Family confusion (present, grandmother, neighborhood, feel)
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Honestly, I didn't find their posts to be particularly harsh at all. This is a sensitive topic, of course. I don't think anyone would blame the OP for not wanting to attend. She can gracefully decline.
That being said, she must understand that the wedding of two other people does not revolve around her, nor should it. The bride and the groom choose the date that works for them (no easy feat when you consider how many people may be involved in two extended families.) It's rather common that the date doesn't work for everyone, and the ones who it doesn't work for can simply decline to attend and send their best wishes instead.
I would never choose a wedding date on the anniversary of my nephews death,but that is just me!
I dont think that he purposely picked that day so dont blame him for it. I think you should sit out the wedding but should have a close friend/family member stay with you so youll have support and some company while ur husband is attending. I think theyll understand why you didnt attend.
I would never choose a wedding date on the anniversary of my nephews death,but that is just me!
To play the Devil's Advocate...
When you have to coordinate dozens of family members, plus friends, plus two work schedules, plus the availability of facilities in your town, you may not have as much choice as you think. If they know they want to/need to get married in June or July, there are 9 weekends to choose from. Summer weddings are popular and most of the time people want to have them on a Saturday to allow out of town guests time to travel there and back. If the bride and groom each have 20-30 people to consider (including aunts/uncles, grandparents, parents, siblings), that becomes 40-60 people with potential conflicts, dates that bring up bad memories, dates where the groom can't take off work because of a project deadline, dates where someone's niece might be close to having a baby, dates where the venues in town are all booked for other weddings, dates where the aunt's DIL on the other side of the family is having surgery and she needs to watch her kids... the list could go on forever.
This isn't even on that date, just close to it. I think everyone can sympathize with the OP and would never expect her to attend if she didn't feel up to it... but I really don't think the bride and groom have done anything wrong here.
I never worried about dates and such. I remember the events, good and bad, but dates are just a way of keeping track of stuff and really hold no meaning themselves. Of course, I forget birthdays and stuff too so maybe it's just the way my brain works.
I got married the same date as my husbands marriage to his first wife. Our first apartment was in the same complex where he had lived with her 8 years earlier. It's just the way it worked out, and I never had crazy thoughts about any of it.
When you have to coordinate dozens of family members, plus friends, plus two work schedules, plus the availability of facilities in your town, you may not have as much choice as you think. If they know they want to/need to get married in June or July, there are 9 weekends to choose from. Summer weddings are popular and most of the time people want to have them on a Saturday to allow out of town guests time to travel there and back. If the bride and groom each have 20-30 people to consider (including aunts/uncles, grandparents, parents, siblings), that becomes 40-60 people with potential conflicts, dates that bring up bad memories, dates where the groom can't take off work because of a project deadline, dates where someone's niece might be close to having a baby, dates where the venues in town are all booked for other weddings, dates where the aunt's DIL on the other side of the family is having surgery and she needs to watch her kids... the list could go on forever.
This isn't even on that date, just close to it. I think everyone can sympathize with the OP and would never expect her to attend if she didn't feel up to it... but I really don't think the bride and groom have done anything wrong here.
I agree completely.
I have children, and just the thought of losing either one of them makes me tear up. That being said, if they did pass away I don't think they'd like me moping around. I love my kids, my siblings, my whole family and if one of my loved ones chose to have a celebration near a date like that I would attend. It wouldn't mean I'm not sad about losing my child, it wouldn't mean that I'm celebrating it either.
OP ask yourself this, if your son was still alive would he want you to skip out on the wedding? He may not be with you anymore and I can't possibly fathom how absolutely painful that would be, BUT do you think he'd want you to stop living your life and treating the time around his death as a time where you could never be happy?
All of the above posts are points well taken but I still wouldn't plan my wedding on) or about )the death of my nephew that my out of town brother was going to attend!
All of the above posts are points well taken but I still wouldn't plan my wedding on) or about )the death of my nephew that my out of town brother was going to attend!
And if that was the only weekend in June/July where there wasn't a conflict or inconvenient day for someone? How long should these people put off getting married and starting their lives together? Perhaps they need to get married for insurance purposes. Perhaps there is a little one on the way and they want to get married ASAP. Perhaps the bride is older and they want to get a little one on the way without delay. Perhaps an aging grandparent may not be around much longer and they want to have them there while they still can be.
We can't know their situation and horrible as it can be when you're in the OP's situation, life does go on. While I think everyone can sympathize with her and understand if she doesn't want to attend, I don't think the bride and groom should feel the least bit bad about their decision. Additionally, the brother himself seems to be fine with attending (OP's husband.) Perhaps for him it would even be cathartic. Everyone deals with loss in their own way. For some people it really doesn't help make them feel any better to sit around and dwell over sad events. He may prefer to keep busy and celebrate a joyous family occasion rather than mourn a terrible past loss that cannot be changed. I kind of have to wonder if he might have even given the groom the green light on this one... hard to know.
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