Mom at it again (talks, house, issues, mother)

[rlrl]

Hi. I'm 48 and live on my own and have been on my own for about 20 years. The reason is why I'm posting is primarily just to vent about this situation.

My mom has breast cancer in remission and has treated her condition with controversial laetrile and other alternative methods. She had a partial in 1993 and remains in very good condition. The problem is that when it comes to my medical issues which i get treatment for thru traditional medicine/managed care plans, she often can get insistent that i not listen to my doctors, due to her own fears, and instead follow her own alternative treatments which is totally ridiculous.

I have fatty liver disease with elevated liver enzymes. I had a liver ultrasound which showed mild scarring of the liver tissue. my doctor wants me to have a liver biopsy soon(because a biopsy will show any advanced scarring) even tho he doesn't think it's anything more than harmless fatty liver disease and he believes the results will not show any advanced scarring. but he still wants me to have it because he believes anyone my age with elevated enzymes should have a biopsy

i have been on metformin(I am pre Diabetic) which has improved the numbers greatly but i am told it may not have any effect on the histology(what is actually in the liver).

I am here in NY and mom is in Atlanta Ga. she does not want me to have this procedure. she has resorted to "don't let these doctors exploit your fears, patients like you have to learn to stand up to these doctors or they will walk all over their patients, all they care about is lining their own pockets". my doctor gets $40 from me for an office visit and the hospital, not him, gets paid both from me and the manager care program i am enrolled in for the procedure

meanwhile this doctor has been really cool and has been honest and forthcoming with me

when my dad was on his last legs a few years ago she drove his poor doctor crazy with all her demands for alternative treatments and referrals. no matter what he suggested or did, he was always wrong

mom gets inhibiting and undermining whenever she doesn't want me to do what i want to do (or wants me to do what i don't want to do). she wants me to accomplish the un-accomplishable-to convince the doctor to tell me i don't need the biopsy and suggest alternative treatment methods like Chinese herbs

I think mom just doesn't want the anxiety of worrying about me since she's in Atlanta and I'm in NY so she doesn't want me to have the procedure. meanwhile I am no stranger to procedures. I have had spinal taps and colonoscopies and other procedures.

yes there is a risk of internal bleeding but it is very slight

she tells me the doctor will make me sign a consent form.hey ma, it's like that ANYTIME a procedure is done!

i don't understand how parents can want their offspring to get out of the house, get a job that has benefits, then when you use the benefits like a medical plan, it's like "don't do it, your plan isn't worth anything"!

i may not have the biopsy done this month, but i certainly am curious to know what's there in the liver

what would you do in my situation? just do it and forget about telling mom?

[rlrl]

I am not a drinker at all so it is not caused by alcohol!!!

[rlrl]

elevated liver enzymes. she wants me to tell the doctor that because of that it's genetic and therefore i don't need the biopsy, she tells me to demand additional information from the doctor to convince me that i really need the procedure. how could i be convinced, i never went to medical school to know the difference. I can only go by what he tells me and what i see online

mom often talks a great line that sounds superficially good, but if you closely examine what she is saying, often it doesn't actually make sense. often she will tell you things for which she hasn't even researched thoroughly or are half truths or are just plain wrong

[rlrl]

did I post in the right forum?

[DewDropInn]

Get the biopsy. Liver problems are nothing to mess around with. You have a doctor who is doing exactly what an good doctor would do. Ultrasound then the biopsy. Don't tell your mother. Do not let her stop you from getting the medical care you need.

[rlrl]

it showed the mild scarring but only the biopsy can show advanced scarring

i also had a liver tumor marker test which was favorable

doc says it's not an emergency but he wants me to have it and i agree, much to mom's displeasure

[bellalunatic]

I'm afraid your mother is just exhibiting some bizarre way of caring.
Despite her anxieties, neuroses, etc. listen to the medical professional that you have. You can always get a second opinion, although it sounds like you and this particular doctor have a good relationship and already have this buttoned up.
I am sorry to hear that your mother is so unsupportive (er, well, supportive in her own negative way, that is).
Good luck to you.

[rlrl]

and if i end up hospitalized due to complications ill be like 'sorry ma i just couldn't tell ya...!"

[misplaced1]

You can tell her. "Mom, I know you don't agree but I want to be straight with you and tell you I made the decision for myself because I want to hear the answers and I will be going in to have the procedure done. I hope I can count on you for support."

End of story... You don't have to have her approval and she can't make you do or not do anything. Be clear about it and just don't argue. If she begins to argue you tell her. "I am having the procedure so we will just have to agree to disagree on this one mom."

Good luck to you! I hope everything works out well.

[formercalifornian]

I am a strong believer in collaborative care, meaning that you both listen to your doctor and do your own research. If you both agree on a course of action, then by all means pursue it.

As for your mother, I think you need to decide how much she really needs to know and tell her no more than that. Discretion is your friend in this situation.