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Old 01-13-2011, 03:34 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,032 posts, read 24,591,266 times
Reputation: 20165

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Quote:
Originally Posted by wilson1010 View Post
Hehe.

Its hard to argue that a person with who is drugged or drunk might be late.

But I disagree with his supposition about depression. Truly depressed people I know don't arrive at all and everyone knows why. As for ADD, this is Ablow, right? He says everything is ADD.

And, since he missed the number one cause, passive aggressive behavior, I have to say his article falls short. But thanks for posting it.

I have been "truly" depressed for over 12 years now and I do arrive and on time. It takes me a huge effort to get out of bed, ready and get on with my life but I do. It is a matter of principle to me.

I suffer from pretty severe Chronic Depression and often even feel suicidal. I have the darkest days you can possibly imagine when all I want is hide under the duvet and completely ignore the world. Days where the idea of being alive one more day is almost unbeareable. Weeks at a time of this dark long tunnel of despair and gloom simply takes over my life. I have not had a not depressed day for over decade now. It is as though a very dark and thick blanket of irreprissible thoughts has descended upon me and will never lift again.

I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.


Yet I will still force myself to get up, get dressed and get on with my day. This does not mean I am not really depressed but that I have learnt to deal with it in my own personal way. I refuse to let my deepest darkest depression to impact on other people.

I realise not everyone reacts the same and some people who are depressed are unable to do this and I fully respect this, but please do not assume that because I still manage to function socially that I am not "truly" depressed. I find that quite offensive to be honest.

For example today I feel absolutely awful. All I want to do is cry and I am having on of my really bad weeks where the black clouds have descended upon me big time. Yet I did get up, I have started to get on with my chores and I shall to the best of my ability and at my own pace get on with my day. I will today probably have some awful panic attack at some point but I cannot bear the idea of letting this dark passenger of mine controlling every aspect of my life. And I cannot bear it affecting other people.

It makes me really angry to think this bloody condition should be detrimental to other human beings.

I have lost far too much control in my life as it is , I shall fight to the death to regain some control no matter how small.

We are all individuals and all react completely differently to things. I know some severely depressed people who are highly functioning , others who are almost paralysed by their depression. I am somewhere in the middle. Not because I am not "really" depressed but because for some reason my personality allows me to be that way.

I have had quite a few people saying this to me before because I am reasonably highly functioning and trust me it really does not help and shows no understanding of a mental condition which is incredibly complex. It belittles those of us who do not act as we are expected to. It diminishes the horrors and pain you go through as a sufferer.

There is no one "reality" for Depression sufferers. We all exist in our own personal and very unique dimension of the mind and cope as each of us can , some of us not coping at all. No right or wrong.

I suffer anxiety and panic attacks in crowded places for example and yet I will force myself to go to the cinema , theatre, museums and even take public transport . I know it will at some point trigger off an attack but I shall deal with that when it comes. And it will.

Same with the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. All of us have different coping mechanisms and we adjust to best utilise our strengths or diminish our weaknesses for example. Some people I know with CFS are in wheelchairs, some still have part time jobs.

But I would certainly not diminish those people who do better than me by assuming they are not truly depressed or not truly suffering from CFS. I just assume they started from a different point, a different personality and a different set of circumstances.
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:29 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,920,063 times
Reputation: 11862
I should start another thread on this, but one thing that annoys me more than people being late is people constantly cancelling at the last minute. This happens to me ALL the time. They're all up for having a great time, but at the least minute it's 'I'm sick, something came up, or worst of all, change of plans.' It seems that the excuse 'there's been a last minute change of plan' covers everything.

Anyway, back to the OT.

I have a twenty minute rule rule myself. If you say we're supposed to meet at the train station at 6:00, I'll wait until 6:20, maybe if it's important or a date I'll wait a bit longer, especially if I can occupy myself, but I get pretty pissed off if you're longer than that and you don't have a damn good excuse.

I say that partly because I'm often a little late...up to 10, 15 maybe 20 minutes, but only because I tend to underestimate the time I have and be too lax about it. I think schools/work are a little TOO anal about punctuality though. I understand half an hour is a bit much, but in school you used to have to get a 'late note' if you were more than 10 minutes later.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:31 AM
 
10,135 posts, read 27,418,523 times
Reputation: 8398
I eat out a lot, particularly at lunch. Nice restaurants. I'm very comfortable eating alone although I usually gravitate toward the bar even though I never drink alcohol.

