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Old 09-13-2011, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 19,952,316 times
Reputation: 8668

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I think you should ask her. That may give you some "closure" on this case.
I don't think that will happen.

Quote:
You may not, but maybe the girl did. Maybe your wife sensed it and that's the reason she didn't want her in your house.

There are thousands of homeless people, Phil. I'm sure you're not interested in or capable of caring for all of them. There's something that touched you about this particular girl. Seriously, I highly doubt you would’ve wanted to do the same for a 60-year-old male student of yours. Which brings me to a question actually. How would YOU react if your wife had decided to bring a young attractive homeless man in your house?
You still don't understand me, after all these years of our knowing each other. Not surprising, really, because I've never really talked "shop" with you about my martial arts teaching career.

Let's just leave it that you're making an erroneous assumption. I don't feel like expanding on this right now.
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Old 09-13-2011, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,518,985 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
I don't think that will happen.

You still don't understand me, after all these years of our knowing each other. Not surprising, really, because I've never really talked "shop" with you about my martial arts teaching career.

Let's just leave it that you're making an erroneous assumption. I don't feel like expanding on this right now.
As I already said, I wasn't talking necessarily (or at all) about YOU! Everything isn't about YOU, Waggy!
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:02 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 22,823,827 times
Reputation: 13453
There have been so many great responses in this thread that I hope to get to. As an update- I called my friend today to inquire about her physical. To be clear, this physical is for an agency she wants to work with. She let me know her plan was to do it on Monday. She gave her reasoning, which was boloney. I started in on her, told her she should do it today, that she might appear flighty to this agency is she waits so long. Well, she went in, had it done, and passed. Her BP was normal. She called the agency and let them know that she would be faxing in all her paper work tomorrow. The woman's response was promising! She asked her "do you want to come up here to Chicago?" And my friend told her she'd go any where. Very exciting.

This agency is sort of like traveling nurses, but for OR folk. If they take her she'll get room and board, food vouchers, and a stipend. I'm praying! Her spirits were good today as well. She was worried about the physical since she failed the last one. She picked up her workout dvd's from her mom's, but will start tomorrow. I didn't like that, but kept quiet. So, at this point we're waiting.
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
678 posts, read 1,369,126 times
Reputation: 1123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
There have been so many great responses in this thread that I hope to get to. As an update- I called my friend today to inquire about her physical. To be clear, this physical is for an agency she wants to work with. She let me know her plan was to do it on Monday. She gave her reasoning, which was boloney. I started in on her, told her she should do it today, that she might appear flighty to this agency is she waits so long. Well, she went in, had it done, and passed. Her BP was normal. She called the agency and let them know that she would be faxing in all her paper work tomorrow. The woman's response was promising! She asked her "do you want to come up here to Chicago?" And my friend told her she'd go any where. Very exciting.

This agency is sort of like traveling nurses, but for OR folk. If they take her she'll get room and board, food vouchers, and a stipend. I'm praying! Her spirits were good today as well. She was worried about the physical since she failed the last one. She picked up her workout dvd's from her mom's, but will start tomorrow. I didn't like that, but kept quiet. So, at this point we're waiting.
This is good news! I hope the agency job comes through for her. These 'wins' could help with her confidence and motivation. Time will tell.... She's lucky to have you for a friend.

Keep us posted.
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:30 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
6,697 posts, read 7,287,664 times
Reputation: 10106
Glad your friend seems to be taking postive steps!! I have always been of the mind set that if I am in a postion to help a friend out I will do so...of course my first obligation is to my kids and their well being...but if it didn't impact on them then I think I set a good example by helping others out! Yes it can wind up biting you in the butt...but if your intentions are good it's another life lesson learned!!
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Old 09-14-2011, 02:57 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,609,627 times
Reputation: 3957
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
She doesn't currently receive any form of aid. She did get money for her newest cert. Her BMI is no doubt playing into the cycle. She's always been a bigger girl (maybe 150lbs when she was 20), but having the kids was the beginning of the end weight wise.
Wow 150 lbs. How utterly dreadful!

What size/weight is your friend? You seem to be very focused on her weight.

To the issue in question - I would not do this without a signed lease and rent paid, even if it's a reduced rent. The bathroom situation is a particular concern.

