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I have a friend like that. 38, professional and so pretty but, low self esteem
She supports her cheating boyfriend. He treats her as the maid. She works 60 hours a week to pay for all the bills, and he does not pay for anything (because is "her house" but he stays there all the time)
She cooks for him, cleans for him. He can go away the weekend and not calling and she does not bother to ask where.
I do not get it.... It can only be low self esteem. Because she is not stupid or anything.
BTW she wants to get married "Someday" but he still married to wife #2. I will never get why such a beautiful girl who could have something better sticks to that loser.
Who tells him in front of people "you know I do not love you" i was like WHAT???
anyway, nothing I can do about it.
Let's hope she wakes up one day & he arrives "home" from a trip to find his stuff on the porch. He's a user. Users are experts at manipulating others & making it seem like their own fault. Which it is, for letting it happen, but he makes them think he's somehow doing them a favor & they need him so badly. She needs him like a tire needs a nail.
Let's hope she wakes up one day & he arrives "home" from a trip to find his stuff on the porch. He's a user. Users are experts at manipulating others & making it seem like their own fault. Which it is, for letting it happen, but he makes them think he's somehow doing them a favor & they need him so badly. She needs him like a tire needs a nail.
HE actually says "She knows if she does not cook I will leave" It drives me crazy.
He was not happy before or after the crash. He just projected an illusion of success because he had a few bucks. But he only had it halfway down. (financial only, emotional success was not his).
I always tell people like that to just think about what they can change to make themselves happier. If they start that emotional vampire thing I point it out and state my limit to what I can take.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Sounds like you guys are making some pretty big leaps if you ask me. So, based on a fairly small amount of data, the guy was a loser from the get go???
IDK, seems a little off to me. JMHO, of course.
I did not call him a loser. But he picked a lifestyle that did not make him happy. Otherwise he would not of been making those choices to destroy it.
I agree! It always surprises me how so many posters on C-D can read a little bit of information and come up with all the answers, but only because they have such an active imagination. We have several ladies on this forum that are smart and always seem to write good, intelligent posts, then we have a few other ladies that just amaze me with their thoughts. Sometimes their writing makes you wonder about their past experiences with men. And before one of you is quick to jump on this and say "men do this too", I agree, they do it isn't just a female thing.
Most of us have dealt with some problem people ourselves & see the symptoms. Simply telling about the variations of troubles & hard lessons learned from trying to help them. Some of us have done some dumb things ourselves, learned better & hope not to repeat them.
Sometimes we feel if a person isn't a certain way or has a certain lifestyle they are really bad off.
However, I have seen people with very little means live very happy lives.
Just in how you view your priorities I guess.
The situations described here are somewhat different than a person living with few material things or little money. Some people at the "lower end" of the scale are relatively stable & satisfied, to some degree. The situations described in this thread are about people who have wrecked their families, friendships, careers, etc. & hit rock bottom from foolish actions. Quite a different story.
Yep I sure do! She was my husband's incredibly successful insurance mentor many years ago. She was gorgeous, had major bucks, traveled the world, drove in beautiful cars, and had a magnificent home on the water. THEN she was introduced to cocaine by a guy she was dating. FAST FORWARD to now: She lost EVERYTHING and lives in crack houses...Drugs were the death of her!!! VERY tragic tale of what drugs can do so someone.
I have a couple of self-destructive friends. They go through ups and downs, they pick themselves up just to do something stupid again to bring themselves down.
It's such a joy though to witness someone correcting their mistakes and rebuilding their lives from scratch, seeing them happy again contributes to my optimism. It doesn't happen very often unfortunately.
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JMHO, of course.
