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Old 07-26-2013, 01:36 AM
 
3,939 posts, read 4,156,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Desertman...I agree with you about the foundation in each relationship...It's weird when we think our friendship has a solid foundation but the other person obviously doesn't feel the same way...I had a friend who owned a bookstore and she seemed to pick a "best friend of the month." During each person's month she would shower them with exclusive attention...When the month was over they got displaced by someone new and weren't prepared to be "dumped."...I was her "friend of the month" one time and it was great. I thought we had a lot in common! But I was naive back then....Later in retrospect I figured out that she had a "friend of the month club." I watched her go through friends...She still talked to former friends but she never saw them outside her store anymore or very often...Later I read a book about "emotionally unavailable people" and this helped me put things in perspective a little bit. Some people just get "high" from new relationships and don't really want to go through the "long haul" with anyone if they can help it.
I met someone like this recently. I learned a valuable lesson and now avoid anyone that even remotely reminds me of her. There were red flags but I obviously ignored them.
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Old 07-26-2013, 11:37 AM
 
61 posts, read 88,860 times
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Well most ppl are only friends due to common interests. If those interestes fade, then the friendship will dwindle fast. So many ppl are weary of new friends because ppl always have hidden agendas when making friends. Old friendships may with stand the time test depending on how strong the bond is b/w those two ppl. I have known ppl that were close friends for a couple of months than the next, they were like strangers. Time avaiblity is a big thing in friendships. If you can't make time for friends then they tend to move on to the next person. Friends come and go so often.
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Old 12-22-2013, 08:50 AM
 
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I can't speak for the ones that stuck around, they all disappear after awhile in my life. It's just a question of how long.
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Old 07-29-2015, 11:49 AM
 
714 posts, read 563,118 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I do agree when starting a new friendship that we have to be willing to invest the time in it. If we make plans we need to keep them. If we say we will do something for the new friend we have to follow thru

Old friendships with a lot of history can take a little neglect and survive because like old oak trees, they have deep roots.

Young friendships are like saplings, vulnerable to the harshness of the world, and must be tended to regularly

Well said. One time a really good friend of mine (I had just moved out on my own after living with him and another good bro for 2 years) and I had plans to go snowboarding. Night before we were to go, I got smashed drunk with a couple buddies and slept on a couch at my friend Steve's place. The next morning I wake up with a mega hangover and call my friend to make sure he's still in for boarding. I woke him up with the call and he didn't want to go. I said "cool, me and Steve will just go up then." Right after I said that he was like "oh, Steve's going? Alright, I'll go." I was sort of taken aback and gave him a hard time about it later and he said "well I've known you for like 10 years and you were my roommate, I don't feel as bad ditching you for something like that."

So now anytime we plan to do something and he starts to flake I tell him Steve is coming lol.
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Old 07-29-2015, 12:23 PM
 
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I'm leery when people seem to come on like "gangbusters" in the early stages of a friendship. A lot of times these people end up disappearing before too long without any explanation...So I am "on guard" when people move "too fast!" How do you feel about it?
I've noticed many of these kind of people that are like this tend to be "users" or have a lot of baggage. If you don't satisfy their purpose, then they get mad & leave. I know someone like that.
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:18 PM
 
9,448 posts, read 4,841,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I'm leery when people seem to come on like "gangbusters" in the early stages of a friendship. A lot of times these people end up disappearing before too long without any explanation...So I am "on guard" when people move "too fast!" How do you feel about it?

Sometimes they turn out to be desperate and friendless for a resson and you end up wishing they WOULD disappear!
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Old 08-01-2015, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Seoul
11,584 posts, read 7,214,419 times
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Its so cryptic sometimes. I became friends with this girl online, we met in real life and had a lot in common and chilled a lot. Some days we stayed up texting each other til it was like 4 or 5 in the morning. We made a ****load of plans too, we were both xNFP types so we had tons of completely random things we wanted to do together. Then she just fell off the face of the Earth, like I dont even know wtf happened. I don't care about losing random acquaintances, but I thought the friendship we had was real, that **** hurts
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Old 08-01-2015, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
28,457 posts, read 27,231,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Have you ever wondered why some friends stick around and other friends disappear after awhile?...I think some people enjoy the "high" of a new friendship when everything seems new and exciting. But when the novelty wears off they decide to move on...This happens with "love" relationships too. Have you noticed this?...What makes people decide to stick around? Common interests? A bond that takes some "roots?"
Often it's the situation, common interests. Some stick because they realize that you really hear and see them. I'm still not sure why supposedly good friends drift away.
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Old 08-02-2015, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY 🇺🇸
36,765 posts, read 11,931,230 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I think we have "hidden agreements" in our friendships...I don't talk to my longtime friends all the time or see them but we know we will "be there" for each other forever...I don't view them as "gone" or "missing" if we don't talk to each other every single day. This is a good point to bring up...It's different with new friends. It takes time to build-up a solid foundation...I had "everyday relationships" with my longtime friends in the past and we developed solid foundations...Through the years we moved to different parts of the country and we don't live in close proximity anymore...We stay in touch when we can and we're "there" for each other during our times of "need."....Relationships are like starting a new job. When we're the "new person" in an office we have to "work our way up" and "prove ourselves" to our boss and co-workers...Do we show up late a lot? Call in sick? Are we full of excuses when we don't get our work done on time? Do we expect a "free pass" in life? Do we create "special rules" just for ourselves? Or are we dependable and trustworthy and respectful of others?....Relationships involve "work" too! And accountability...Don't you think?

All of that is very true, and friendships can change over the course of time, too.

I've remained friends with a coworker who's been going through some rough issues lately. I have to say, she shares a lot of her problems with me, and I am there for her. But a great deal of the problems are financial--supposedly. Because although she goes on to me about not being able to afford this and wishing she had that, when I see her, she sure looks as if she's doing okay. I'm not hearing about the good things.

There's an expression in Italian: Some people are quick to tell you their problems. But they dance alone.

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Old 08-07-2015, 02:36 AM
 
Location: brooklyn, new york, USA
899 posts, read 1,007,222 times
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i don't keep friends for this reason. unreliable. anyone can up and quit at any moment. not worth it. i was friends with a kid (since i was 11) for 18 years. one day, he decided to just stop talking to me. i can say the same for most friends who either left after DECADES because interests/values changed or they just saw that they could not use me for anything (that's what i find most friends want to do - use you for a car ride, borrow your ipod, borrow 10 bucks for dinner, etc.). again, not worth it.
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