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Old 03-02-2011, 10:07 PM
 
56 posts, read 125,153 times
Reputation: 67

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The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return? First of all, I don't even recall how we became "friends" but that friendship has been nothing but one-sided.
She's always in debts/ always dating the wrong guys/ always surrounding herself with alcoholics/ always partying/ always sick and I'm the one who's carrying that big load of baggage as she needs me to be available for her 24/7 !

I gave her advices on how to start saving money so that she doesn't loose her home: Nop she didn't listen! I gave her a little bit of money for help : Just to find out she bought a coach bag with it! ( Heck I don't even have a coach bag). I've onced agreed to have a girls' night out with her just to find out she didn't let me go home till 5:00 o' clock IN THE MORNING because she was keeping an eye all night on her crush . (Imagine how the hubby got a little bit suspicious because I've never gotten home that late)

She's constantly calling me and if I don't pick up : she throws a fit. She always want to hang out but when I can't : She throws a fit. She's always complaining she doesn't have any money (credit card debts/ house in foreclosure) but yet she's always shopping, always traveling, always partying!

Now, I've moved in another state for job opportunities and SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO! She wanted to come visit for a weekend and my dumby self offered her to stay at my place just to find out the one weekend trip became a 12 days trip! As she said " she thinks she's going to need more time to visit around" . Now I seriously regretted that decision. I know exactly what's going to happen: She's going to move and since I have an extra bedroom she's going to ask to stay "until she gets back on her feet" which will never happen! and I'm also going to be the one finding jobs for her. I can't take care of another grown woman and I'm married so I won't tolerate having another woman walking around...

I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?

Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!

Last edited by caraibenah; 03-02-2011 at 10:15 PM..
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:25 PM
 
3,409 posts, read 4,149,656 times
Reputation: 1428
Quote:
Originally Posted by caraibenah View Post
The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return? First of all, I don't even recall how we became "friends" but that friendship has been nothing but one-sided.
She's always in debts/ always dating the wrong guys/ always surrounding herself with alcoholics/ always partying/ always sick and I'm the one who's carrying that big load of baggage as she needs me to be available for her 24/7 !

I gave her advices on how to start saving money so that she doesn't loose her home: Nop she didn't listen! I gave her a little bit of money for help : Just to find out she bought a coach bag with it! ( Heck I don't even have a coach bag). I've onced agreed to have a girls' night out with her just to find out she didn't let me go home till 5:00 o' clock IN THE MORNING because she was keeping an eye all night on her crush . (Imagine how the hubby got a little bit suspicious because I've never gotten home that late)

She's constantly calling me and if I don't pick up : she throws a fit. She always want to hang out but when I can't : She throws a fit. She's always complaining she doesn't have any money (credit card debts/ house in foreclosure) but yet she's always shopping, always traveling, always partying!

Now, I've moved in another state for job opportunities and SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO! She wanted to come visit for a weekend and my dumby self offered her to stay at my place just to find out the one weekend trip became a 12 days trip! As she said " she thinks she's going to need more time to visit around" . Now I seriously regretted that decision. I know exactly what's going to happen: She's going to move and since I have an extra bedroom she's going to ask to stay "until she gets back on her feet" which will never happen! and I'm also going to be the one finding jobs for her. I can't take care of another grown woman and I'm married so I won't tolerate having another woman walking around...

I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?

Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!
My Sister did. I said USED to!
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Old 03-02-2011, 11:09 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 5,889,956 times
Reputation: 3448
Oh, hell kick that beoche to the curb seriously. I've had loser friends but I've put my foot down. Right after I gave her the money to get on her feet and she brought a coach bag would have been the end of the relationship or backing out of my wedding party, whichever came first.

Tell her to go kick rocks or pound sand but stand up for yourself. People like that bring you down and you never lift them up. If she wants to help herself, she's going to have to do it herself without your help.

Now get a backbone and tell her that your married and she can't stay there. Also tell her you don't want to be friends with her anymore because you've outgrown her. If you can't get a backbone, then tell her that your husband says that she can't stay when she comes to visit.
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Old 03-02-2011, 11:27 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,754,277 times
Reputation: 39994
Quote:
Originally Posted by caraibenah View Post
The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return? First of all, I don't even recall how we became "friends" but that friendship has been nothing but one-sided.
She's always in debts/ always dating the wrong guys/ always surrounding herself with alcoholics/ always partying/ always sick and I'm the one who's carrying that big load of baggage as she needs me to be available for her 24/7 !

