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An update from that is that I emailed him to meet up in February 2010. We chatted a bit, dinner/movie and sort of caught up, but never brought up the topic of the issue as I was too afraid to mention it, so we left a bit awkward, I guess.
I sent him a quick email (a month later) saying that I had fun and a brief apology for what happened and would like to continue to friendship. I didn't get a response. Was I not sincere enough?
Come graduation in May 2010, I bumped into him briefly and he congratulated me. But again, I got coldfeet and didn't bring it up.
Even half a year later, this issue is still haunting me now.
I'm not sure what to do. I feel depressed every now and then to the point where I just mope for hours when nostalgia hits. I want this resolved, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I send one more email, this time lengthier? I'm not sure he'll respond. The only way of means I have of contacting him is just through email.
I dont think you should let it bother you so much. It probably has bothered you more then it has bothered him. I think you should let bygones be bygones, it doesnt sound like he has brought the issue up at all so just let it go. If you want things resolved, just send him a quick email explaining that you got a bit crazy while living with him due to the fights with your tenant and you hope that he would forgive you for your behavior. And that you totally don't harbor any ill willl towards him. He'll probably say oh dont worry about it, he understands and all lthings are dandy.
Apparently he is not bothered by your 'psychotic-ish' behavior ~4.5 years ago (one year beyond your original post) and you have offered an apology. Nothing more to do. Let your guilt go...
I have a best friend, I love her with all my heart and would start a relationship with her in a heartbeat, we have known each other 20+ years and both of us have been through hard times, where we 'lit' into the other one in anger and frustration. The bottom line is we still have the friendship, life is hard and someone who cares about you will care about you even if you had a "psychotic-ish" episode.
Speak with him, speak honestly and both of you get past it, and you will see the future is much brighter.
I sent him a quick email (a month later) saying that I had fun and a brief apology for what happened and would like to continue to friendship. I didn't get a response. Was I not sincere enough?
Let it go.
By this point I'm sure he has already formed his opinion of you and moved on. And since you are no longer housemates, you are no longer part of his inner circle. You missed a crucial opportunity to take responsibility for your behavior and it cost you what could have been a close friendship.
This is why it is very important to keep yourself in check around those you care about. Sure we are all subject to episodes, but I think you waited far too long to apologize or even address the situation. One must strike while the iron is hot.
Your entire college years have passed before you actually took the initiative to make amends...?
You emailed him once, so he knows how you feel. He has either forgiven you or he hasn't, but it should be obvious that he doesn't want to continue on with a friendship more than what it is right now. So, put it out of your mind and use this as a learning experience. Once you behave a certain way around people, to them that is who you are and they don't want much to do with that kind of personallity.
By this point I'm sure he has already formed his opinion of you and moved on. And since you are no longer housemates, you are no longer part of his inner circle. You missed a crucial opportunity to take responsibility for your behavior and it cost you what could have been a close friendship.
This is why it is very important to keep yourself in check around those you care about. Sure we are all subject to episodes, but I think you waited far too long to apologize or even address the situation. One must strike while the iron is hot.
Your entire college years have passed before you actually took the initiative to make amends...?
Thanks everyone for the comments and advice. It made me feel better and pushed me towards the right direction
@D; I was immature with my emotions back then (this happened sophmore year) and the concepts of friendship. Junior year was the year I spent rebuilding myself (emotionally and mentally), while Senior year, I was swamped with schoolwork.
A few friends told me to not contact him, so I just avoided the issue. Clearly, if this relationship had meant a lot to me (which it did), I would have "strike the iron while is hot". Unfortunately, I was not mature and brave enough, so the chips fell where it did and I am in this situation. Oh, I also had a huge infatuation on him (we are both males, but I never told him), which made the situation even more complicated for me...
But throughout that particular episode, I have learned a lot and promptly apologized to any friends whom I hurt (usually within the week). It's just this loose string is the only baggage I have.
--------------------------------
Everyone, reading through your comments, I think that a final heartfelt apology letter (as I never really truly apologized except that brief email...) to him, including an email and contact number, should be in order. I won't expect an answer, but it seems like that's all I can do and move on with my life. Yes or no?
Again, thank you and CD for the support in a crucial turning point of my life!
You don't owe him anything, certainly not an apology..Why should you apologize for the way you were feeling at that time..I think ypou are dwelling way too much on what you may or may not have done right in your past.Be you, be real, and never feel bad for that..He's in your past...isn't he???
An update from that is that I emailed him to meet up in February 2010. We chatted a bit, dinner/movie and sort of caught up, but never brought up the topic of the issue as I was too afraid to mention it, so we left a bit awkward, I guess.
I sent him a quick email (a month later) saying that I had fun and a brief apology for what happened and would like to continue to friendship. I didn't get a response. Was I not sincere enough?
Come graduation in May 2010, I bumped into him briefly and he congratulated me. But again, I got coldfeet and didn't bring it up.
Even half a year later, this issue is still haunting me now.
I'm not sure what to do. I feel depressed every now and then to the point where I just mope for hours when nostalgia hits. I want this resolved, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I send one more email, this time lengthier? I'm not sure he'll respond. The only way of means I have of contacting him is just through email.
Am I going crazy with guilt...?
Suggestion?
Last yr had an old girlfriend from 13-15yrs ago reach out to my brother trying to find me, apparently telling my brother she had some unresolved issues w/ me that had been hauting her all these years later.
My Brother forwards her email to me, I promptly inform her that no appology is necessary that I barely recall our relationship and no one owes me any appology, and no reply is waranted. She responds anyway to tell me just how great her life is and that I'd been on her mind for some time now, and that she'd spoke to her husband of now 13yrs and they prayed about it and felt this was somehow the best option for her to get passed what ever it was, she continued to tell me about her career, he wonderful 3 children etc etc. THIS BLEW MY MIND!!! I knew years ago she had a screw loose and promptly bolted from relationship, now she contacts me to tell me how great her life is.
Well I wasn't biting cause I knew it had to be something more cause who in their right minds would do what she, just did, and at no point did she ever say what it was that had her so distraught for all those years that she just had to track me dow. IE someone was reevaluating their life, was going thru the typical 30 something re-eval of their life process and wondering what if.
You see all those years ago when she acted crazy, nothing has really changed, she's still crazy!
Maybe his guy sees this w/ you? Just sayin!
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