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I was in a rennie wedding and the bride paid for everyone's dresses. She had a seamstress friend whose gift was to make all the dresses. We all had DIFFERENT color dresses and the result was gorgeous.
Asking someone to pay $400 for a one-time dress is absolutely ridiculous.
this is the only subforum i think this would fit in...
my friend is getting married in october...
and she wants me to be a bridesmaid...great right? WRONG
im, for all essential purposes currently unemployed and job junting...i work part time from home but make just enough to cover my current bills...and am saving up to move to a cheaper area...
and she wants me to buy my own bridesmaid outfit...
i made it very clear i am BROKE and didnt think i could afford it...but she insisted theres "plenty of time" and everyone else on the maids list aparently has no problem with the cost...
now, firstly...
this is a theme wedding, a rennaisance theme wedding, this is NO problem, i am a renny and have plenty of garb, but nothing in the color scheme she HAS to have (purple and navy) so in order to do this i need to order a custom made bodice, skits and chemise...
the whole get up is going to cost close to $400...
did i mention...im POOR!
ontop of that i had gastic bypass 6 months ago and am currently loosing about 2lbs a week...the idea behind a bodice is it fits snugly, custom made to your measurments...i have NO idea how much ill weigh, what size ill be or what my measurments will be in october...
because its all custom made it needs to be ordered very soon so itll be ready...i mean realy folks?! how the hell am i supposed to do that, im not psycic.
and to top it off, whatever i get to fit now, wouldnt fit then, and getting it to fit then, even if i did manage to guestimate right may only fit me for a few months.
and then...purple and navy...
for one, blue looks horrible on me, and i dont like purple...i also would NOT wear purple or navy to faire as both represent nobility...(yeah this part seems superficial...but the point being is ill NEVER wear it again...
and you simply cannot sell garb for the kind of money you pay for it, again..because its custom.
ive told her over and over i cannot afford it...
told her i love her but i cant afford the outfit...she keeps telling me "theres still time" and "its not THAT much money" (i only make about $500 a month right now!)
and "noone else is having an issue"...which she thinks because another of our frineds is on unemployment if she can afford it i shoudl be able to as well...but shes not paying rent and getting twice as much on unemployment as im making a month...
im on the border of telling her flat out...look its not happening...if you want me in your bridal party your going to have to pay for my outfit yourself...
but i dont know how to say it without sounding like a selfish POS, or flat out saying that i cant be her bridesmaid...
how would you handle this kind of situation?
no matter how i work it..even if i were to find a full time job, ive got other bills that are more important than an outfit ill wear for a day and then never wear again
i dont know what to do...anyone advice would be realy apreciated...
how do i say NO without hurting her reguarding her "big day".
If she continues to put that much pressure on you, even after you have told her repeatedly that you cannot afford it, she is not a good and understanding friend. The style of the outfit is beside the point. You cannot afford even a more traditional bridesmaid's gown at this point.
One time, decades ago, when I could not afford to purchase a bridesmaid's dress for a dear friend's wedding, I asked whether there was something else I could do (besides being a bridesmaid) to help make her day special. I am a good baker, and offered to bake a bazillion fancy cookies to supplement the cake at her formal reception. She loved the idea, and that's just what I did. The cookies looked beautiful on stands on the cake table, and the bride got a lot of compliments on the clever idea of having them.
Spending several hundred dollars to buy an outfit you will never wear again is just ridiculous, unless it is well within your budget. You should not feel at all guilty about declining your friend's request for you to be a bridesmaid. Simply be as kind as you are able, tell her once more that you cannot afford it, and stick to your guns.
thanks guys, that helps alot, you confirmed what i was thinking...
shes also expecting me to sing at her wedding AND buy her a gift...(i get paid to sing when i do it professionally)
i told her id happily sing at her wedding if shed like but that would be her gift...
she pointed out i sang at our other frineds wedding (sang the birde down the aisle and sang during the dinner) and it wasnt a problem and i pointed out that that was their wedding gift, thats what the bride and groom asked for from me as their wedding gift (and she didnt expect me to buy an expensive dress either) so thats what they got...they didnt get both lol.