You may find that you are hurting her more than helping her by enabling her to sit around and not take responsibility for herself.
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Old 09-14-2011, 04:43 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 22,823,827 times
Reputation: 13453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
Wow 150 lbs. How utterly dreadful!
I don't recall if it was 150 or 160. She was just a bigger girl. She was bigger when she was a kid. Being on the slightly heavy side as a young girl or woman leads to a greater risk of further weight gain when older. That's because the number of adipose cells develop when we're young, rather than just getting larger. This creates a situation where it's more difficult to lose weight when older since there are more cells.

Quote:
What size/weight is your friend? You seem to be very focused on her weight.
I think I mentioned it in the OP. She's at or almost at 270lbs. She stated 267, and then said she's almost at 300lbs. So, I'm not completely sure. Yes, I am very focused on her weight. Health is the number one priority here. She did well during her last physical, but the one before noted blood pressure of 135/117. That's very high diastolic pressure. She's in her late 30s and will end up having a heart attack by the time she's in her 40s (if not sooner) if she doesn't get a hold of the situation quickly. And she fully admits that she eats crap and doesn't exercise.

Further, adipose holds enzymes that promote the conversion of steroids to estrogen. Not only can this affect heart health, but I figure it plays a role in mental/emotional health as hormones often do. So, she not only has to deal with psychosocial issues, but her hormones are probably out of whack. This, in turn, could lend to her depression.

Quote:
To the issue in question - I would not do this without a signed lease and rent paid, even if it's a reduced rent. The bathroom situation is a particular concern.

You may find that you are hurting her more than helping her by enabling her to sit around and not take responsibility for herself.
As mentioned, I don't want to enable her, which is the point of this thread; how to deal with a potential homeless friend. Hopefully, this agency will come through for her and she'll get a job.
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Old 09-14-2011, 04:54 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 22,823,827 times
Reputation: 13453
Quote:
Originally Posted by xiansheng_g View Post
Is she your "friend," as someone you would give up your right arm for, or just an acquaintance? Why would you associate with someone who has character traits that bother you? Do your friend and yourself a favor and tell her "no."
I think I mentioned in the OP that we've been friends going on 20 years now. As far as her having character traits that bother me, well, I guess she's more like family at this point. Family members don't always jive with our worldviews, but we put up with it (some of us do at least). Clearly, my priorities were different two decades ago. The things that bother me now simply didn't bother me then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Honestly, it sounds like she should be going to Overeater's Anonymous. A friend of mine did that 3 years ago and she lost 60 lbs and has kept it off. She is a lot happier, a lot more motivated, etc. She still goes to her 12 step meetings several times a week.
I almost mentioned that to her yesterday after reading your post, but I didn't want to offend her. I did ask if she thought she ate too much, but she said no, she just eats crap and doesn't exercise. So, I don't know if it's overeating, rather eating the wrong foods.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
I think some self inquiry might be in order. You'll need to ask yourself what you get out of taking in strays. There is always an emotional payoff to this, although it usually will leave you financially depleted. It sounds like you have some codependency issues yourself.
Perhaps. In the past I took people in because it was just the thing to do given my lifestyle. As a former street performer, dead head, reni, etc I just knew a lot of people that were either transient, living off the grid, not working, whatever. I was a bit different in that I was a vendor. I was in those scenes to make money and I always had space and goods. When you have space and many around you do not, it's pretty natural to lend it out. In my mind at least.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Maine
2,274 posts, read 6,013,008 times
Reputation: 2539
I just want to address the weight issue. At one point in my life my BMI was 42. I worked full-time, was a single mom to a toddler, and went to law school. Yes, if I had continued, I would have developed health problems, and that's why I did something about it. But it is very possible for a person to work just fine and have a life at that weight. That's my perspective, anyway.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:59 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,609,627 times
Reputation: 3957
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawmom View Post
I just want to address the weight issue. At one point in my life my BMI was 42. I worked full-time, was a single mom to a toddler, and went to law school. Yes, if I had continued, I would have developed health problems, and that's why I did something about it. But it is very possible for a person to work just fine and have a life at that weight. That's my perspective, anyway.
Yeah. Agreed. Also 150 is hardly a 'big girl'. But whatever the OP's hang ups are with this woman's weight (300lbs is a lot), I think her intentions are good with trying to help her friend out... so I'm trying not to get weirded out by the 'big girl' comments.

I just think the OP's plans are the quickest way to end the friendship and possibly her relationship with her husband to boot.

Let's hope the friend gets a job and starts to take care of her health herself before the you-know-what really hits the fan and we have threads on the real estate forum asking how to evict a squatting tenant.
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