trunk to throw my shopping bags in.

One of the other responses below mentions discomfort equalling growth. I completely agree and I HAVE learned a ton since I've been here...about myself, other cultures, and professionally as well. I wouldn't say I regret moving here but it's hard to ignore my unhappiness when it gets progessively worse each day (something I would expect to get progessively better if this were the place fore me)

[twist07]

Originally Posted by mjaan

One of the other responses below mentions discomfort equalling growth. I completely agree and I HAVE learned a ton since I've been here...about myself, other cultures, and professionally as well. I wouldn't say I regret moving here but it's hard to ignore my unhappiness when it gets progessively worse each day (something I would expect to get progessively better if this were the place fore me)

From what I can tell on the board, people don't blame you for hating it. I for one Love this city and I hope to be in NY long term, however I also realize its not for everyone. Especially you, you went from the Suburban sprawl of Central Florida to Chinatown in Manhattan. You went from one extreme to another, so your experience is unique even to people living in NYC. There are cheaper options in the outer-boroughs, it seems you jumped in head first into an empty pool, your situation would stress me out as well. So, no one can blame you, the only thing I can say that has been repeated is that your opinion may change come late April. Even if you leave ultimately, do not deny yourself an NYC summer. I for one could not stand living in Central Florida and hope to never relive it. Yet again, to each his own...

[cali4ever]

Don't waste another day, get out of this stinking city as soon as you can. The sooner you do the sooner you start enjoying normal life. You don't need to justify it or explain it to anybody.