I, too, have sung at friends' weddings as a gift to them. It was always very much appreciated. (When I used to sing at non-friends' weddings I often made $200+ on a Saturday afternoon, so it certainly wasn't a cheap gift when I sang for friends!)
Your friend sure is asking a lot of you, foxy.
Edit: Btw, singing at a wedding DOES involve some expense for the singer. There's the expense of time in meeting with the bride and groom to plan the music; purchasing sheet music if the singer doesn't already have it (two copies - one for the singer, one for the accompanit); rehearsal time with the accompanist; travel expense for meeting with the bride and groom and accompanist. A good singer doesn't just walk into the wedding ceremony and start singing without careful planning and rehearsal.
this is the only subforum i think this would fit in...
my friend is getting married in october...
and she wants me to be a bridesmaid...great right? WRONG
im, for all essential purposes currently unemployed and job junting...i work part time from home but make just enough to cover my current bills...and am saving up to move to a cheaper area...
and she wants me to buy my own bridesmaid outfit...
i made it very clear i am BROKE and didnt think i could afford it...but she insisted theres "plenty of time" and everyone else on the maids list aparently has no problem with the cost...
now, firstly...
this is a theme wedding, a rennaisance theme wedding, this is NO problem, i am a renny and have plenty of garb, but nothing in the color scheme she HAS to have (purple and navy) so in order to do this i need to order a custom made bodice, skits and chemise...
the whole get up is going to cost close to $400...
did i mention...im POOR!
ontop of that i had gastic bypass 6 months ago and am currently loosing about 2lbs a week...the idea behind a bodice is it fits snugly, custom made to your measurments...i have NO idea how much ill weigh, what size ill be or what my measurments will be in october...
because its all custom made it needs to be ordered very soon so itll be ready...i mean realy folks?! how the hell am i supposed to do that, im not psycic.
and to top it off, whatever i get to fit now, wouldnt fit then, and getting it to fit then, even if i did manage to guestimate right may only fit me for a few months.
and then...purple and navy...
for one, blue looks horrible on me, and i dont like purple...i also would NOT wear purple or navy to faire as both represent nobility...(yeah this part seems superficial...but the point being is ill NEVER wear it again...
and you simply cannot sell garb for the kind of money you pay for it, again..because its custom.
ive told her over and over i cannot afford it...
told her i love her but i cant afford the outfit...she keeps telling me "theres still time" and "its not THAT much money" (i only make about $500 a month right now!)
and "noone else is having an issue"...which she thinks because another of our frineds is on unemployment if she can afford it i shoudl be able to as well...but shes not paying rent and getting twice as much on unemployment as im making a month...
im on the border of telling her flat out...look its not happening...if you want me in your bridal party your going to have to pay for my outfit yourself...
but i dont know how to say it without sounding like a selfish POS, or flat out saying that i cant be her bridesmaid...
how would you handle this kind of situation?
no matter how i work it..even if i were to find a full time job, ive got other bills that are more important than an outfit ill wear for a day and then never wear again
i dont know what to do...anyone advice would be realy apreciated...
how do i say NO without hurting her reguarding her "big day".
Send her what you wrote here. Honestly, some girls get so caught up in their big day, they really can think of nothing else. You need to get this straight...now...while she has time to review and revise her plans.
I was a bride's made once... NEVER EVER AGAIN!!! I don't like the wedding drama and I don't like allot of chics in close quarters. I would much rather just show up and be able to enjoy the wedding as a guest.
"I will be at thy wedding in thy expensive garb for thou, for it is yourself, and no one else I live to serve"
"NAY!"
Jonathan
PS: congrats on your WLS, I had it in '03
Haha!
EDIT: Oops, I'd better offer some feedback. This is one of the reasons I dislike weddings and most ceremonies. A lot of the time, it just causes stress instead of happiness and celebration. No, if you have told her you can't afford it, she should listen to you. Hopefully she'll try to work something out with you. If not, you did what you could. Hope it turns out okay.
Last edited by SeaOfGrass; 04-17-2011 at 11:47 PM..
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