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Old 07-03-2011, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,657,157 times
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I think we have "hidden agreements" in our friendships...I don't talk to my longtime friends all the time or see them but we know we will "be there" for each other forever...I don't view them as "gone" or "missing" if we don't talk to each other every single day. This is a good point to bring up...It's different with new friends. It takes time to build-up a solid foundation...I had "everyday relationships" with my longtime friends in the past and we developed solid foundations...Through the years we moved to different parts of the country and we don't live in close proximity anymore...We stay in touch when we can and we're "there" for each other during our times of "need."....Relationships are like starting a new job. When we're the "new person" in an office we have to "work our way up" and "prove ourselves" to our boss and co-workers...Do we show up late a lot? Call in sick? Are we full of excuses when we don't get our work done on time? Do we expect a "free pass" in life? Do we create "special rules" just for ourselves? Or are we dependable and trustworthy and respectful of others?....Relationships involve "work" too! And accountability...Don't you think?
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Old 07-03-2011, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,659,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I think we have "hidden agreements" in our friendships...I don't talk to my longtime friends all the time or see them but we know we will "be there" for each other forever...I don't view them as "gone" or "missing" if we don't talk to each other every single day. This is a good point to bring up...It's different with new friends. It takes time to build-up a solid foundation...I had "everyday relationships" with my longtime friends in the past and we developed solid foundations...Through the years we moved to different parts of the country and we don't live in close proximity anymore...We stay in touch when we can and we're "there" for each other during our times of "need."....Relationships are like starting a new job. When we're the "new person" in an office we have to "work our way up" and "prove ourselves" to our boss and co-workers...Do we show up late a lot? Call in sick? Are we full of excuses when we don't get our work done on time? Do we expect a "free pass" in life? Do we create "special rules" just for ourselves? Or are we dependable and trustworthy and respectful of others?....Relationships involve "work" too! And accountability...Don't you think?
I do agree when starting a new friendship that we have to be willing to invest the time in it. If we make plans we need to keep them. If we say we will do something for the new friend we have to follow thru

Old friendships with a lot of history can take a little neglect and survive because like old oak trees, they have deep roots.

Young friendships are like saplings, vulnerable to the harshness of the world, and must be tended to regularly
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Old 07-03-2011, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,657,157 times
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I do agree when starting a new friendship that we have to be willing to invest the time in it. If we make plans we need to keep them. If we say we will do something for the new friend we have to follow thru

Old friendships with a lot of history can take a little neglect and survive because like old oak trees, they have deep roots.

Young friendships are like saplings, vulnerable to the harshness of the world, and must be tended to regularly
I agree with you...Good analogies!
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Old 07-03-2011, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Ohio
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Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Have you ever wondered why some friends stick around and other friends disappear after awhile?...I think some people enjoy the "high" of a new friendship when everything seems new and exciting. But when the novelty wears off they decide to move on...This happens with "love" relationships too. Have you noticed this?...What makes people decide to stick around? Common interests? A bond that takes some "roots?"
People can be really good freinds but sometimes they get to be at different points or places in their lives and time seems to be a great divider. I had a freind who was my BEST freind for 8 yrs. We grew apart for about a 1 1/2 years and then we became freinds again. It didnt take me long to figure out that in that time he had become a completely different person. I wont go into details on that but soon I quit returning his calls and quit hanging out with him when he wanted to get together. I didnt want to be associated with likes of somone like him and what he had become.
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Old 07-03-2011, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,657,157 times
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Lately I've prepared myself to let friends go...Some friends pass through my life quickly. I don't want to take their leaving personally and feel hurt and angry and rejected...Sometimes I guess we're just suppose to "cross paths" with people for short periods of time and that's the way it goes...I think we learn something from everyone we meet...We're exposed to new thoughts and ideas and different lifestyles and cultures...So what if they don't stick around forever? We are "touched" and "enriched" by everyone we meet in one way or another. If someone "drives us crazy" we can ask ourselves "why" and try to learn from it. If it's hard to let someone "go" we can ask ourselves "why" and try to learn from this too. Don't you think?
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Old 07-20-2013, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Hartford Connecticut
304 posts, read 335,008 times
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Friends come and go- true friends stick by you know matter how low you get, how many mistakes you have made-
'Pseudo friends' are likely to just move away- they develop certain boundaries, of how much they are willing to 'give' in emotional support. Its a tough call on long some people will stick around. Be lucky as you grow older to have 1 or 2 'real friends' as they say, screw them ALL and save the remaining good ones for pall bearers!
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Old 07-23-2013, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in the universe
2,161 posts, read 4,142,601 times
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There are always people who are just around to have fun or in the background. That does not bother me. As long as I have my true friend (or a few close ones) I will know who I have to just hang around with, and who I have in every case, good or bad.

