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The thing is that most of us have friends that might need a hand every once in a while; and that's one thing. Being a leech and sucking out everything you can out of a person is something completely different.
Most of my friends know I'm there for them if they need anything (short of money since I'm somewhat of a poor student). then there are those who see it and think they'll have a chance of abusing it, these are people I take a distance from.
A friend in need is still a friend, but a "friend-when-in-need" is something else.
I think the OP would find that if this "friend" would win the lottery or the tables were turned in some other way, then the OP would not find the favors to be returned...
The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return?
I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?
Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!
WOW!!!
You have been there for her all the time and she was never there for you
Wake up....just cut her out of your life....dont talk to her and dont answer her calls....if she comes to your door, slam the door on her face.
Some advice on saying no to someone with a personality disorder like the OP's friend.
Do not give a reason. Just say no, or no thanks, that you have made a firm decision on the matter. Once you start justifying with reasons, it gives the toxic person an opening to start challenging those reasons. Then you are stuck in a loop of reason --> challenge --> response to the challenge --> challenge to the response...etc. It will wear you down and you are likely to eventually capitulate to stop the confrontation.
Keep it simple, say no, and say it as many times as you have to. But that is all you need to say.
Oh my, I have dealt with an energy drainer before. *shudders* At one time I felt like 'Capt Save a Friend'. What compounded that feeling was me thinking I was the only one who'd help them. It hurt to cut them off because it felt like I was abandoning them in a time of need. But I learned a couple of things. People like my friend and your friend are ALWAYS in a time of need. They are ALWAYS surrounded by drama. I don't do drama - never have. Also, no matter what amount of support they receive, its NEVER enough. They are takers. And they CONTINUE to make bad and selfish decisions no matter how many 2nd and 3rd chances they have received.
You've just described my friendship with her to the T!
Thank you so much guys for all of your advices.I'm not the type to put up with people's cr*p but I think that "friendship" has dreaded for too long because of me feeling guilty a little. She had a hell of her childhood ( as she told me) and I see where the neediness, constant attention grabbing, insecurity come from and I don't want to be the one who let her down...
As you all put it she has been nothing but toxic to me and I don't have anymore energy left to deal her anymore! Guess it's time for us to part ways! Thank you guys for the advices, I feel better about my decision now
Yes Ive met a couple at least.The worst one would call me almost everyday sometimes more than once.Wanted to know every little thing that I had going on.And yes I felt drained and sorry for her as well.She was so overbearing,I just had never met anyone quite like her.
Well Im not saying anything more because I feel bad for people like this.
They actually run friends away.
No is a complete sentence, she can't walk on you unless you are laying on the ground, stand up and end this toxic relationship...she will survive and so will you.
I had a "friend" like this at one point. You really, really need to set boundaries. And no overnight visits with someone like this, because she will not leave voluntarily. Ever.
Yes in the past and I let them go. Don't do frenemies. Not worth the stress!
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wow!!!
