U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-20-2012, 11:57 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,096 posts, read 3,385,134 times
Reputation: 2394

Advertisements

I work with and am friends with an 18 year old girl who lives in an apartment. She's fairly broke. She's diabetic and losing weight, and if she loses any more weight she may end up in the hospital. It's not anorexia or anything. It just has to do with depression. Her old roommate left, but didn't pay the last percentage of the rent that he owed, so now she's in debt to the landlord. He's not pleased about this...but she'll pretty likely be able to get by. (She won't accept any loans from me)

The job she has, if she gets one more "coaching" she will be fired from. When employees make a serious mistake, they get coached.

She has a new roommate...so she'll be able to make future rents, which is good. It's her sister, which is good too. It's someone she can trust. Here's the thing though: My friend's sister's husband is physically abusive to my friend's sister.

I would very much enjoy placing a rock into a sock, and going down to my friend's apartment, and smacking her sister's husband in the head with it......but that would likely cause more problems than it would solve.

Also, my friend's sister and my friend's sister's husband have four children. My friend's sister and company are not particularly wealthy either. My friend's sister and her husband have been together 11 years. Evidently, my friend's sister is "in love" with him, and so won't leave him.

Here's what I plan on doing: Advising my friend to threaten to call the cops, or call the cops. if my friend's sister's husband ever makes her uncomfortable in any way, or if he is ever abusive...to anyone, while the three of them are living together. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Last edited by Clintone; 06-21-2012 at 12:22 AM..
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-21-2012, 02:05 AM
 
7,696 posts, read 14,023,267 times
Reputation: 10092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone View Post
I work with and am friends with an 18 year old girl who lives in an apartment. She's fairly broke. She's diabetic and losing weight, and if she loses any more weight she may end up in the hospital. It's not anorexia or anything. It just has to do with depression. Her old roommate left, but didn't pay the last percentage of the rent that he owed, so now she's in debt to the landlord. He's not pleased about this...but she'll pretty likely be able to get by. (She won't accept any loans from me)

The job she has, if she gets one more "coaching" she will be fired from. When employees make a serious mistake, they get coached.

She has a new roommate...so she'll be able to make future rents, which is good. It's her sister, which is good too. It's someone she can trust. Here's the thing though: My friend's sister's husband is physically abusive to my friend's sister.

I would very much enjoy placing a rock into a sock, and going down to my friend's apartment, and smacking her sister's husband in the head with it......but that would likely cause more problems than it would solve.

Also, my friend's sister and my friend's sister's husband have four children. My friend's sister and company are not particularly wealthy either. My friend's sister and her husband have been together 11 years. Evidently, my friend's sister is "in love" with him, and so won't leave him.

Here's what I plan on doing: Advising my friend to threaten to call the cops, or call the cops. if my friend's sister's husband ever makes her uncomfortable in any way, or if he is ever abusive...to anyone, while the three of them are living together. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
Where are the 4 kids living? I'm a bit confused about the living situation.

Go ahead and advise your friend whatever. Obviously she's taking in a very volatile load into her home. She might not take your advice though because it's her sister and the sister will do what she can to stop her from calling the cops. However, being "uncomfortable" isn't reason enough to call the cops. If it ever comes to it getting out of control that it's disturbing the neighborhood, call the cops yourself.

Don't get involved, though. I get that you care for your friend, but she's made it clear that she's going to handle her life herself.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-21-2012, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,096 posts, read 3,385,134 times
Reputation: 2394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Where are the 4 kids living? I'm a bit confused about the living situation.

Go ahead and advise your friend whatever. Obviously she's taking in a very volatile load into her home. She might not take your advice though because it's her sister and the sister will do what she can to stop her from calling the cops. However, being "uncomfortable" isn't reason enough to call the cops. If it ever comes to it getting out of control that it's disturbing the neighborhood, call the cops yourself.

Don't get involved, though. I get that you care for your friend, but she's made it clear that she's going to handle her life herself.
The four kids are living with them too. Thanks. I don't live near her, so I couldn't tell whether it would be disturbing the neighborhood. I learned about this solely through my friend complaining about it at work.

