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Old 09-13-2012, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,400,625 times
Reputation: 9353

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You don't miss what you never had. Trying to imagine myself at this point in time with no kids is heartbreaking...My kids are adults...I just got off the phone listening to one daughter vent because her sister was not visiting my dying mother in law...My job as dad was to listen to the venting of emotion...and the sibling rivalry....It's good...at least I have some sort of purpose still..At the same time if I had never had kids and had taken a more appropriate partner in life- I would be rich and comfortable - probably more successful but I would be childless...between the two it's like choosing love over money- I would still take the love.

If you do not want kids- that's fine- A human beings purpose can be more that reproduction. No one should be critical of a person who has no kids or who never wanted kids. It may happen that I will have no natural grand kids...it would be nice - but if it never happens...I can live with that.....Having kids was a great adventure...only thing that might turn some people is getting stuck with MR. Wrong or Ms..NOT quite right for 20 years....I can see why some women want to raise kids on their own...Having kids is easy-having the right spouse is more difficult.
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Old 09-14-2012, 02:44 AM
 
Location: Windham County, VT
10,773 posts, read 5,390,858 times
Reputation: 21674
This is my first time using "multi-quote" function, hope I can figure it out properly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
On the plus side though I find quite a few men find my lack of interest in children quite a bonus !
That's what I'm hoping to be appreciated for (rather than being thought of "second-best" compared to mothers)-still working on how to meet men who share that mindset...(yes, I joined dating site specifically for this demographic-few members, none geographically near & I won't move). Sorry, drifted off-topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
That knowing yourself enough to know you are not parent material is a good thing not a defect. I have no patience, get bored really easily, hate mess, am a control freak and I know if I had children it would be a disaster.
Exactly. I'd be miserable, as would be my offspring & possible spouse/co-parent. I just don't like kids.

Generally, I try to be realistic about my limitations/shortcomings. I avoid making commitments unless I genuinely expect to follow through (that includes procreation) & I do not engage in activities that I cannot navigate safely (same reason as to why I don't drive).
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie View Post
Child-rearing is such an expected part of our experience - people have a really hard time believing that someone would choose and be happy without children.
I'm grateful that I've had enough self-awareness to remain childfree, instead of being oblivious to my feelings & having children anyway.
That is *not* a dig at anyone else's choice/life-path. My opinion is solely about what is appropriate for me, individually.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:06 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,610 posts, read 36,305,567 times
Reputation: 17385
I've never wanted children. And I think that perhaps it's because as a child, I loved nature so much that I didn't want to add to the human population on earth. I think it selfish of people to want to reproduce as if they could only love their own progeny.

And over the years, I do meet many who are shocked that I didn't have children. But the reaction is mostly from those born in other countries. And I take it as a compliment that they think that I should have been a mother. And yes, I do believe that I would have had great kids... very smart and cool. But right now, the human population is at 7 billion... so I know that I made the right decision to be child-free.
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Old 09-14-2012, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Colorado
4,308 posts, read 12,305,433 times
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So funny: I just had this conversation with my therapist last night. I was recently told I'm about to hit menopause so she was wondering if this was traumatic or distressing news at all since it meant my chance to procreate was rapidly circling the bowl. I was able to tell her, hand on my heart, that not only was it not bad news, I hadn't felt the so-called maternal instinct since I was 14 years old. For some of us, it just doesn't happen. My girlfriends all have children and I'm very happy for them, but I don't miss it for myself. Sure, there won't be anybody at my funeral to weep, but let's face it, I wouldn't exactly be aware of that anyway.
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:29 PM
 
4,975 posts, read 5,301,269 times
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I used to get that too. Now, I don't get it so much about not having kids. I get it when I tell people I don't own a cell phone. The looks are amazing. hahahaha!!
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Windham County, VT
10,773 posts, read 5,390,858 times
Reputation: 21674
Quote:
Originally Posted by chilaili View Post
I was recently told I'm about to hit menopause so she was wondering if this was traumatic or distressing news at all since it meant my chance to procreate was rapidly circling the bowl.
I'm 39, and menopause may not be far off, but I'll be relieved to released from fertility. For reals. Only "biological clock" I've experienced concerns mortality. I've zero desire to produce descendents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Now, I don't get it so much about not having kids. I get it when I tell people I don't own a cell phone.
Am I veering too far off-topic to say "same for me" ? A landline (non-"smart") phone actually suits me just fine
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:13 AM
 
Location: State Fire and Ice
3,111 posts, read 4,859,791 times
Reputation: 853
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHitman View Post
I was talking to a guy that I have known for over 10 years( not as friends more so as casual acquantances)now and he showed me pictures of his 9 and 3 year old children. He said, Tony, I have 9 children. I said WOW!!! He said, man I wanted 10.

