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In your experience? It seemed like in the history of my family, women were responsible for planning outings, get-togethers, making the phone calls, sending the cards, etc. With the exception of camping trips, which for example, the men always planned.
Now, our family is rather fragmented, my brother and my male cousins call each other and spend time together but never invite me. They never call me or message me on my birthday. My brother will if my mother tells him to enough times, but he never calls me. He's getting married now, and one of my male cousins is married and my mother is all over my back to "get to know the wives" and "don't shut yourself out". I don't think that I'm the one shutting myself out. The phone works both ways!!
Now, my brother is getting married and my mom keeps pressuring me to go to his wedding even though I barely know the guy and I know darn well if the tables were turned he wouldn't go to mine. Why is it up to me? Is it because I'm the girl???
I'm not saying this is the case in every family, but it seems to be so in mine and the new generation of guys need to learn that if they want family connections, they need to do so also. Has anybody else experienced this in their families?
I think that is true in many families. I know my mother generally handled the correspondence with both her's, and my father's families. My brothers are all older than I am, and they do a better job of keeping in touch with me than I do with them, but we still don't talk that often.
With my own kids' generation, Facebook has made it easy to keep up with each other, as well as their cousins. That doesn't mean they talk, but they do communicate. They recently planned an extended family reunion for this upcoming summer without any input from the parents.
But, if you want a closer relationship with your brother, why on earth would you skip his wedding? You have to start somewhere to reestablish a bond, why not with that?
In my family and extended family ~ it ALWAYS defaults to the women maintaining these bonds.
And ususaly there are just one or two who do ALL the planning, inviting, entertaining, etc.
However, I don't think it's a good idea. When my Mom died, my father was totally alone and had NO idea how to reach out and make friends. He eventually learned but I had to give him a little nudge - otherwise, he was just going to try and turn my friends into his friends because that's all he knew how to do. I'm so proud of him for getting out there and making a life for himself ~ which is what he had to do.
IF you want to be closer to your male cousins/brother - attend the wedding; attend the outings.
I think that is true in many families. I know my mother generally handled the correspondence with both her's, and my father's families. My brothers are all older than I am, and they do a better job of keeping in touch with me than I do with them, but we still don't talk that often.
With my own kids' generation, Facebook has made it easy to keep up with each other, as well as their cousins. That doesn't mean they talk, but they do communicate. They recently planned an extended family reunion for this upcoming summer without any input from the parents.
But, if you want a closer relationship with your brother, why on earth would you skip his wedding? You have to start somewhere to reestablish a bond, why not with that?
I guess I've reached the point where I just don't care anymore. He's always been embarrassed of me, and I don't know his friends, with exception of one who is a total jerk, and we have nothing in common. There's no hostility there (except when my mother tries to force me to do all the work). We're just two strangers who if we didn't have the same mother, would not have anything to do with each other.
In your experience? It seemed like in the history of my family, women were responsible for planning outings, get-togethers, making the phone calls, sending the cards, etc. With the exception of camping trips, which for example, the men always planned.
Now, our family is rather fragmented, my brother and my male cousins call each other and spend time together but never invite me. They never call me or message me on my birthday. My brother will if my mother tells him to enough times, but he never calls me. He's getting married now, and one of my male cousins is married and my mother is all over my back to "get to know the wives" and "don't shut yourself out". I don't think that I'm the one shutting myself out. The phone works both ways!!
Now, my brother is getting married and my mom keeps pressuring me to go to his wedding even though I barely know the guy and I know darn well if the tables were turned he wouldn't go to mine. Why is it up to me? Is it because I'm the girl???
I'm not saying this is the case in every family, but it seems to be so in mine and the new generation of guys need to learn that if they want family connections, they need to do so also. Has anybody else experienced this in their families?
It is probably true in many families that the wife/mother handles "maintaining the family bonds". Think back in recent history (pre-1960s) and you will probably discover the reason. Women usually do the planning, corresponding, etc. because their mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers had that role as they were generally SAHM/SAHW. Of course, partly it is just because many/some men are absolutely clueless about things like that.
Now back to your problem. It is probably likely that your brother and male cousins do "boys night out" adventures and do not think to invite their sister/female cousin. That will probably change when they are older and more settled and plan more coed/couples activities. It is amazing how things can change in just five years. Their "boys night out" drinking in bars & going to sports events probably will change into family picnics & potlucks with their wives & children and other relatives.
Go to your brother's wedding. (I would always recommend doing that, unless it was a situation involving out and out hatred or abuse.) Have fun & make an effort to get to know his new bride. Not because you are a girl but because that is what families do.
BTW Your brother probably would go to your wedding. Men/brothers can sometimes be jerks but when it really matters most really do try to do the right thing.
I guess I've reached the point where I just don't care anymore. He's always been embarrassed of me, and I don't know his friends, with exception of one who is a total jerk, and we have nothing in common. There's no hostility there (except when my mother tries to force me to do all the work). We're just two strangers who if we didn't have the same mother, would not have anything to do with each other.
I'm not sure how old you are but if you are fairly young you have many years to become closer to your brother.
My older brother is seven years older than me so had very little in common when we were younger. Heck, why would a HS student want to spend time with someone in elementary school? We started to be a lot closer when both of us were adults. Now we are extremely close.
My two brothers are 14 years different in ages. When my older brother was a senior in HS his younger brother was a preschooler. Talk about having nothing in common. Wow! Now they are both adults and only live a few minutes away from each other. They see each other or talk on the phone several times per week as they have a lot in common and really enjoy each others company.
As, you can see a lot can change over the years. Good luck to you and hang in there.
I'm not sure how old you are but if you are fairly young you have many years to become closer to your brother.
My older brother is seven years older than me so had very little in common when we were younger. Heck, why would a HS student want to spend time with someone in elementary school? We started to be a lot closer when both of us were adults. Now we are extremely close.
My two brothers are 14 years different in ages. When my older brother was a senior in HS his younger brother was a preschooler. Talk about having nothing in common. Wow! Now they are both adults and only live a few minutes away from each other. They see each other or talk on the phone several times per week as they have a lot in common and really enjoy each others company.
As, you can see a lot can change over the years. Good luck to you and hang in there.
This is definitely true. I was an only child, so I never learned the sibling bond (and thought that was advantageous when I was younger). When I met my wife 30 years ago, she was not long out of college and had little to do with her older sisters. My son and daughter (by two different wives) were nine years apart, so they didn't have the typical sibling closeness when they were young.
But now that I see the closeness my wife has with her sisters and how close my now-adult son and daughter have become...I realize what I'm missing.
When everyone gets old, the differences even out. You will be old for a lot longer than you will be young.
In my family, the women maintain those bonds. I wouldn't say it is their responsibility, but I wouldn't bother to do it. My wife chooses to do it, so I go along with her.
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I don't think that I'm the one shutting myself out. The phone works both ways!!
