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Old 07-02-2011, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 23,378,057 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's just nice when there is some type of an explanation when someone decides to move on...It's like "now you see me, and now you don't but I'm not going to bother telling you why!"...This only applies when someone has played a big role in our life and been in constant contact..."Once in awhile friends" are different...There are no real expectations with "once in awhile friends." But people who "come on strong" and stay in touch all the time seem different. When they disappear all of a sudden it can be worriesome. Are they ok? Did something bad happen to them?...What happened?
Yes, that is just common courtesy!
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Old 07-02-2011, 02:41 PM
 
37 posts, read 53,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Have you ever wondered why some friends stick around and other friends disappear after awhile?...I think some people enjoy the "high" of a new friendship when everything seems new and exciting. But when the novelty wears off they decide to move on...This happens with "love" relationships too. Have you noticed this?...What makes people decide to stick around? Common interests? A bond that takes some "roots?"
Like everything else, foundation is the deciding factor here. On what foundation was the friendship based on? If you bring trust, loyalty, respect and love to a friendship, no matter how great the quality of the virtues, you bring in, the friendship is still as weak as the link in either party's characters. For example, you can be the most honest, loving person with your spouse, but if the other party cheats, uses and abuses, then that relationship or friendship has no foundation and is bound by law of nature to crumble.

What makes people to stick around or leave is determined by the above. There are times that I have left a friendship or relationship because I felt the foundation was not there, but I have done so with full explanation. I think we owe it to the friendship to provide an honest explanation.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,652,610 times
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Desertman...I agree with you about the foundation in each relationship...It's weird when we think our friendship has a solid foundation but the other person obviously doesn't feel the same way...I had a friend who owned a bookstore and she seemed to pick a "best friend of the month." During each person's month she would shower them with exclusive attention...When the month was over they got displaced by someone new and weren't prepared to be "dumped."...I was her "friend of the month" one time and it was great. I thought we had a lot in common! But I was naive back then....Later in retrospect I figured out that she had a "friend of the month club." I watched her go through friends...She still talked to former friends but she never saw them outside her store anymore or very often...Later I read a book about "emotionally unavailable people" and this helped me put things in perspective a little bit. Some people just get "high" from new relationships and don't really want to go through the "long haul" with anyone if they can help it.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:40 PM
 
37 posts, read 53,887 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Desertman...I agree with you about the foundation in each relationship...It's weird when we think our friendship has a solid foundation but the other person obviously doesn't feel the same way...I had a friend who owned a bookstore and she seemed to pick a "best friend of the month." During each person's month she would shower them with exclusive attention...When the month was over they got displaced by someone new and weren't prepared to be "dumped."...I was her "friend of the month" one time and it was great. I thought we had a lot in common! But I was naive back then....Later in retrospect I figured out that she had a "friend of the month club." I watched her go through friends...She still talked to former friends but she never saw them outside her store anymore or very often...Later I read a book about "emotionally unavailable people" and this helped me put things in perspective a little bit. Some people just get "high" from new relationships and don't really want to go through the "long haul" with anyone if they can help it.
I think there is a name for it. It's called "relationship addiction". You can Google it.
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Old 07-02-2011, 03:42 PM
 
14,790 posts, read 14,835,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's just nice when there is some type of an explanation when someone decides to move on...It's like "now you see me, and now you don't but I'm not going to bother telling you why!"...This only applies when someone has played a big role in our life and been in constant contact..."Once in awhile friends" are different...There are no real expectations with "once in awhile friends." But people who "come on strong" and stay in touch all the time seem different. When they disappear all of a sudden it can be worriesome. Are they ok? Did something bad happen to them?...What happened?
yep. I've never done that, but certainly people have checked out, without even a "take care"....
can only assume you didn't mean that much in the first place.
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Old 07-02-2011, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,652,610 times
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I didn't really enjoy dating all that much "way back when" because it meant starting over with new people all the time...Sure it was interesting to get to know new men and have new experiences...But it got old to have to go through the "awkward initial stages" over and over again...I like making new friends but I don't have a compulsion to keep acquiring new friends all the time...It's nice to have "seasoned" and comfortable relationships most of all!...Now that I'm a widow I guess I'll have to start all over again at some point and date. YUK! I'm not ready to do any of that right now...And I like to take things "slow and easy" when it comes to new friends. I agree that it takes time to see "all sides" to someone. It takes time to build-up trust.
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Old 07-02-2011, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Way up high
16,460 posts, read 22,492,367 times
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I think I'm going to split from my best friend again. We just got in contact back in 9/08 when I got back down to Miami after not speaking for about 8 years. We had a fight a couple of months ago and it hasn't been the same since. I really have nothing to say to her after it. It just opened my eyes AGAIN.Oh well...
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Old 07-02-2011, 04:19 PM
 
14,790 posts, read 14,835,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I didn't really enjoy dating all that much "way back when" because it meant starting over with new people all the time...Sure it was interesting to get to know new men and have new experiences...But it got old to have to go through the "awkward initial stages" over and over again...I like making new friends but I don't have a compulsion to keep acquiring new friends all the time...It's nice to have "seasoned" and comfortable relationships most of all!...Now that I'm a widow I guess I'll have to start all over again at some point and date. YUK! I'm not ready to do any of that right now...And I like to take things "slow and easy" when it comes to new friends. I agree that it takes time to see "all sides" to someone. It takes time to build-up trust.
definitely .... trust needs to be earned
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Old 07-03-2011, 02:57 AM
 
1,845 posts, read 2,863,055 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Have you ever wondered why some friends stick around and other friends disappear after awhile?...I think some people enjoy the "high" of a new friendship when everything seems new and exciting. But when the novelty wears off they decide to move on...This happens with "love" relationships too. Have you noticed this?...What makes people decide to stick around? Common interests? A bond that takes some "roots?"
Directed towards the OP..

There are different types of friends...be careful not to generalize...
There are friends from work..friends from college, friends from partying, friends that have been with you since kinder...

All in all I think relationships are established and nourished depending on the parties involved...
I know for myself..I have friends that I have kept dear to my heart since childhood and we can go for years without talkikng but I know they still love me and I them and when it counts we are there for each other ( Usually out of state friends)
I have those friends that stayed semi local and we see each other every other weekend or every several months..these are the confidantes..they know everything about me and I likewise...

I have established working relationships with people and even though I no longer work there I am still in contact with them from time to time..

I have friends whom I cut ties with when I was younger due to illegal and toxic behaviors and have recently united with them only to find that they have straightened out and the stories we share are priceless..

Then there is the smaller pool..the friends you thought were friends but turned out to be scandalous...this is life..cut them off and we know deep down which ones they are...
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Old 07-03-2011, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,652,610 times
Reputation: 3543
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74 View Post
Directed towards the OP..

There are different types of friends...be careful not to generalize...
There are friends from work..friends from college, friends from partying, friends that have been with you since kinder...

All in all I think relationships are established and nourished depending on the parties involved...
I know for myself..I have friends that I have kept dear to my heart since childhood and we can go for years without talkikng but I know they still love me and I them and when it counts we are there for each other ( Usually out of state friends)
I have those friends that stayed semi local and we see each other every other weekend or every several months..these are the confidantes..they know everything about me and I likewise...

I have established working relationships with people and even though I no longer work there I am still in contact with them from time to time..

I have friends whom I cut ties with when I was younger due to illegal and toxic behaviors and have recently united with them only to find that they have straightened out and the stories we share are priceless..

Then there is the smaller pool..the friends you thought were friends but turned out to be scandalous...this is life..cut them off and we know deep down which ones they are...
Good post!
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