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It seems to me that Violett *never* wants to talk to these people even though she is visiting them in the spring. That doesn't make too much sense to me.
I think that if a person cares to know people they make concessions here and there to speak with them even if they don't necessarily feel like it.
I'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible, but I don't know if I can do it justice because it's a little hard to put into words.
I'm much closer to my father's side of the family, my mom died when I was young and I've lost touch with nearly everyone on her side except these relatives.
On my mom's side of the family, everyone is very extroverted, but they keep the conversation topics light and impersonal. But there's ways of communicating on my mom's side of the family that's nonverbal, there's a lot of reading in between the lines. If you say the wrong thing in the wrong way, they'll just stop talking to you. There are unwritten "rules" in behavior.
My uncle (mother's brother), for reasons unknown to me, just stopped talking to me. I'm not really sure why and attempts to email him have been futile. I must have broken some "rule" and I have no idea what it is that I did. He had some ongoing drama with my mom to which I'm not privy the details before she died and I think he just carried on the drama with me, but honestly, I don't know.
The family I want to keep in touch with are my uncle's children who are now grown with their children. One of the cousins came to stay with my family for a while when I was growing up, and even though we've lost touch, we still have a kind of bond between us. But, I'm really terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing by accident and losing the last part of that side of my family.
I figure that when I go down to visit them, if they get to know me in person a little better, they may understand me a little bit more and then I'll feel less scared to say or do the wrong thing over the phone or Skype. You would not believe how quickly this side of the family makes snap judgments that they will stick to forever and never open up and discuss it with you, so I really feel like I need to tread lightly in terms of communication until I meet them. I don't want anything I say to be misconstrued before I have a chance to see them in person and let them get to know me.
Wow. That's intense. So you basically don't trust them. I would just say your computer is broken or something . . . there must be something you can think of. You are not at their mercy.
Wow. That's intense. So you basically don't trust them. I would just say your computer is broken or something . . . there must be something you can think of. You are not at their mercy.
haha, well I guess that's the thing. I sort of feel like I am at their mercy. We're on Facebook together, and so far that's going ok, but I don't want to push it.
I'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible, but I don't know if I can do it justice because it's a little hard to put into words.
I'm much closer to my father's side of the family, my mom died when I was young and I've lost touch with nearly everyone on her side except these relatives.
On my mom's side of the family, everyone is very extroverted, but they keep the conversation topics light and impersonal. But there's ways of communicating on my mom's side of the family that's nonverbal, there's a lot of reading in between the lines. If you say the wrong thing in the wrong way, they'll just stop talking to you. There are unwritten "rules" in behavior.
My uncle (mother's brother), for reasons unknown to me, just stopped talking to me. I'm not really sure why and attempts to email him have been futile. I must have broken some "rule" and I have no idea what it is that I did. He had some ongoing drama with my mom to which I'm not privy the details before she died and I think he just carried on the drama with me, but honestly, I don't know.
The family I want to keep in touch with are my uncle's children who are now grown with their children. One of the cousins came to stay with my family for a while when I was growing up, and even though we've lost touch, we still have a kind of bond between us. But, I'm really terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing by accident and losing the last part of that side of my family.
I figure that when I go down to visit them, if they get to know me in person a little better, they may understand me a little bit more and then I'll feel less scared to say or do the wrong thing over the phone or Skype. You would not believe how quickly this side of the family makes snap judgments that they will stick to forever and never open up and discuss it with you, so I really feel like I need to tread lightly in terms of communication until I meet them. I don't want anything I say to be misconstrued before I have a chance to see them in person and let them get to know me.
Thank you very much for the insight into your dilemma. Honestly, it makes the situation much clearer and I understand where you are coming from now.
If these people are this judgmental (my father's side is like this and my mother's brother also stopped talking to my sister and I) then you are better off keeping your distance. I hope you don't get hurt in this situation.
I'm going to visit a city near them (a couple of hours away from them) because i'm thinking about moving there (regardless of whatever happens between them and myself) and I'm driving out to see them for a few hours. I would visit for longer, but I haven't been invited to yet, and I'm certainly not going to invite myself lol.
I'm going to visit a city near them (a couple of hours away from them) because i'm thinking about moving there (regardless of whatever happens between them and myself) and I'm driving out to see them for a few hours. I would visit for longer, but I haven't been invited to yet, and I'm certainly not going to invite myself lol.
If they are anything like my dad's family, I don't blame you! LOL
If these people are this judgmental (my father's side is like this and my mother's brother also stopped talking to my sister and I) then you are better off keeping your distance. I hope you don't get hurt in this situation.
Thanks I'm sorry for your situation, but I don't feel as bad knowing I'm not the only person this has happened to. It sucks, doesn't it? I really don't understand people sometimes. I've wanted to know for a long time what I did to my uncle, but I think at this point I've given up trying to figure it out.
Thanks I'm sorry for your situation, but I don't feel as bad knowing I'm not the only person this has happened to. It sucks, doesn't it? I really don't understand people sometimes. I've wanted to know for a long time what I did to my uncle, but I think at this point I've given up trying to figure it out.
I haven't seen my uncle (mom's brother) since my first grader was a baby. He has never met my husband or younger son. I have no idea what I did wrong either. Family!
But then they want to talk on the phone and to me phone and Skype are the same thing. I just don't want to offend them. Some members recently had little ones and want to show them to me and me to them.
I just feel really awkward because I haven't ever been close with this side of the family nor have I seen any of them for 10 years. They feel like strangers.
If you aren't that close to them and never have been, they can't be that anxious to show you their little ones.
I don't know, maybe you could communicate with them by taking lots of pictures...
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