Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not sure if this falls into the non-romantic relationship category but I just wondered what other people would have done in my situation:
I became friends with this young lady from Nigeria and assisted her in getting a job as a law clerk at my firm. She had two young girls and a layabout for a fiance. She never seemed to have enough money for groceries, or bus fare, lunches or whatever. Apparently, she wasn't making a good personal impression around the office and people started whispering about her.
I felt sorry for her mainly because she hadn't been in this country all that long and had no family here. The gist of it is: she asked me if I could give her a small loan so that she could buy winter jackets for her two girls and said that she would pay me back in two weeks when she got paid. I knew it was her first time living in a cold climate (I still lived in Chicago at the time) and she didn't have the a proper wardrobe. I loaned her $225.00 for the little girls' sake so that they wouldn't be cold.
After the payday came and went, I began to notice that she was avoiding me. After a couple of weeks of this, I finally tracked her down and point blank asked her when she could pay me back. She sort of smirked and said, "Oh, you''ll never get that money back, sorry," and hurried away. Since then, I've tried initiating conversations with her but she steers well clear of me. I'm livid and a little hurt that someone I thought was nice and hardworking could behave so ungratefully. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never see that money again and I never even told my husband what happened. My question is: how would you have handled this situation?
About 15 years ago I had a neighborhood acquaintance with too many kids and too little money. She would tell me Easter was coming and she had no money for Easter baskets, or school was about to start and her kids needed sneakers and school supplies.. I bought chocolate bunnies and jelly beans and school supplies and back packs for school. (The sneakers were the last straw.)
I fell for it a couple of times and then I got wise when I saw her selling the sneakers I had bought for her children to a man in a parking lot at a convenience store! I confronted her and this sociopath said that she needed the money for rent!
The whole thing sickened me.
Remember the law of Karma - what goes around comes around.
Now I will give at a charity, donate clothes to my church , but I do not give directly to anyone.
Sorry you went thru this. But, at least now you know and can steer clear, and yes, I'd let everyone in the office know.
This happened to me once for $75.00 come to find out she had told her husband I borrowed it from her and wouldn't pay back, hence the reason she didn't want to " hang out" anymore.... Since then, I never loan money. I do as someone suggested above, meet them there. Most of the time, they say ok, and I don't hear anything else about it.
I was in a similar situation years ago although the amount involved was only $20.00. Tell her you will go to HR and report that she is defrauding coworkers on company premises. There is probably something in the employee rule book that covers this such as a "no soliciting " rule. Many people have difficulty saying no to a sob story and you should not have to be subjected to scams in the workplace.
wow i just started a thread for good deeds, now this??????
i don't know why you were trying to friend her after she did that to you. (but irony i thread about that too.) you have a good heart and don't let one bad apple change it. you just met an bad person ------ don't blame everyone and stop trusting but don't be a sucker either. knuckle up or go to court - in small claim court, u can add the fee and other things to bring this up to 1000 easlily then she be shock and begging u to stop the process.
a lot of women do this with bf and father issues..... every man must pay...... but just think about it. ...... u was dealing with the wrong man, and or your father was just a jerk. don't punish the next one........and remember YOU DID THE PICKIN. ( BF)
just my rules, I will give to charity, donate clothes to my church and I do not give directly to anyone especially on the street.
Thanks for all of the good advice everyone. Now, when people ask to borrow money, I've learned to say, "I'm so sorry, I'd like to help but I can't right now." (still too chicken to say an outright "NO").
I do give to various charities but I also want to see direct results - every summer I load my car trunk with a couple of cases of Arrowhead water and pass it out in the areas where there are a lot of homeless people. I don't risk my well being though - I may hand a few bottles to people directly, but mostly I put several bottles on the sidewalk, let them know they are free and get back in my car and drive away. I've done this ever since I've been in California and its worked out fine. My husband does the same thing but he is passing out fresh fruit.
Sorry you went thru this. But, at least now you know and can steer clear, and yes, I'd let everyone in the office know.
This happened to me once for $75.00 come to find out she had told her husband I borrowed it from her and wouldn't pay back, hence the reason she didn't want to " hang out" anymore.... Since then, I never loan money. I do as someone suggested above, meet them there. Most of the time, they say ok, and I don't hear anything else about it.
Wow what a skunk! Why is it when we loan someone money, they get nasty with us when they are slow to pay it back, or in many cases, never pay it back?
Not sure if this falls into the non-romantic relationship category but I just wondered what other people would have done in my situation:
I became friends with this young lady from Nigeria and assisted her in getting a job as a law clerk at my firm. She had two young girls and a layabout for a fiance. She never seemed to have enough money for groceries, or bus fare, lunches or whatever. Apparently, she wasn't making a good personal impression around the office and people started whispering about her.
I felt sorry for her mainly because she hadn't been in this country all that long and had no family here. The gist of it is: she asked me if I could give her a small loan so that she could buy winter jackets for her two girls and said that she would pay me back in two weeks when she got paid. I knew it was her first time living in a cold climate (I still lived in Chicago at the time) and she didn't have the a proper wardrobe. I loaned her $225.00 for the little girls' sake so that they wouldn't be cold.
After the payday came and went, I began to notice that she was avoiding me. After a couple of weeks of this, I finally tracked her down and point blank asked her when she could pay me back. She sort of smirked and said, "Oh, you''ll never get that money back, sorry," and hurried away. Since then, I've tried initiating conversations with her but she steers well clear of me. I'm livid and a little hurt that someone I thought was nice and hardworking could behave so ungratefully. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never see that money again and I never even told my husband what happened. My question is: how would you have handled this situation?
I wouldn't have loaned her money in the first place. I'd have given her the phone numbers of various charities in the area where she could get donated coats for her and her children.
She's right, you'll never get that money back. Live and learn, and never loan money to anyone unless you'd be comfortable giving them that exact same amount outright.
I wouldn't have loaned her money in the first place. I'd have given her the phone numbers of various charities in the area where she could get donated coats for her and her children.
She's right, you'll never get that money back. Live and learn, and never loan money to anyone unless you'd be comfortable giving them that exact same amount outright.
I never think of something like that when I'm in the actual situation! Hindsight is something else isn't it?
I think connivers know exactly how most people will initially react and how their minds work: no one wants to see children cold, they feel that the situation is urgent and assistance is needed immediately, they feel like since they know the person who is asking that it is different than a total stranger on the street asking for money.
I wish I had thought of your suggestion when she asked me!
Are you sure she actually has kids? If she does, I'm sure they never saw any winter coats Sorry OP.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry OP.
