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Old 08-28-2012, 01:59 PM
 
404 posts, read 1,046,409 times
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Luckily my girlfriend is 100% independent and doesn't live with her parents. BUT they interpret that as meaning she can help support them. She has a "good job" but she still has school loans to pay off and her own living expenses. She can't simply can't hand them a mortgage payment without impacting her own bills.

I place most of the blame on her father. He has been unemployed for over a year and has not applied for any jobs AT ALL. He lied on his unemployment by collecting business cards and filling out bogus jobs using the company and contact info on the cards. He always has an excuse saying his brother is getting him a job, a friend is trying to get him into his company, and just waiting for a handout instead of helping himself. After a year of lying, the unemployment checks stopped coming since June. Now they're scrambling for money and he hasn't done ANYTHING except make up more excuses.

Her mom is worried and now asking my girlfriend for money to cover their mortgage. She told her mom she can't afford to do it and her mom is giving her a guilt trip placing the blame on her if they can't pay the bills. I told my girlfriend the best thing she can do is apply to jobs for her father and not give ANY handouts because it will continue on and on.

I REALLY want to tell her father off and set him straight. He acts like he's king of the household but can't even pay for his own house.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:02 PM
 
35,106 posts, read 43,424,396 times
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Your girlfriend is NOT required to provide for herself AND her parents. She is grown, moved out on her own and has her own debts. I know it is hard but she has to NOT allow her Mother to guilt her into compromising her own financial security and well being to help them.

Her parents are ADULTS and it is about time they grow up and take responsibility for themselves and their own debts.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:18 PM
 
353 posts, read 820,494 times
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There are always at least two and a half sides to every story. If my parents needed money for a mortgage payment and I had it, then they'd have it- end of story. I don't care if I couldn't save for the month, if I had to give up a few extras, or whatever- it would be done. I'm sure her parents "handed" her a lot of things in life.

I think people forget who wiped their ungrateful @$% (behinds) for years. Who gave up things so you could have what you wanted and needed. Who gave birth to your big headed self. Who took care of you and gave you the resources to get to the opportunities you have today?

These attitudes I am seeing towards older parents is disgraceful. If I ever told my parents not to ask me for "handouts" I would hope that they'd slap the - out of me ....that's disgusting and cruel.

Now if I didn't have it, meaning really there was NO WAY in the world that I could have it, then ok, that's different. I would try to help in another way. Likewise, if your parents didn't raise you then that's different too.
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Florida
21,069 posts, read 21,684,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neutral View Post
There are always at least two and a half sides to every story. If my parents needed money for a mortgage payment and I had it, then they'd have it- end of story. I don't care if I couldn't save for the month, if I had to give up a few extras, or whatever- it would be done. I'm sure her parents "handed" her a lot of things in life.

I think people forget who wiped their ungrateful @$% (behinds) for years. Who gave up things so you could have what you wanted and needed. Who gave birth to your big headed self. Who took care of you and gave you the resources to get to the opportunities you have today?

These attitudes I am seeing towards older parents is disgraceful. If I ever told my parents not to ask me for "handouts" I would hope that they'd slap the - out of me ....that's disgusting and cruel.

Now if I didn't have it, meaning really there was NO WAY in the world that I could have it, then ok, that's different. I would try to help in another way. Likewise, if your parents didn't raise you then that's different too.
That's all well and good if it's just one mortgage payment.
From the OP's story, what makes you think they can make the next one(s)
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Old 08-28-2012, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,214 posts, read 8,357,393 times
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It would be one thing if the parents were making efforts to shore up their financial situation, but according to the OP, they aren't at all. I could see helping them if the father was desperately trying to find a job, the mother was trying to make some money selling stuff online or whatever. Helping someone who isn't making the effort is really just enabling them to continue their bad behavior.
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Old 08-28-2012, 03:00 PM
 
18,458 posts, read 16,154,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poloi3eai2 View Post
I place most of the blame on her father. He has been unemployed for over a year and has not applied for any jobs AT ALL. He lied on his unemployment by collecting business cards and filling out bogus jobs using the company and contact info on the cards.
Who is feeding you this information? Are you sure you are getting all sides of the story? I am always suspicious when I read highly editorialized accounts of events by someone who should not be privy to such information in the first place.
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Old 08-28-2012, 03:11 PM
 
404 posts, read 1,046,409 times
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My girlfriend already gave them a handout on Mothers Day to help cover their mortgage...and it opened the floodgates to ask for more.

Her mother works and pulls her end but she's too afraid to stand up to her husband and make him get off his ass and get a job. I would even help contribute myself if I saw her father busting his ass to try and get a job. He spends his days fishing and hanging out with his brother who taught him how to scam the unemployment system. The most effort I saw from him was going out buying lottery tickets 2 weeks ago when the jackpot was huge.
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Old 08-28-2012, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,652 posts, read 2,481,702 times
Reputation: 2416
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Who is feeding you this information? Are you sure you are getting all sides of the story? I am always suspicious when I read highly editorialized accounts of events by someone who should not be privy to such information in the first place.
???? Isn't it customary for friends to share their troubles for emotional and practical support? Do you think she hacked this woman's phone or computer for the info, then tweaked it because she's on some vendetta? Nothing she posted was extraordinary or impossibly outside the realm of possibility.

To the OP: she should protect herself from financial abuse at all costs. By the way, her father sounds quite narcissistic and full of entitlement. He'll have to get over that selfish spell and get back to work at whatever he can find. Kids are not a retirement plan. Forward this link to her. It breaks down how narcissistic parents treat their kids money and success and their resources to be commanded whenever and however they see fit.
Narcissistic Parents
Quote:
Owing to his wish to be loved he can be extorted into constant giving.

The narcissist reacts to a breach in this unwritten contract with wells of aggression and aggressive transformations: contempt, rage, emotional and psychological abuse, and even physical violence. He tries to annihilate the real "disobedient" child and substitute it with the subservient, edifying, former version.
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Old 08-29-2012, 07:59 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,148,666 times
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If the father isn't going to work, there won't be any way in the future for him to pay his mortgage and in that case they may be better off to sell the house now and find a more affordable place to live.

It's not the duty of children to pay their parent's mortgage, helping out now and then is one thing but anyone with a brain can see making one or two payments isn't going to save the house is the father isn't going to work.

The daughter might want to find out how much is still owed on the house, if she is an only child, she would likely inherit that house some day, and if she wants to keep it, she could put it in her name so she could benefit by the mortgage at IRS time and refinance it over 30 years to get the payments way down.

That would depend on how much equity they have in it, how close it is to being paid off. It's might be her inheritance at question.
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Old 08-29-2012, 09:40 AM
 
404 posts, read 1,046,409 times
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They def will not sell their house, the only way they will get rid of their house is if the bank forecloses on them. I've offered to help sell their items of value like their unused piano and unused treadmill but they refuse to. They're borderline hoarders and will not get rid of stuff.

What pisses me off about her dad is his pride behind closed doors. In public he acts very meek, but amongst his family he acts like he's king kong. Both our parents have met many times and have had dinner, during dinner her father says nothing and is usually just looking down gazing at his food. When my parents try to talk to him, he only gives short one liner answers. But once he gets home his mouth opens and he starts complaining and criticizing.

Last weekend my girlfriend was helping him apply for jobs and he was refusing to do many of the jobs. He does warehouse and janitorial work and complains about working with black people or it's not good enough for him.
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