I'm even sure we have all been those background people in others lives. Nothing wrong with that because while I do think it is good to have a decent social life, I don't think most people need tons of people in their life every second to call their 'friends'.

I will say that there are times when I am not sure if I could have been someone's true friend or not. There are people that I tried to get to know and keep in touch with, but they ignore me and I never hear from the again. I don't know if I am supposed to break my neck to get to them or not, because I would have liked to have remained close to them. I guess that's just life's way of letting you know who is here to stay and who is not.
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Old 07-23-2013, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 91,659,199 times
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Originally Posted by Lovely95 View Post
There are always people who are just around to have fun or in the background. That does not bother me. As long as I have my true friend (or a few close ones) I will know who I have to just hang around with, and who I have in every case, good or bad.

I'm even sure we have all been those background people in others lives. Nothing wrong with that because while I do think it is good to have a decent social life, I don't think most people need tons of people in their life every second to call their 'friends'.

I will say that there are times when I am not sure if I could have been someone's true friend or not. There are people that I tried to get to know and keep in touch with, but they ignore me and I never hear from the again. I don't know if I am supposed to break my neck to get to them or not, because I would have liked to have remained close to them. I guess that's just life's way of letting you know who is here to stay and who is not.
Well said, this has pretty much been my experience too
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:47 PM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,245 posts, read 6,319,550 times
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Quote:
I'm even sure we have all been those background people in others lives. Nothing wrong with that because while I do think it is good to have a decent social life, I don't think most people need tons of people in their life every second to call their 'friends'.
yeah, I think with my recent freinds I was more their background person. In one case the friend distanced himself (tho I sort of kept trying).

In the other two cases, one is becoming more fading, as I tend to make the effort....he doesnt call and I dont either. We do a once-a-month thing but I am trying to end that.

The other case is a bit more important to me, but he sort of signals that I am a background person to him as well, just a few hints. Again a one-a-month thing..

Both of these freindships sort of fired up after my partner passed & was sort of using them to fill the hole in my life. But I think i saw more in them or put more value on the communications and such then these persons did, and I think the time is come to move on. '

I used to be the kind of person that had one or two close friends, then i had my partner. These post-partner freindships dont really rise to the "close friend" level, though...if I take a hard look at them.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, Calif.
2,431 posts, read 3,007,318 times
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I guess friends come in various levels of intensity. I used to get bothered by the flaky ones. But then I discovered that
my friends dont need to have exactly the same tastes as me. It is true that friends need to have enough in common to be able to understand each other, and it is better if we share the same basic values. But they do not have to be identical in personality and background. In fact, differences can even bring richness and mutual benefit.

Then, I try to remember that true happiness—and true friendship—come from giving of myself, time, and resources.
When I used to be so preoccupied with only myself, it never worked out. I just wanted to receive. So now, when meeting new cool people, I dont just chase the ones that I admire or the ones that I can gain something from. But I go beyond that and consider those whom others might overlook or who may even have difficulty meeting and making friends.
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