I gave her advices on how to start saving money so that she doesn't loose her home: Nop she didn't listen! I gave her a little bit of money for help : Just to find out she bought a coach bag with it! ( Heck I don't even have a coach bag). I've onced agreed to have a girls' night out with her just to find out she didn't let me go home till 5:00 o' clock IN THE MORNING because she was keeping an eye all night on her crush . (Imagine how the hubby got a little bit suspicious because I've never gotten home that late)

She's constantly calling me and if I don't pick up : she throws a fit. She always want to hang out but when I can't : She throws a fit. She's always complaining she doesn't have any money (credit card debts/ house in foreclosure) but yet she's always shopping, always traveling, always partying!

Now, I've moved in another state for job opportunities and SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO! She wanted to come visit for a weekend and my dumby self offered her to stay at my place just to find out the one weekend trip became a 12 days trip! As she said " she thinks she's going to need more time to visit around" . Now I seriously regretted that decision. I know exactly what's going to happen: She's going to move and since I have an extra bedroom she's going to ask to stay "until she gets back on her feet" which will never happen! and I'm also going to be the one finding jobs for her. I can't take care of another grown woman and I'm married so I won't tolerate having another woman walking around...

I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?

Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!
Please find a dictionary immediately and relearn the definition of the word "friend".

The person you describe above DOES NOT fit that definition
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Old 03-03-2011, 12:45 AM
 
18,528 posts, read 16,243,346 times
Reputation: 42141
No, not really. I am pretty good at identifying toxic people before I let them get too close. Of course I also lack compassion, so...
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Old 03-03-2011, 02:02 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
2,058 posts, read 3,008,789 times
Reputation: 1574
Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1 View Post
Oh, hell kick that beoche to the curb seriously. I've had loser friends but I've put my foot down. Right after I gave her the money to get on her feet and she brought a coach bag would have been the end of the relationship or backing out of my wedding party, whichever came first.

Tell her to go kick rocks or pound sand but stand up for yourself. People like that bring you down and you never lift them up. If she wants to help herself, she's going to have to do it herself without your help.

Now get a backbone and tell her that your married and she can't stay there. Also tell her you don't want to be friends with her anymore because you've outgrown her. If you can't get a backbone, then tell her that your husband says that she can't stay when she comes to visit.

Great advice I completely agree.
Except for the part about blaming it on hubby, she needs to learn to stick up for herself to this "friend" not just act like she wants to hang out but hubby won't let her.

My mom has a "friend" kinda like this. She has been mostly successful in separating herself from this human trainwreck, but she's still buzzing around at times.. ugh
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Old 03-03-2011, 02:57 AM
 
3,060 posts, read 7,464,251 times
Reputation: 3273
Quote:
Originally Posted by caraibenah View Post
The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return? First of all, I don't even recall how we became "friends" but that friendship has been nothing but one-sided.
She's always in debts/ always dating the wrong guys/ always surrounding herself with alcoholics/ always partying/ always sick and I'm the one who's carrying that big load of baggage as she needs me to be available for her 24/7 !

I gave her advices on how to start saving money so that she doesn't loose her home: Nop she didn't listen! I gave her a little bit of money for help : Just to find out she bought a coach bag with it! ( Heck I don't even have a coach bag). I've onced agreed to have a girls' night out with her just to find out she didn't let me go home till 5:00 o' clock IN THE MORNING because she was keeping an eye all night on her crush . (Imagine how the hubby got a little bit suspicious because I've never gotten home that late)

She's constantly calling me and if I don't pick up : she throws a fit. She always want to hang out but when I can't : She throws a fit. She's always complaining she doesn't have any money (credit card debts/ house in foreclosure) but yet she's always shopping, always traveling, always partying!

