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Why do you feel guilt? Did you make the poor choices that have put your brother into the situation he now finds himself in? I am willing to be you did not.
I will agree with the majority on this one. Sending money will be buying him more drugs. I suspect drugs would be the reason he has both an arrest record and no job. Is it also the reason you have not had communication in 5 years?
dont offer him money, hes gonna spend it on drugs. I suggest staging an intervention with his friends and family and offering him a trip to a rehab facillity thats it. Dont give him money, it will just enable his drug habit.
I just found out yesterday that my only sibling will be homeless in a week. My parents have refused to let him move in with them. He lives 500 miles away from me, has a drug problem, no job and an arrest record. I have not seen or spoken to him in about 5 years.
I truely do not know what to do, if anything. I love him, but can't have him around my children because of his problems. I can't afford to send him the $400 plus a month he needs to live. He would probably just spend it on drugs anyway.
Have any of you ever been in this situation? I am heartbroken and scared for him. I am also racked with guilt although I don't know what I can do to help him.
My oldest brother was on drugs. He wasn't as bad as your brother. We stopped giving him money. We stopped everything with him. He could visit, but he had to leave.
He was always my fav brother. Once I called him a loser and he was good for nothing. I would like to think it helped to send his raggedy azz to rehab.
Don't give him any money. If he's not ready you can't force him into rehab. Send him a ticket.
A few years ago I gave my younger brother a job on a job I was running. The plan was he was to move his motor home down for the job after we were a few weeks in. Excuse after excuse the motor home never came down here, my brother slept on my couch. He was here for a year. Nearly destroyed my marriage. He kept telling my wife to leave me, never to have my children. Sabotaging my position at my jobsite.
The weekend he left he was arrested on driving under the influence of drugs, possession with intent to sell.
He always claimed to have been sending his wife money for their children, none was sent.
I have not heard a word from him since Sept 2008, don't really care. I tried to give him a hand up. I did lose my job because of him.
Like a few posters have mentioned, maybe the best thing you can do is not help him at all. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they can pick themselves back up again. From the sound of your initial post, it seems like he's there right now.
I don't think your brother is a loser but I think unfortunately, he needs to see if he can get into a State run drug rehab center. I used to work in a methadone clinic and he can find out and see about that. They will help him with his drug problem. As far as him being homeless, he needs to find shelters that he can stay at while he's in rehab.
If you can contact him, I'd give him the phone #s of the shelters, drug rehab services in his area. Let him know that once he's clean, you'd like to see him.
I just found out yesterday that my only sibling will be homeless in a week. My parents have refused to let him move in with them. He lives 500 miles away from me, has a drug problem, no job and an arrest record. I have not seen or spoken to him in about 5 years.
I truely do not know what to do, if anything. I love him, but can't have him around my children because of his problems. I can't afford to send him the $400 plus a month he needs to live. He would probably just spend it on drugs anyway.
Have any of you ever been in this situation? I am heartbroken and scared for him. I am also racked with guilt although I don't know what I can do to help him.
Unfortunately, there isn't much that you can do until your brother decides for himself that this isn't the life he wants. Offering to fix his problems for him (in any way) will only serve to enable him and allow him to keep using. He had shelter before. He had work opportunities, education opportunities... he chose drugs instead. Yes, it is an addiction, a disease. But at this point, nothing has changed. He still wants the drugs more than he wants shelter, work, opportunities. Anything that you offer will only go to feed his drug habit. Even if you allowed him to stay with you, that would enable him not to have to work for his own shelter. At some point, his only chance is to finally hit rock bottom and decide he doesn't want to live this way any more. If all the family "help" prevents that from happening, it may prolong him realizing he doesn't want to live this way.
No, you must not bring this man around your children. Right now he isn't your brother. Do not send him money. I agree with the other poster who suggested offering a bus ticket to a rehab facility, nothing more. But only do this if you are strong enough to listen while he tries to manipulate you into changing your mind. Are you strong enough to stick to what he needs even if he's upset and begging you?
I agree with everything you have all said. He needs help but will not even admit that he uses drugs. We know that is a lie. He lives 500 miles from me and has not had a phone in years.There is no way for me to even try to contact him.
He was on Facebook awhile back, I think he was going to the library to use the computers there. I posted on his wall a few times and then he started putting inappropriate pictures up of old friends, underage drinking etc. I had two high school kids at the time. He also sent them some questionable postings. We all took him off our pages. I added him back about 6 months ago but haven't seen any postings as of late. I know, from my mother, that he needs surgery and is trying to get the welfare system to pay for it. He shows up at my parent's house about 2 times a year, usually Christmas and his birthday, looking for money. As far as I know they aren't giving him any money.
Staying with me is not an option. Giving him money is not an option. I have to just let it go. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else had ever been through this. The sorrow I feel for him is huge. I know it's not my fault. He had many opportunities in his life and has made bad choices for 20 years now.
It is just so sad.
My uncle was a drug addict. He was my mother's brother, and he died from a heart attack caused by smoking crack coccaine when I was a child. Everybody in his family tried to help him repeatedly. He started using drugs at a very young age, and he was never completely clean. My mother's family was well-known where they grew up, and people tended to overlook what he did. Now my mother says she wished he had gone to court, so that he would have been forced to go to rehab. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom. Only the person with the problem can change, and you cannot help him by giving him money.
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