Funny thing is, I have never once seen him with any of his children over the last 10 years in which I have known him.

He said, Tony, how many do you have? I said, none. If you could have seen the look on his face. Deer in lights comes to mind. He had to regain himself. It was like he was in shock.

He said, WHAT? You mean to tell me you don't have any? I said, yes. I never wanted any. He couldn't believe it. He said, Tony, how old are you? I said 39.


He was floored. He could not believe it.


What gives. He's not the only person that has responded to me like that. I don't get it.



Tony,
TheHitman
Each has its purpose. He had apparently this is a big happy family. Of course then he dreamed about this since the childhood. for him it is not natural. I think the purpose of a large family that's great! I think she had appeared at the 2-m reasons. 1-he had a very small family or even her there. 2 he had a large family. Though maybe he just likes children. Since my childhood I didn't know love children or not. but there's nephews and I also want to be. Although I had them for my father and my father (their grandfather) they, too, for the father. I know that children like the little girl and boy. Do you think that it is abnormal? Not at all, he is a normal person, but with the other goals. And this is the best of all.
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
2,379 posts, read 5,558,944 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
On the plus side though I find quite a few men find my lack of interest in children quite a bonus ! Once I tell them I loathe shopping, was never interested in getting married,have no interest in Babies, hate talking on the phone, and love vintage cars my levels of Sexiness seem to increase tenfold ! If only I had an interest in spectator sports I would be "Empress of the Universe" !

One of Hubby's friend and colleague looked at me once as if I was the perfect woman on the planet ! He seemed in awe of me especially as his wife loved all of the above. It's a good way to a man's heart quite often !

Seriously though, I think people need to get a life and accept that being a parent is something someone should take very seriously and think long and hard about. That knowing yourself enough to know you are not parent material is a good thing not a defect. I have no patience, get bored really easily, hate mess, am a control freak and I know if I had children it would be a disaster.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F View Post
Are we sisters? I HATE shopping, never wanted to get married (and didn't until I was 39), was born without a biological clock, and get irrationally irritated when the phone rings. I have zero interest in shoes. Vintage cars are cool, but I've never taken an active interest in them. However, I was a HUGE hockey fan, and still love the game. I've always called myself the anti-girl.

I also married the anti-guy. He has absolutely no interest in sports, cars, or hunting. Not a macho bone in his body.

We're perfect for each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie View Post
Uh oh, we've spotted a trend - add me to the list. I'm sort of afraid to find out how many other things we have in common My husband does have an interest in cars and was a soldier (sort of a pacifist soldier - a-typical lol) but I'm thrilled that he isn't a sports or weapons fiend. Even if he did, though, we'd both have time to explore our own interests independent of each other anyway - it's the no kids thing that's the biggie.

Not red but brown with lots of auburn highlights (natural)...green/blue eyes...short

Has the OP been back?
I'm another one! I hate shopping, only have 3 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of tennis, dress and sandals, and I'll wear them until they are falling apart, I don't even like diamonds. I also married a man who isn't into sports. I'm considered one of the guys and enjoy it. I also don't want kids and find myself just avoiding the topic with strangers, although my few friends agree that I am without a maternal instinct and so shouldn't have kids.
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Old 09-18-2012, 02:03 AM
 
8,377 posts, read 11,650,453 times
Reputation: 7985
I'm surprised none of you get accused of being gay.
A single woman or man with no kids= gay to some people.
I don't no why.
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Old 09-18-2012, 07:56 AM
 
15,803 posts, read 10,012,322 times
Reputation: 68461
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I'm surprised none of you get accused of being gay.
A single woman or man with no kids= gay to some people.
I don't no why.
Several of us are married to men, not single, so that might be why - although I've known people who were married with or without kids where people wondered about one or the other of them being gay anyway. I think you're right that some people would make that connection. Funny, I wonder if more people think being gay is unnatural or that a man/woman not wanting children is unnatural?

Molochai, count me as another who is not into diamonds!
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