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In 2006 my husband and I moved to Florida. It was great! We had so much fun here. In 2008 a drunk driver killed my husband. My husband was on his motorcycle and the driver made a left turn into him. So now I am a widow with four children. All my family resides in different areas of NY. For the past two years I have been so alone in Florida. I had one close girlfriend that moved three hours away with her husband and children so its always just the kids and I.
Now in July of this year I decided to drive to NY and visit everyone. I went to Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Yonkers, and White Plains NY. It was great seeing my family but I wouldn't want to move to any of these areas. Yonkers and White Plains is still nice but geez the rentals are outrageous.
Here is my question. Is there anywhere in NY that you guys have experience living in that you would say the rents are a great deal, the neighborhood are family friendly, good schools either public or private, and I won't be no more than 3 to 4 hours away from Westchester County (yonkers).
Online I have seen Binghamton has great rental prices but are these true or scams, is the area bad?
My children are my world and all I have left of my husband. I do not want to make any mistakes. I just cannot take it being so alone in Florida. Its taking a toll on me. It felt so good spending the month of July with them. I would love to return to the seasons. I would love to take the kids FAO Schwartz, Rockerfeller Center, the plantarium, apple picking in the fall, I can go on and on. I miss NY plus the family in it.
I hope to hear someones advice soon! Thanks for reading!!!
You need to make yourself happy, not just for you, but your kids also. I was in GA for about 6 1/2 years and just miserable being away from the NYC lifestyle that I grew up in not to mention other things. Go were your heart is, discuss it with your children and see how they feel about it.
Ask yourself this:
1. Do you or will have a job out here or some sort of steady income lined up?
2. How many things will you need to sell or give away.
3. Moving costs
4. Schools for the kids and environment.
If for the past 2 years you've felt the same way you do now and by coming back to NY you feel happier I would say just do it. You may miss the south for various reasons, but nothing compares to NY especially if you grew up here.
I miss it dearly. I came down to Florida with my husband and when it was he and I, we were unstoppable. Now he is gone. It hurts so much. Just being in NY this summer with the family felt awesome. The kids loved it. I had a piece of mind. I felt like my children had the love of a family and not just me. It felt good seeing them with grandpa (my dad) and with their aunts, uncle, and friends.
We receive Survivors Benefits so I would have income when I go up. I do have work experience and a degree so I would hope to find a part time job at the least.
The moving cost I checked into. Its bananas. If I drive a Uhaul myself its about 2,000 but then what about my vehicle and the kids. So maybe it would be wise to sell everything and just re-establish ourselves.
The little ones don't understand much. My little boy it was his first day of kindergarten and he asked was daddy coming from heaven to take him to school. My older ones say lets go back to NY. I guess they see how I am to myself and the difference when we were home this summer.
sorry about your loss...I know such losses are devastating to the whole family, and it's all complicated by being so far away from family.
First, before you make more plans...are you really sure you want to move the family back to New York State? While you will be nearer your family, being 3 or 4 hours away from them is still away from them. If you are that familiar with New York State, then you know the weather issues, the taxation issues, the high unemployment rates, the high cost of living, food, shelter, transporation.
From this side of the computer, you still are grieving the loss of your husband and the children's father. While he cannot be replaced, given time, some social support(do you have a family minister? or just a close friend you can talk with?), you will come to accept this loss and deal better with it. You need to take things, day by day. Get through this day, take pride in your accomplishment(even however minor), go outdoors in the Florida sunshine, move around, play with your children, hug them, laugh. Then get through the next day and do the same. And then get through the next day. You need first to take care of yourself and your children. I know it can be hard living so far from familiar surroundings and social supports...but it can be done...just one day at a time though. Give yourself some time before making such a drastic change in your life, and the children's life.
I'd worry that you are not in the best frame of mind for making such a drastic change. Think of what you've got around you today. Then pinch yoursefl and think of all the upheaval, work, costs, uncertainty in your and your childrens' minds associated with moving cross country, to a cold environment, with little sunshine, lots of cold, dark dreary days. Sure, Binghamton is a great location, as is Oneonta, Greene, Cortland, and many others. But to get there will cause even more upheaval in your lives, and the end results may not be what you expected.
Do yourself a favor...do like I suggested two paragraphs above. Try that for the remainder of the Florida school year. I promise that your life will be better, if you put your mind in a positive direction, and give yourself and your children the quality time you all deserve. You all will get through this and be thankful for not leaving Florida.
Seriously, think over, re-read my post, re-read it again, and when you feel down...then go outside in the Florida sunshine and play with your kids. If you have any social support, talk this issue over with them to get another outsiders' opinion. Don't do anything such a major relocation until you've gien it some more time.
I was thinking about your situation after I submittted the other post above.
Even though it has been 2 or so years since your husband died, and even though going up to New York and seeing family felt good, at the moment, I stongly recommend your not making any drastic changes in residence, no matter how appealing they make look , at the moment.