Now, I've moved in another state for job opportunities and SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO! She wanted to come visit for a weekend and my dumby self offered her to stay at my place just to find out the one weekend trip became a 12 days trip! As she said " she thinks she's going to need more time to visit around" . Now I seriously regretted that decision. I know exactly what's going to happen: She's going to move and since I have an extra bedroom she's going to ask to stay "until she gets back on her feet" which will never happen! and I'm also going to be the one finding jobs for her. I can't take care of another grown woman and I'm married so I won't tolerate having another woman walking around...

I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?

Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!

"I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?"

Write her a nice letter and tell her that while it's been a real thrill over the years, the ride is over and you feel you've grown apart and you are no longer interested in pursuing a friendship with her. Then change your phone number, and your cell number.

She is a leech and a parasite and you don't have to worry about hurting her feelings. She likely has none. Anyone selfish enough to take a friend's hard-earned cash, loaned to help her survive, and buy a Coach bag has no scruples.

Run like &%$£ from this one and don't look back.
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Old 03-03-2011, 03:39 AM
 
610 posts, read 1,180,117 times
Reputation: 517
Quote:
Originally Posted by caraibenah View Post
The ones that suck the life out of you and give nothing in return? First of all, I don't even recall how we became "friends" but that friendship has been nothing but one-sided.
She's always in debts/ always dating the wrong guys/ always surrounding herself with alcoholics/ always partying/ always sick and I'm the one who's carrying that big load of baggage as she needs me to be available for her 24/7 !

I gave her advices on how to start saving money so that she doesn't loose her home: Nop she didn't listen! I gave her a little bit of money for help : Just to find out she bought a coach bag with it! ( Heck I don't even have a coach bag). I've onced agreed to have a girls' night out with her just to find out she didn't let me go home till 5:00 o' clock IN THE MORNING because she was keeping an eye all night on her crush . (Imagine how the hubby got a little bit suspicious because I've never gotten home that late)

She's constantly calling me and if I don't pick up : she throws a fit. She always want to hang out but when I can't : She throws a fit. She's always complaining she doesn't have any money (credit card debts/ house in foreclosure) but yet she's always shopping, always traveling, always partying!

Now, I've moved in another state for job opportunities and SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO! She wanted to come visit for a weekend and my dumby self offered her to stay at my place just to find out the one weekend trip became a 12 days trip! As she said " she thinks she's going to need more time to visit around" . Now I seriously regretted that decision. I know exactly what's going to happen: She's going to move and since I have an extra bedroom she's going to ask to stay "until she gets back on her feet" which will never happen! and I'm also going to be the one finding jobs for her. I can't take care of another grown woman and I'm married so I won't tolerate having another woman walking around...

I don't want her to come visit anymore. What should I do?

Also did I mention right after I got engaged she was hinting about wanting to be one of my bridesmaids. She backed out 3 MONTHS BEFORE the wedding stating that there's a lot happening in her life right now, she's very stressed!
I've heard of a word called "NO", haven't you?
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Old 03-03-2011, 04:24 AM
 
128 posts, read 179,470 times
Reputation: 185
Oh my, I have dealt with an energy drainer before. *shudders* At one time I felt like 'Capt Save a Friend'. What compounded that feeling was me thinking I was the only one who'd help them. It hurt to cut them off because it felt like I was abandoning them in a time of need. But I learned a couple of things. People like my friend and your friend are ALWAYS in a time of need. They are ALWAYS surrounded by drama. I don't do drama - never have. Also, no matter what amount of support they receive, its NEVER enough. They are takers. And they CONTINUE to make bad and selfish decisions no matter how many 2nd and 3rd chances they have received.

OP, what reason do you have to continue the friendship? You've helped, and she's taken your help for granted. It gets to a point where you can't blame her any longer because she is only doing to you what YOU ALLOW her to. You teach people how to treat you. Her definition of friendship is obviously different from yours. I think you already know what to do. Just say no. Sweet and simple. I had to cut all ties. No hanging out, talking on the phone - nothing. Did not want to be sucked back into that toxic web. *shudders just thinking about it*
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Old 03-03-2011, 04:33 AM
 
128 posts, read 179,470 times
Reputation: 185
Also, when you start saying no, there is no need to feel like you owe her an explanation. And I wouldn't say "my husband doesn't want...". This is between you and her. It's your responsibility to stop someone from treating you badly.
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