I get to see a lot of people waiting for their tardy lunch date. I see it a lot. And, I pay attention to these people. I'll tell you, folks, that 10 minutes for a gal sitting by herself waiting for a girlfriend who is just a few minutes late is like an eternity. Probably 10 of the most uncomfortable minutes a person spends other than in a doctors office or the school principal's waiting area.

And when that 10 minutes turns to 20, I hope the wheels are turning for that victim to say: "that's the last time I'll meet this bi**h for lunch."
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:44 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,142 posts, read 13,095,522 times
Reputation: 2515
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilson1010 View Post
And when that 10 minutes turns to 20, I hope the wheels are turning for that victim to say: "that's the last time I'll meet this bi**h for lunch."
Exactly!
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:42 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
I have been "truly" depressed for over 12 years now and I do arrive and on time. It takes me a huge effort to get out of bed, ready and get on with my life but I do. It is a matter of principle to me.

I suffer from pretty severe Chronic Depression and often even feel suicidal. I have the darkest days you can possibly imagine when all I want is hide under the duvet and completely ignore the world. Days where the idea of being alive one more day is almost unbeareable. Weeks at a time of this dark long tunnel of despair and gloom simply takes over my life. I have not had a not depressed day for over decade now. It is as though a very dark and thick blanket of irreprissible thoughts has descended upon me and will never lift again.

I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.


Yet I will still force myself to get up, get dressed and get on with my day. This does not mean I am not really depressed but that I have learnt to deal with it in my own personal way. I refuse to let my deepest darkest depression to impact on other people.

I realise not everyone reacts the same and some people who are depressed are unable to do this and I fully respect this, but please do not assume that because I still manage to function socially that I am not "truly" depressed. I find that quite offensive to be honest.

For example today I feel absolutely awful. All I want to do is cry and I am having on of my really bad weeks where the black clouds have descended upon me big time. Yet I did get up, I have started to get on with my chores and I shall to the best of my ability and at my own pace get on with my day. I will today probably have some awful panic attack at some point but I cannot bear the idea of letting this dark passenger of mine controlling every aspect of my life. And I cannot bear it affecting other people.

It makes me really angry to think this bloody condition should be detrimental to other human beings.

I have lost far too much control in my life as it is , I shall fight to the death to regain some control no matter how small.

We are all individuals and all react completely differently to things. I know some severely depressed people who are highly functioning , others who are almost paralysed by their depression. I am somewhere in the middle. Not because I am not "really" depressed but because for some reason my personality allows me to be that way.

I have had quite a few people saying this to me before because I am reasonably highly functioning and trust me it really does not help and shows no understanding of a mental condition which is incredibly complex. It belittles those of us who do not act as we are expected to. It diminishes the horrors and pain you go through as a sufferer.

There is no one "reality" for Depression sufferers. We all exist in our own personal and very unique dimension of the mind and cope as each of us can , some of us not coping at all. No right or wrong.

I suffer anxiety and panic attacks in crowded places for example and yet I will force myself to go to the cinema , theatre, museums and even take public transport . I know it will at some point trigger off an attack but I shall deal with that when it comes. And it will.

Same with the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. All of us have different coping mechanisms and we adjust to best utilise our strengths or diminish our weaknesses for example. Some people I know with CFS are in wheelchairs, some still have part time jobs.

But I would certainly not diminish those people who do better than me by assuming they are not truly depressed or not truly suffering from CFS. I just assume they started from a different point, a different personality and a different set of circumstances.
Another excellent post, Moose! What others don't see in more high-functioning people with chronic conditions is the price we have to pay! No one can accurately judge how disabled someone is based on their level of functioning because we all have different personalities, backgrounds, coping mechanisms, and circumstances. Only the disabled person know what's going on inside their head!
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:44 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I should start another thread on this, but one thing that annoys me more than people being late is people constantly cancelling at the last minute. This happens to me ALL the time. They're all up for having a great time, but at the least minute it's 'I'm sick, something came up, or worst of all, change of plans.' It seems that the excuse 'there's been a last minute change of plan' covers everything.

Anyway, back to the OT.

I have a twenty minute rule rule myself. If you say we're supposed to meet at the train station at 6:00, I'll wait until 6:20, maybe if it's important or a date I'll wait a bit longer, especially if I can occupy myself, but I get pretty pissed off if you're longer than that and you don't have a damn good excuse.

