Whats are the positives you can take from your mom asking you to kill yourself? (father, person)
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Serious question,completely off topic I know,but you guys on here seems really intelligent and I really need help...
harsh judgement,hostility,abuse and hate,my mother truly hated me(i happened to look like my father who was a violent hateful man,every time she looked at me she saw his face even though he left when i was born) ,she even gave me pills to kill myself and everything growing up and would regularly ask me why i haven't killed myself yet..anyways horrible childhood,including a man doing something bad to me as a little girl and she blamed it all on her 7 year old daughter calling her Stupid not the ADULT man who was a pedophile.she feels absolutely no remorse for any of it.
I always take the positive out of everything I experience,I want to take the positive lesson all that may have thought me,needless to say it hard too,help?!
Serious question,completely off topic I know,but you guys on here seems really intelligent and I really need help...
harsh judgement,hostility,abuse and hate,my mother truly hated me(i happened to look like my father who was a violent hateful man,every time she looked at me she saw his face even though he left when i was born) ,she even gave me pills to kill myself and everything growing up and would regularly ask me why i haven't killed myself yet..anyways horrible childhood,including a man doing something bad to me as a little girl and she blamed it all on her 7 year old daughter calling her Stupid not the ADULT man who was a pedophile.she feels absolutely no remorse for any of it.
I always take the positive out of everything I experience,I want to take the positive lesson all that may have thought me,needless to say it hard too,help?!
This one is truly a challenge but I'll start. warning and disclaimer: I may have to get spiritual here but I'm not saying I'm right.
1. We are all spiritual beings and we came from somewhere pleasant. At that time I believe that we had some element of choice as to the kind of life we were going to live and who our parents were going to be. For whatever reason--something that your soul needed--you chose this set of parents. (Note, I have a particular fascination with those who've had near-death experiences and this is a common theme with those who have been to the other side and back.)
2. You didn't kill yourself even though you were living in hell. Many would have--you didn't kill yourself! You chose life. Do you realize how much strength that took? Now when you're faced with a difficult task and get that little whiny voice inside that says it's too hard, you can remember that you've been thru much, much worse.
3. You have a very healthy desire to be healthy--to stay away from bitterness. Just the fact that you chose to post here and seek something that may make you feel better is healthy b/c it means you're swimming to the light. Also, the fact that you chose the name "truth&love says a lot about your character.
4. Your mother is obviously very sick and weak. She chose your father and she chose the pedophile. How much worse could someone choose? And then rather than look at her own choices, she instead chose to take it out on you. The thing is, you seem to be very clear on that, which is another point in your favor. Lots of people in the same situation would be wondering what is wrong with them that mommy doesn't love them. You know very well that it's not you.
5. Now here's the hard part--pay very close attention to what you feel pulling you in a certain direction--that will probably be your life mission and you've been entrusted with something important. No one can accomplish this but you. Perhaps you'll be working with kids with similar experiences. Perhaps you'll have children of your own (if you don't already) and thru your knowledge you'll send the sick trajectory of your family into a positive direction. Well it could be anything, but stay in the light and if you're so inclined, pray for guidance.
Without getting spiritual and all mumbo-jumbo on you;
If "go kill yourself" is a type of comment that either of you can drop on the other with sincerity, then there is no point to continue the relationship. So cut the connection with your mom if you haven't already.
And that comment seems to be nothing in comparison what ever else she's done to you and let happen to you.
Want a positive?
You're still alive, and you've gone through hardships like few others have. This makes you a survivor, somebody strong. Think of that whenever you're reminded of your past hell; you're harder and stronger than people around you because of it.
positive: you are a much better person than she
positive: you make better decisions than she
positive: you are strong and know your value
positive: you can wipe her out of your life (and I would)
Uhm, the woman obviously is mentally ill. Has she ever been in the hoptial or anything for anything she did or said like what you describe? Does she take medications of any kind or seen a psychiatrist for an evaluation? I wouldn't even try to decipher why she does what she does and says, she is not talking from herself, but from a place which essentially covers the brain like static electricity.
There is something wrong with her and if you want to invest yourself in the chaos and drama - as many people don't -then you need to see if you can get her an appointment to see her regular doctor. Go with her and talk to the doctor youself and tell him about this and he will help you to get her good medical care, or maybe even hospitalization. Go look for a prescription bottle of hers and see if the Dr.'s name and phone number are on it. If you can't or don't think you can get her to see the doctor then ask to speak to the Dr. on the phone and relay this information. She needs help.
Serious question,completely off topic I know,but you guys on here seems really intelligent and I really need help...
harsh judgement,hostility,abuse and hate,my mother truly hated me(i happened to look like my father who was a violent hateful man,every time she looked at me she saw his face even though he left when i was born) ,she even gave me pills to kill myself and everything growing up and would regularly ask me why i haven't killed myself yet..anyways horrible childhood,including a man doing something bad to me as a little girl and she blamed it all on her 7 year old daughter calling her Stupid not the ADULT man who was a pedophile.she feels absolutely no remorse for any of it.
I always take the positive out of everything I experience,I want to take the positive lesson all that may have thought me,needless to say it hard too,help?!
Just from what you wrote... I know without a doubt, you are beautiful inside... even after all the cruel things that has happened to you... it is a miracle in my opinion that you are who you are today... beautiful... I don't know why things happen to certain people, but I do know that you can drive yourself crazy thinking about it... you are nothing short of a beautiful miracle! Sometimes there are no lessons, sometimes you just got to be who you are inside... beautiful...
The positive lesson to take from this is you must decide to never let someone else control your happiness or to use them as an excuse for things going wrong with your life. It's all up to you. Bad things have happened to you. Bad things happen to everyone in some shape or form. Your choice should be to get out of that situation if you are still in contact with her and please don't use your past as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself. I also had a mean, mentally ill mother. I decided at age 18 to never let her illness and hate for me control my life. I would never let her win this conflict. In the long run I won by moving on and becoming an educated, successful, happy person. Never, never, never let her win. Don't use her for an excuse for your unhappiness or failings in life. Your happiness and your success is determined only by you.
I strongly recommend that you get a copy of the excellent book "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward. It's available at this link via internet.
I agree with everyone that has posted before me. I don't know your age but if you are of legal age and can support yourself or have friends that you can live with, get out of her house and her life forever. She is a toxic person and will never love, cherish or respect you as a person. There is nothing wrong with you and never has been, this is not your issue but your mother's. She is the one that is wrong, not you. You were a victim of hers.
Get into therapy so that you can go on with your life and live a good life. Find friends that can become a family unit for you and surround yourself with positive people.
If you are underage, go to your school counselor and tell them what you have told us. You need to get out of her house now. Is there other family members that you can live with?
Keep in touch with us so we can help you. Good luck!
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