Last edited by Clintone; 06-21-2012 at 07:12 AM..
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-21-2012, 08:40 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,597 posts, read 20,405,054 times
Reputation: 26348
Get the address and drop a dime to social services before he kills that girl and her kids .. I knew someone like this and none of us did anything and now she is gone and so are her boys , yes he killed them and then killed himself .. it is too late for them but not for your friend do something now before you have to live with the grief that not saying anything gives you your whole life through . there is not a minute that all of us in our group dont regret not saying anything and a few of us dont talk anymore because of it . Alot of us have had to go on meds like anxiety meds due to guilt and depression about it . It effects everyone not just the victims but the victims family and friends , please do something anything to help ..and do it now today .. before you are not able to do anything . I cannot stress this enough .
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-21-2012, 11:11 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,130 posts, read 8,898,406 times
Reputation: 11714
Yikes. Your friend could have found another female to live with off of craigslist and been in a much better situation than moving in her sister, abusive hubby, and 4 kids!

You are a good friend to be concerned about your friend, but ultimately your friend made this bad decision to let this person into her home, and ultimately your friend's sister has chosen to accept this treatment for 11 years now. There's nothing you can do and IMHO calling social services or trying to reason with your friend or her sister is likely just going to make them angry. Offer input and suggestions if asked, but otherwise I would try to stay out of it. I don't want you to get hurt by association.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-21-2012, 01:17 PM
 
13,202 posts, read 16,525,928 times
Reputation: 15589
I agree with the strawberrykiki...and I definately think your friend should find another place...of her own.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2012, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,096 posts, read 3,385,134 times
Reputation: 2394
Default Thanks for the comments

Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I agree with the strawberrykiki...and I definately think your friend should find another place...of her own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Yikes. Your friend could have found another female to live with off of craigslist and been in a much better situation than moving in her sister, abusive hubby, and 4 kids!

You are a good friend to be concerned about your friend, but ultimately your friend made this bad decision to let this person into her home, and ultimately your friend's sister has chosen to accept this treatment for 11 years now. There's nothing you can do and IMHO calling social services or trying to reason with your friend or her sister is likely just going to make them angry. Offer input and suggestions if asked, but otherwise I would try to stay out of it. I don't want you to get hurt by association.
I'm not sure my friend had a choice to do anything other than let in her sister, or go homeless. My friend probably hates her sister's husband as much, or more, than I do. She may have concerns about her sister's ability to care for four children alone, (they don't seem to be a particularly wealthy family).

My friend is smart...but she's young and doesn't seem to have her priorities in proper order very often. One thing I'm wondering is that she might be thinking My sister has four kids living with their father, who is abusive to my sister. If they're safe, I'll be safe, and if I'm not there, she'll just have to work harder.

Again though...she is smart, she's also kind of...overly reckless...routinely. I doubt she would have initially moved in with a physically violent person if she didn't have to. What I worry about, is how long she'll live there. She might call the cops soon or social services. She might...hopefully, begin attempting to find a new roommate immediately. She might, for either protectiveness of her sister...and an urge to encourage her sister to leave Mr. cockroach, or maybe some other reason, be there for awhile.

The thing about the possibility of her desiring to protect her sister...is that she weighs under 90lbs and might well have to live with the person after any potential attempt to protect her sister. Potential attempts to protect her sister that don't result in permenantly driving away of Mr. cockroach-of-a-human-being might have long term negative consequences.

I don't know a whole lot about what's going on. A couple days ago, my friend said she's living with her brother. I'm about 70% suspectful that she has no brother. If she had a brother...it would be considerably less likely that any abusive husband of her sister wouldn't have had very bad things happen to him by now. Maybe he didn't know about it either...if there is such a brother???

I won't get involved, as I don't live near my friend and couldn't drive over to her rapidly enough, or reliably enough to be of assistance, and Mr. cockroach may only be ticked off over the long term from a stranger butting in, who can't be there regularly. I asked my friend if she desired any advice, and she said yes. I told her to find a new roommate, and to tell every relative she has about her sister's abusive husband.

