Should I wait to see if we can be more than friends? (girlfriend, boyfriend)
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about a year and a half ago, I met this guy in community college and we really hit it off. the first time we hung out we went to the movies, and we have been hanging out or talking on the phone practically everday since. About 4 months after i met him i told him I liked him and he told me he liked me too, but since we were transfering schools we decided not to take it anywhere. Even though we werent a couple we still pretty much acted like a couple even slept together. Ultimatly, we both ended up transfering to the same school. We moved in together but didnt officiall move forward in our relationship. One day he finally told me that he felt bad for sleeping with me because I was not his girlfriend and that he was not ready for a relationship. I was really upset but I pushed through it. about a month later he said that he had changed his mind and that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We were in a "relationship" for about two months, but during this whole time he never really acted like a boyfriend (he didnt hold my hand, kiss me randomly, etc.). Finally I confronted him about it and he told me that he really liked me but that he still wasnt ready for a relationship. Plus in the time that we have known eachother we have become really close. He said that I am his best friend and that he doesnt want to risk that in a relationship.
My question is : WHAT DO I DO?!!!
I dont understand how he can like me but not want to be with me. I asked "ok so were just gonna be friends and me and you isnt ever going to happen?" ...and he said no, he didnt want that he just isnt ready for a realtionship and we should see where things go. This was all about two months ago and it's killing me inside because I dont know what to do. He is my best friend and we talk everyday. It hurts me to have him so close but not be able to be with him.
I'm not saying he's the one. I know that we might risk our friendship. But I just feel that our connection is so special that it's worth it to give a relationship a try. Am i crazy? How long should I wait around to see if he will ever be ready for a relationship?
that's what i've been afraid of. But im still confused, I told him that if he didnt want me then we could stay just friends, forever. But he said that no, he didnt want that, he didnt want to rule out the possibility, he just wanted to see where it goes. hence my confusion about how long should I wait.
At your age.....date as many people as possible. Keep it light; nothing serious for a while. You'll know when the right dating relationship comes along.
that's what i've been afraid of. But im still confused, I told him that if he didnt want me then we could stay just friends, forever. But he said that no, he didnt want that, he didnt want to rule out the possibility, he just wanted to see where it goes. hence my confusion about how long should I wait.
Why would you allow someone to toy with your feelings like that? First, he doesn't want a relationship with you, then he does, but not really. Then he doesn't want you but he wants to keep you hanging on just in case he decides he wants you again.
To answer your question: Yes, I think you are crazy to wait around for him.
If this guy's your best friend, I'd hate to meet your worst !
From reading your post, it sounds like you've been making it easy for him. He's had a relationship without all the drama of actually having to have a real one.
He may be a user, or he may just be opprtunistic, he may be confused.I don't like to judge after only hearing one side of an argument
I think it might be time for you guys to have "that" talk.
I understand you don't want to lose him as a friend, but the way things are going with your resentment building, it might happen anyway.
Personally, I advise to drop your romantic interest and start dating others. If he is interested in you in a romantic way, that might be enough to make him act.
Between you and me, I wouldn't build up your hopes tho.
A good piece of advice I once heard is that when a guy tells you something you don't want to hear, believe him, because he's usually telling the truth. He has stuff to gain by lying and making something more positive. He has nothing to gain by lying and telling you disappointing news.
Here he has said several times that he doesn't want a relationship. You need to believe him. He likes hanging out with you--on his schedule. He likes having sex with you--no strings attached. He likes having someone to talk to on the phone when he's lonely--but on his schedule. What he isn't willing to offer you is a commitment--what you want. He is willing to accept sex and companionship from you when it's convenient for him but then he won't commit to anything more, like being there when you need him, building a life with you.
He's known you for a year and a half now. He knows you well enough to know if he wants that with you or not. He doesn't. If you want a real relationship with someone, it's not going to be him. If you're happy with things the way they are, then stay. Otherwise, let him go and find someone who actually wants to be your boyfriend. It isn't him.
that's what i've been afraid of. But im still confused, I told him that if he didnt want me then we could stay just friends, forever. But he said that no, he didnt want that, he didnt want to rule out the possibility, he just wanted to see where it goes. hence my confusion about how long should I wait.
End the confusion. He doesn't want to have a relationship with you.
If you are even moderately attractive, go out and have fun and meet some other guys. It will be even EXTRA fun since you have no interest in them, and and hung up on this guy. You may not meet Prince Charming, but you will have fun and maybe meet some new friends.
Again, there is no reason to be confused. The guy does not like you. He is not interested in having anything other than a friendly relationship with you. Move on.
Friends with benefits is never going to end well when one person wants a relationship and the other wants the convenience of the benefits and the comfort of the friendship. I think you have to do what is best for u because he's doing what is best for him. I know it is difficult when u feel a special connection to someone, but I would move on in every way. U shouldn't have to force the relationship issue. If you have been hanging out for 2 years and it has not amounted to anything more than friends w/benefits, then the chances are it won't go any further. He knows you and has experienced what you have to offer, yet he doesn't want what u want. If a man wants a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her. And if that guy wanted u the way u want him to u would know it. Don't wait for him to come around. Act on what he has told u and shown you. He is not ready, don't wait. If it is meant to be later it will happen and if not u have not wasted anymore time just hoping... Good luck
Friends with benefits is never going to end well when one person wants a relationship and the other wants the convenience of the benefits and the comfort of the friendship. I think you have to do what is best for u because he's doing what is best for him. I know it is difficult when u feel a special connection to someone, but I would move on in every way. U shouldn't have to force the relationship issue. If you have been hanging out for 2 years and it has not amounted to anything more than friends w/benefits, then the chances are it won't go any further. He knows you and has experienced what you have to offer, yet he doesn't want what u want. If a man wants a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her. And if that guy wanted u the way u want him to u would know it. Don't wait for him to come around. Act on what he has told u and shown you. He is not ready, don't wait. If it is meant to be later it will happen and if not u have not wasted anymore time just hoping... Good luck
thank you so much for your advice. just a point of clarification, were not friends with benefits, when he said he did not want a relationship and just wanted to be friends...I told him that we would do what friends do: not sleep together.
It's just hard to move on because were so close, he calls everyday and he wants to hang out all the time. And I just cant help myself. I answer the phone, I hang out with him because we have so much fun when were together. :/
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