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Well, my mom didn't get medicated until she was about 55. The OP talks about being in school and her mom having approx 30 years left, so I figured it's a possibility.
my mom is in her 60's so its definitely a possibility. But I don't know if its other factors too you know?
true, but the funny thing is, every time I ask, she swears she's happy here and says that at this point, she wouldn't move back home. I feel like she'd be way happier there.
A time comes when it's too late. I know it from experience. Also, she has additional burden as no matter how miserable she may be here, she wants to be around her children. The latter is part of the big drama of immigration that didn't work out.
A time comes when it's too late. I know it from experience. Also, she has additional burden as no matter how miserable she may be here, she wants to be around her children. The latter is part of the big drama of immigration that didn't work out.
True. it might be too late now. I can understand her wanting to around us too, it just may wind up being no use to her if none of us want to be around her much.
True. it might be too late now. I can understand her wanting to around us too, it just may wind up being no use to her if none of us want to be around her much.
Oh, I wasn't aware she was in her 60's before I read your post above. In this case the timing is right - retirement back home!
That'll give you an excuse to go more often, too, and shop for cute guys!
about 10 years ago, my brother and i held a sort of intervention for my dad, who is almost exactly your mom's age. the theme was: "We love you, but you're an ass hole, and you can't treat us like you do."
It was stressful, but tremendously effective in getting him to recognize the reality of his behavior. I know you said you confronted her on some level, but I'm wondering if you planned the full-scale assault that this sort of thing might require.
So my with my mother getting older, I keep thinking about how I only have maybe another 30 years with her. I know I need to spend time with her and cherish her, but she makes it really impossible to.
On mothers day, my brother and I tried to take her out, but instead, she kept complaining to management at the restaurant about the "horrible" food and how we should have gone somewhere else. She picked the place too. On top of it, she complained about the people that were eating there. She was looking for everything to complain about. I tried so hard to be nice to her that day, but she just couldn't stop finding something in the world to b*tch about.
She even does it about me and my brothers. We're good people, who work hard, but she still finds things about us to complain about. Sure we make mistakes, but we're human.
Either way, her whining about everything is pushing us all away (one brother speaks to my mom on rare occasions now). its getting to the point that I have to take out student loans to move out (before I'm financially ready to) because its hard for me to focus on school and all my other obligations with her negativity and horrible attitude towards us. As a result, I don't converse with her much, I avoid spending time with her and I only do the bare minimum for her, as well as avoiding being home as much as I can.
Its making me feel really guilty, but I don't know how what else to do when I feel so miserable around her. Not only that, anything I say is grounds for her to insult me about something or complain or order me about something that I know how to handle anyways. She's an otherwise good hearted person and she's done a lot for us, but who in the world wants to be around someone that makes them so miserable? all I can think about is, when she's gone, this is gonna kill me. I've thought about writing her a letter before I move out, so she doesn't take me leaving as a personal thing against her, but that I just need to focus and that I'll still see her, just way less often.
What's up with Jewish moms
Pear Martini has had identical issues.
Are you looking at her like she is an American mom? You should accept her for what she really is. Not all moms in the world buy hallmark cards and call you "sweetie" every second.
On the other hand, you will not find one American mom who will even for one second go through a serious hardship which a non-American mom will withstand tenfold. Something to think about
...
matt-I've been trying for 10 years to have a relationship with that woman. Did you read the part where I said she's been pushing my brothers and I away? I know you're trying to help, but I think you think its as easy as snapping my fingers. Its not. sure I could just spend time with her, but she is not fun to be around. The tough part is, she's my mom and I love her.
Hey, I have a mother that is a pain in the rear to deal with and it took many adult years before I could. I simply learned to let go of expecting anything from her. Instead I keep in contact with her on my terms. I am pleasant to her because it pleases me to be so. However I could never have her live with me like I did my Father until he passed away. Even with the best of attitude on my part my mother is a expert at pushing my buttons.
But as long as I do not live in the same house I can muster the ability to get along. It is never easy to achieve tolerance if you are forced to undergo a environment where there is no escape. That is why I suggest you move away. On your own you can set how much time you devote to tolerating your mother. Oh BTW, how your brother interacts with your mother is simply none of your business. How he interacts with you is.
Are you looking at her like she is an American mom? You should accept her for what she really is. Not all moms in the world buy hallmark cards and call you "sweetie" every second.
On the other hand, you will not find one American mom who will even for one second go through a serious hardship which a non-American mom will withstand tenfold. Something to think about
I do not talk to AC in general, but for Mir's sake I'll have to say I agree.
Are you looking at her like she is an American mom? You should accept her for what she really is. Not all moms in the world buy hallmark cards and call you "sweetie" every second.
On the other hand, you will not find one American mom who will even for one second go through a serious hardship which a non-American mom will withstand tenfold. Something to think about
hahaha! I don't know man, Jewish mom's are different.
I really don't know how an American mom is supposed to be as I didn't grow up around them. the only thing I've noticed is a lot of my friends have great relationships with their parents. I see your point about the hardship. It blows my mind how some American parents treat their children, but that's another story! haha, I don't need my mom to be all sugar or anything, but the negativity she brings around is just too much. its so bad, I'm about to go into more debt than I planned on! She really does do a lot for us, and I can see myself going out of my way for my children one day, like she does, but I can't understand being impossible to be around the way she is.
le roi-my brother has already cut a lot of contact off with her. I guess I'll be next..not sure it will do anything though.
Matt-I know, I don't expect anything from her, but it doesn't change the fact that its sad. I was hoping I could just tolerate her until I was ready to move out, but its not working out that way so I'm moving out hopefully by the end of this month. Rents are dirt cheap now cause everyone leaves during the summers here so I can get some great deals in great areas. Already put a hold on a place. I don't plan to never see her again either. Just way less often. I'm purposely moving to a place that has locked gates around all the buildings. this way she can't knock on my door at who knows what hours of the night if she can't reach me by phone cause I don't feel like dealing with her nonsense, lol. As for my brother, I only know cause living at home, I see how often he stops by and my mother is hurt by it so she complains to me. I'm not much for prying into anyone's business as it makes me very uncomfortable to do that, so its not like that.
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