I did ask my friend if she desired to go to a nearby amusement park, which I would pay for, and a zoo, and a few other entertainment focused areas. That seemed to put her in a better mood...even though she declined. She seems glad to have another person worrying about her, but becomes irritated when I try to delve too deep with questions...this includes the lying about having a brother. I don't think I can trust anything she says that's positive about her roommate situation, for the time being. I don't intend to call social services unless my companion develops a suspicious bruise. I may encourage her to though.

Thanks to everyone for all your comments.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2012, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,570,002 times
Reputation: 6814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone View Post
I'm not sure my friend had a choice to do anything other than let in her sister, or go homeless. My friend probably hates her sister's husband as much, or more, than I do. She may have concerns about her sister's ability to care for four children alone, (they don't seem to be a particularly wealthy family).

My friend is smart...but she's young and doesn't seem to have her priorities in proper order very often. One thing I'm wondering is that she might be thinking My sister has four kids living with their father, who is abusive to my sister. If they're safe, I'll be safe, and if I'm not there, she'll just have to work harder.

Again though...she is smart, she's also kind of...overly reckless...routinely. I doubt she would have initially moved in with a physically violent person if she didn't have to. What I worry about, is how long she'll live there. She might call the cops soon or social services. She might...hopefully, begin attempting to find a new roommate immediately. She might, for either protectiveness of her sister...and an urge to encourage her sister to leave Mr. cockroach, or maybe some other reason, be there for awhile.

The thing about the possibility of her desiring to protect her sister...is that she weighs under 90lbs and might well have to live with the person after any potential attempt to protect her sister. Potential attempts to protect her sister that don't result in permenantly driving away of Mr. cockroach-of-a-human-being might have long term negative consequences.

I don't know a whole lot about what's going on. A couple days ago, my friend said she's living with her brother. I'm about 70% suspectful that she has no brother. If she had a brother...it would be considerably less likely that any abusive husband of her sister wouldn't have had very bad things happen to him by now. Maybe he didn't know about it either...if there is such a brother???

I won't get involved, as I don't live near my friend and couldn't drive over to her rapidly enough, or reliably enough to be of assistance, and Mr. cockroach may only be ticked off over the long term from a stranger butting in, who can't be there regularly. I asked my friend if she desired any advice, and she said yes. I told her to find a new roommate, and to tell every relative she has about her sister's abusive husband.

I did ask my friend if she desired to go to a nearby amusement park, which I would pay for, and a zoo, and a few other entertainment focused areas. That seemed to put her in a better mood...even though she declined. She seems glad to have another person worrying about her, but becomes irritated when I try to delve too deep with questions...this includes the lying about having a brother. I don't think I can trust anything she says that's positive about her roommate situation, for the time being. I don't intend to call social services unless my companion develops a suspicious bruise. I may encourage her to though.

Thanks to everyone for all your comments.
Run a freaking mile.

This Moderator cut: language problems are not yours. Never, ever trust a liar. This should be obvious but apparently it isn't I've heard it time and time again in my career as a debt collector.

If you lay down with dogs, you're going to wake up with fleas.

Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 06-24-2012 at 10:47 AM.. Reason: vulgar language prohibited by TOS
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-23-2012, 11:49 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,096 posts, read 3,385,134 times
Reputation: 2394
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
Run a freaking mile.

This Moderator cut: language problems are not yours. Never, ever trust a liar. This should be obvious but apparently it isn't I've heard it time and time again in my career as a debt collector.

If you lay down with dogs, you're going to wake up with fleas.
She's 18. She's supposed to be dumb. The only difference between her and about 50% of other young women her age...and probably 60% of young men (we get a lot smarter when we're older) is they have more than she does.

Thanks for your advice though...but you can't seriously expect someone to ignore a friend, can you? How likely would anyone be to follow your advice? She is a genuine friend, and I intend to attempt to be there for her...despite the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing

Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 06-24-2012 at 10:48 AM..
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-24-2012, 12:52 AM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,570,002 times
Reputation: 6814
How old are you? You sound a lot older than 18?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:06 PM.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top