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Four people have cut me out of their lives. Two of them eventually contacted me and explained that they were getting degrees and were too stressed to keep up the friendship but after they finished we were back to normal. One dropped out of sight but called me after three years and apologized so now we're closer than ever. The fourth remains a mystery. There things happen.
Only one person comes to mind (Other than a childhood friend who disappeared off of Myspace years ago and I have never been able to find on Facebook) I met a guy when I was 24 and I fell for him bad. He's an Aquarius, and I am a Cancer, so I should have just let the relationship go then and there. Anyways, I just smothered the poor guy because I adored him that much. I was a little taken aback at how much I liked him, compared to anyone else before him. I was a little old to be feeling those kinds of feelings that most people learn to deal with in their teens. Anyways he stopped calling/texting me and I got super depressed. I spent a few weeks texting and calling incessantly, but finally I gave up. It's funny because I have never been that overbearing, lovesick girlfriend in any relationship before or after him.
Because I am honest with things that people sometimes do not want to hear. I try to keep my mouth shut, but if someone is truly your friend, and you see them headed for disaster or pain - I think you should tactfully give your advice. I only give advice I would want to hear.
One mom friend cut me out many years ago and I was actually a bit relieved. I knew the friendship was coming to an end. The main factors:
-disagreement on parenting styles. She thought that I was selfish not throwing huge lavish birthday parties for my kids or catering to their every whim. She was extremely judgmental and critical and would make some fairly negative comments on a routine basis.
-cultural differences. Our friendship started because she didn't really have any friends in the local area. They had recently moved. I loved learning about her culture and especially eating the delicious things her mom made!! As more folks from her culture started immigrating to her area, I found myself more and more the only non Arabic speaking person in the group. It got to the point where they had a whole community after a few years. When she suddenly dropped me, I was pretty hurt. I had just donated a ton of furniture to folks who just came to the country. Then poof, I never heard from her again.
I think that we both had outgrown the mommy friendship, especially as our kids had gotten older and into different activities.
I realize this might be an unpopular topic, but we hear so much in this forum about cutting out most (or at least many) of our friends and family because of how toxic they are. We can't stand their narcissistic, immature, and hurtful behavior, and we're happier that they're gone. It seems most people here believe friendships are fake, based on manipulation and what that person can get out of you, and don't last, and even our family is that way.
But, the thing is, somebody out there is probably saying the same thing about you. So - what are some instances where your toxic behavior has caused people to stop being friends with you, or have family members cut you out of your life? Do you feel guilty about it? What have you tried to do to make amends? Was it for the better?
I've lost track of a lot of people in my life that I used to hang out with, but I can only really think of one time that somebody cut me out of their life, and that was in a dating situation where I really wasn't that interested (partially because the girl was nuts, judgmental towards others, vindictive, and played games every day) but I went along with because she liked me and I got status of having a girlfriend. I was friends with her for a long time, and during the "dating" period I kind of manipulated her into dealing with my "difficulties" at the time of not really wanting to do this. So I kind of deserved it. I feel bad for my contributions, but it's probably for the better. That being said, despite disagreements with other friends and family members occasionally, we've still got each others' back.
What about the rest of you?
Not saying that i have done nothing wrong but if friends did cut me out from their lives, its probably because they are too busy with their own lives that they can't bother to make time for me (although i do try to make the effort to sustain the friendship).
I realized this only after some time. So from then on, every time I feel like someone keeps telling me that they are busy even after I tried asking them out, I told myself that it is probably a sign that i should move on just so that i would not become too emotionally attached to them and get hurt in the end.
Also, there's one billion people on this planet. Why keep brooding over them when you have endless opportunities to meet other people that might truly appreciate you and more worth your time?
I try to keep my mouth shut, but if someone is truly your friend, and you see them headed for disaster or pain - I think you should tactfully give your advice. I only give advice I would want to hear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fellowjoe
Not saying that i have done nothing wrong but if friends did cut me out from their lives, its probably because they are too busy with their own lives that they can't bother to make time for me (although i do try to make the effort to sustain the friendship).
I realized this only after some time. So from then on, every time I feel like someone keeps telling me that they are busy even after I tried asking them out, I told myself that it is probably a sign that i should move on just so that i would not become too emotionally attached to them and get hurt in the end.
^^^Sounds similar. Seems like being helpful and generous with "who cut you out of their lives," were
really using people (me) for what they needed for that time.
Second reason, I got ill (never talked about it - but for some reason never heard from them again).
^^^Sounds similar. Seems like being helpful and generous with "who cut you out of their lives," were
really using people (me) for what they needed for that time.
Second reason, I got ill (never talked about it - but for some reason never heard from them again).
People who only asked for you when needed are not worth your time and effort. They are usually just good company to have fun with. But definitely not good friend material.
It's time to go out there and discover yourself. In the process, you might not only find those who share the same interests and goals as you but also those who appreciate you for who you are.
So - what are some instances where your toxic behavior has caused people to stop being friends with you, or have family members cut you out of your life? Do you feel guilty about it? What have you tried to do to make amends? Was it for the better?
Has not happened often. My current relationship however (a truple of three people rather than a couple of two) did cause some people to cut me out. Some of them came back. But a couple of friends never did return. They took issue with the idea of having children in such a situation - their feelings on the issue being strong enough that they essentially saw it as "child abuse". They simply decided that they could not remain friends with me/us - and reconcile that friendship with the choices we have made in our own relationship.
Sadly none of them could articulate a single cogent argument on the issue. They simply had their opinions based on emotional reactions and uninformed attitudes. And the friendships were sadly lost as a result.
Thankfully the majority of my friendships by far - have remained uneffected or even strengtened over time.
Do I feel guilty? Not in the slightest - and can think of no reason why I even might. It was entirely their choosing. Saddened however? Of course.
Thank you fellowjoe- wasn't allowed to rep you again.
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