You and your 4 children still need stability in your living situation,,,the comforts of home(be it in Floria), the comforts of knowing your way around town, the shopping at the same grocery store, the kids still going to the same school, pedicatrician, the same pizza place, the same parks, them having the same friends. This stability, comfort, daily routines, regular places, on and on, is what helps people heal and get through tough times.
I'm sure by now you've told your children that while their father is in Heaven, he is truly with them, watching over them, there to protect them and keep them safe from harm. Yhey need to know that their father did not abandon them, and that he will truly always be there with them, even if they can't see him; they also need to know that they can talk with their father who is in Heaven
The last thing you all need is the upheaval of preparing for a move, the breaking of old, established ties. the dislocation of you and your children from all that has provided stability, support, and comfort to get you to where you are all today. Just think of what you will need to do to relocate to upstate New York. Do you really want to go through all that? Especially when you all are still apparently grieving his loss?
I firmly think that you are writing to this forum not so much as advice as to where to go, but more for guidance that perhaps you should consider staying where you are for the school year, to let your healing continue, resolve issues, and make peace with your husband's loss and your life without him.
Oh! and lastly, you all still can be "with" your family via e-mails, webcams, cell phones, texting, on and on.
Don't forget that even though you may not be looking for another husband at this time, there's a better chance of finding another one in Florida.
Think about all I've had to suggest. Let me know what you decide and if I can be of any assistance. God Bless you and your children.
Hartwick the unemployment rate is MUCH WORSE here in florida and wages are less. Also as someone whomoved from their family in NY text mesaging, webcams, and phone calls are not enough especially when you are alone with children. Children especially after a loss need to experience other family besides their own mother. NYS school systems are also better than Florida school systems. I would say do what would make you happy. If I was out of college I would move out of Florida and back to Rochester in a minute. (Where the cost of living is actually 4.5% cheaper than Tampa)
Hartwick the unemployment rate is MUCH WORSE here in florida and wages are less. Also as someone whomoved from their family in NY text mesaging, webcams, and phone calls are not enough especially when you are alone with children. Children especially after a loss need to experience other family besides their own mother. NYS school systems are also better than Florida school systems. I would say do what would make you happy. If I was out of college I would move out of Florida and back to Rochester in a minute. (Where the cost of living is actually 4.5% cheaper than Tampa)
Exactly and people don't really look up information about that first. Same with the cost of living, in which people up here only think about taxes, but don't think about other fees/costs.
The Binghamton area wouldn't be a bad move. There are some good schools in the area(Vestal, Maine-Endwell and Chenango Valley are probably the best) and the cost of living is pretty low.
The Syracuse area would be a great choice too. Affordable, good schools, the general area is safe and is in a good location. School districts like Fayetteville-Manlius, Jamesville-DeWitt, Westhill and West Genesee, among some others are viewed as the best.
There are other areas to look at like the Albany-Schenectady-Troy area, the Utica-Rome area and even some smaller cities/towns in between.
Depending on your financial situation, maybe instead of uprooting everyone you could purchase a vacation home in the Catskills area and spend summers there instead of Florida. You'd get to keep your state of residence FL (no income tax) and you'd be able to escape the FL summers.
As for places, I see Sullivan County as a possible option. It's 1hr 45min from Yonkers (according to google)
Maybe a place like this: Sullivan County Real Estate & Sullivan County Homes for Sale - VLSHomes.com
Just something to consider. Again, this may not be an option at all but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
Best of luck and I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I respectfully have to disagree with Hartwick, as it appears you and your children do not have the family support which would help you heal after two years. There are many areas upstate (Catskill area, further up the southern Adirondacks (Clifton Park, Ballston Spa, Town of Saratoga, Stillwater, etc.) Search the ALBANY forum and you should find plenty of information.
We spent a month traveling through FL this winter and many, many areas have closed businesses, forclosures, for sale, strip malls empty, and over all depressed areas. The Capital District forclosure rate is 1 in 640, versus in FL the rate was 1 in 105 (Feb). Also upstate NY housing did not crash as bad as the rest of the nation.
Thank you all for responding. Yes Ellwood is correct. I have no one at all in Florida. I have no support at all. The people that my husband and I knew as acquaintances when he passed showed their true colors. It seemed these people thought I was a walking ATM machine. I have been living in Florida for 4 years now. I had one good friend but due to the economy she moved far away with her husband and children in the beginning of this year.
Two of my children are very young 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 they really do not understand much. My two older one's which are 10 and 9 want to go back up north. They truly enjoyed their aunts company, going for boat rides with grandpa and just having so much love around them.
As for employment in Florida it is quite bad here. I do know for a fact my career would grow in NY way more than in Florida. My comforts of home like you say Hartwick is truly in NY. I am truly lost in Florida. I wish I could on weekends go spend time with my family. I wish I could invite them over for BBQ's or dinner etc. This is why I say being no more than 3 hours away is fine with me. I do not plan to invade my familys life everyday. I love to drive so going on weekends to my sisters or brothers home or doing something with all the kids is what I yearn for. I can't do that 22 hours away from home.
As for the other places some of you advised about I will look into it. Again, thank you very much.
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moving back to New York State