I say that partly because I'm often a little late...up to 10, 15 maybe 20 minutes, but only because I tend to underestimate the time I have and be too lax about it. I think schools/work are a little TOO anal about punctuality though. I understand half an hour is a bit much, but in school you used to have to get a 'late note' if you were more than 10 minutes later.
I agree. I let 10 or 15 minutes slide, but when people make me wait half an hour or longer, they better have a good excuse. I agree that work and school tend to be a bit too anal about it. I can see why though--it's probably a result of all the people who tried to let 15 minutes turn into half an hour or longer. With work though, it's easy. If you get paid for the hours you work, then it's only fair. Late? You either lose money or you stay later to make up for it. Schools go way overboard. I used to have some teachers that would assign detentions for being a minute late. And then they would use the "in the real world" excuse--well, in the real world, no one notices a minute, except the military!
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,700 posts, read 34,246,140 times
Reputation: 76911
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I should start another thread on this, but one thing that annoys me more than people being late is people constantly cancelling at the last minute. This happens to me ALL the time. They're all up for having a great time, but at the least minute it's 'I'm sick, something came up, or worst of all, change of plans.' It seems that the excuse 'there's been a last minute change of plan' covers everything.
I've noticed this, too. A friend of mine had a combination housewarming/holiday party last month, and she said initially 25 or so people had said they were coming. The day of the party no less than 15 people called to say they were sick or something came up. Maybe a few people were sick, but I assume that the rest just felt "meh" on the day and bailed. I'm a stickler for honoring my commitments, even if I don't feel like it on the day of the event. I felt really bad for her--she'd bought food and beer and such for twice as many people as showed up.
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,940 posts, read 21,597,571 times
Reputation: 8681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I say that partly because I'm often a little late...up to 10, 15 maybe 20 minutes, but only because I tend to underestimate the time I have and be too lax about it. I think schools/work are a little TOO anal about punctuality though. I understand half an hour is a bit much, but in school you used to have to get a 'late note' if you were more than 10 minutes later.
Perhaps one of the reasons that so many people are blithely late to their appointments is because schools for the most part stopped doing this (at least to the best of my knowledge - anyone have any different experiences?).

There are several occupations I can think of offhand where being punctual is of the essence. Take the military - it wouldn't quite do to be late for relieving a fellow guard on duty, for example. Police and firemen. A doctor performing a heart transplant. Hell, even a Wall Street trader that shows up 20 minutes after the opening bell stands to lose a small fortune because of their tardiness. Professional team athletes. Lifeguards.

In some these situations, you aren't just disrespecting the other person(s) - you're endangering their lives.

So yes, sometimes being too anal is a good thing...
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:02 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Perhaps one of the reasons that so many people are blithely late to their appointments is because schools for the most part stopped doing this (at least to the best of my knowledge - anyone have any different experiences?).

There are several occupations I can think of offhand where being punctual is of the essence. Take the military - it wouldn't quite do to be late for relieving a fellow guard on duty, for example. Police and firemen. A doctor performing a heart transplant. Hell, even a Wall Street trader that shows up 20 minutes after the opening bell stands to lose a small fortune because of their tardiness. Professional team athletes. Lifeguards.

In some these situations, you aren't just disrespecting the other person(s) - you're endangering their lives.

So yes, sometimes being too anal is a good thing...
I can see your point too. Being anal in school is probably a good thing because it's easier to loosen up from being anal than to up the standards from lax to anal as an adult. The thing is I don't think most students in school get why people are anal about tardiness, because in most students' lives, that level of punctuality has no relevance for them. In the context of showing up for class, one minute doesn't make a difference. Often students end up just being bitter and then abusing their ability to show up late once they get out of school because they're finally "free".

Obviously in the professions you mentioned, there is a large incentive for showing up on time. I think if students in school were presented with such powerful incentives, they'd regularly show up on time too!
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:06 AM
 
2,682 posts, read 4,473,674 times
Reputation: 1343
This is the best thread ever. I don't really mind friends/family being late...the reason being is that I got used to it. My step-dad is never on time, and therefore neither is my mother. I expect that now. Most of my friends are on-time, with few exceptions...but I don't hold them to it anymore. I'm from Russia, 8pm is 8pm, not 8:01pm, 8pm!! I think it's a habit in America not to be exactly on time.

However, my gf is constantly late and sees nothing wrong with it. This ticks me off to no end. I tried explaining to her that when she is late she is telling me that her time is more important. She doesn't see it this way. She'll tell me 15 things she has to do before picking me up and I tell her "there is no way you're gonna be here by 5 if you're gonna do all these things." She doesn't get it and calls me at 5 to tell me that I was right and that she'll be late
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