Close family member in the adult industry. How to react? (girlfriend, male)
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This Thanksgiving was quite eventful with the normal physical altercations and screaming matches taking place between my family members after several drinks.
What was not normal was finding out that a nephew of mine has not only entered the adult industry, but the gay adult industry. My sister pulled me aside after dinner to let me know that her 19-year old son has been doing gay porn for roughly 4 months.
He did not reveal this side of his life at dinner, probably because my mom (his grandmother) would have disowned him on spot. He let his parents know several weeks ago and my sister told me after a few drinks.
He claims he is not gay, but he claims that he gets paid quite a bit more to have sex with men than women. He is in college and runs low on money often as my sister and brother-in-law can only provide him with so much. He had a man find his profile picture on Facebook and offer to fly him out to LA from Las Vegas to do some modeling work. The rest is history.
I was quiet during the rest of dinner for fear of opening a can of worms. I am pretty close to nephew. I am uncertain how to react. Our family is very conservative and I remember babysitting my nephew when he was really young. Would you just accept a member of your family being in the gay adult industry? Would you act like nothing has changed?
I get the shock, but what does it have to do with you? He's not your son. It really is none of your business.
We are close. We talk on the phone frequently. He hasn't revealed this aspect on his life to me. I know that I will speak to him in the next couple of weeks and I am uncomfortable on what to say after finding this info out.
It's sad. If it were me, I would send him a heartfelt letter, telling him how much I love him and adding my disappointment at his choice, concern for his character and safety, etc.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. I find family challenges to be the most difficult. How does your sister manage to accept it, I wonder?
It's sad. If it were me, I would send him a heartfelt letter, telling him how much I love him and adding my disappointment at his choice, concern for his character and safety, etc.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. I find family challenges to be the most difficult. How does your sister manage to accept it, I wonder?
This ^^^
How extremely sad. Was this young man ever abused as a child? I ask this because, working with troubled children/teens, I often find that their low self esteem and the poor choices they make later in life is often tied to some type of abuse, be it physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Again, how very, very sad.
It IS your business, he's your flesh and blood and you love him. Make it known to him without getting all preachy about it.
It's sad. If it were me, I would send him a heartfelt letter, telling him how much I love him and adding my disappointment at his choice, concern for his character and safety, etc.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. I find family challenges to be the most difficult. How does your sister manage to accept it, I wonder?
I was thinking of doing just that. The only hesitation that I have is that he might throw the letter out. According to my sister, he is really enjoying the money that he earns from being with other men. He is more than able to cover his rent, bills, car note, and clothes.
My sister has not come to terms with this. She broke down while telling me the news. She and my BIL have offered him more support to stop his destructive ways, but he has refused the cash. It is very difficult to accept a family member basically being a prostitute when they come from a good, loving family.
I was thinking of doing just that. The only hesitation that I have is that he might throw the letter out. According to my sister, he is really enjoying the money that he earns from being with other men. He is more than able to cover his rent, bills, car note, and clothes.
My sister has not come to terms with this. She broke down while telling me the news. She and my BIL have offered him more support to stop his destructive ways, but he has refused the cash. It is very difficult to accept a family member basically being a prostitute when they come from a good, loving family.
This ^^^
How extremely sad. Was this young man ever abused as a child? I ask this because, working with troubled children/teens, I often find that their low self esteem and the poor choices they make later in life is often tied to some type of abuse, be it physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Again, how very, very sad.
It IS your business, he's your flesh and blood and you love him. Make it known to him without getting all preachy about it.
I truly highly doubt that he was ever abused. My sister and BIL have provided a stable, loving household with the normal parental guidance you would expect from such. He participated in many extra curricular activites, has had several girlfriends, and entered college immediately after high school last May.
It just makes no sense to me.
I will let him know that I love him, but that this lifestyle will only lead to misery and destruction.
Yes, he may throw it away, but he may read it first. I would start with a letter, then follow up with cards or emails. I would focus on the fact that you love him . . . and that while this might be taking care of some immediate material needs, there can be no ultimate happiness from this lifestyle . . . I would research on google what happens to male prostitutes . . .might not do anything, but whatever you feel moved to do I would do out of love. At least you know you have done everything you can possibly do.
Then I would pray for him and ask others to, as well (and I am not religious, but spiritual, but I know prayer works). Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
I honestly think people have to make their own mistakes, but this sounds like a doozie. So difficult for the family. I wish people would understand that everything they do has a domino effect. Does he not care what his parents think?
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