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Old 09-11-2012, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Soon To Be Philly
220 posts, read 418,867 times
Reputation: 228

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I was talking to a guy that I have known for over 10 years( not as friends more so as casual acquantances)now and he showed me pictures of his 9 and 3 year old children. He said, Tony, I have 9 children. I said WOW!!! He said, man I wanted 10.

Funny thing is, I have never once seen him with any of his children over the last 10 years in which I have known him.

He said, Tony, how many do you have? I said, none. If you could have seen the look on his face. Deer in lights comes to mind. He had to regain himself. It was like he was in shock.

He said, WHAT? You mean to tell me you don't have any? I said, yes. I never wanted any. He couldn't believe it. He said, Tony, how old are you? I said 39.


He was floored. He could not believe it.


What gives. He's not the only person that has responded to me like that. I don't get it.



Tony,
TheHitman
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:29 AM
 
6,493 posts, read 10,522,180 times
Reputation: 11000
Some people are just slaves to the script. It's very common. I've had the same reaction many times.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:14 AM
 
18,547 posts, read 16,266,339 times
Reputation: 42201
You have known this guy for 10 years and he was unaware that you didn't have a family? That would seem like a pretty central piece of information about someone. Wife, kids, etc. He sounds like a moron.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,178 posts, read 17,085,246 times
Reputation: 49804
Some people don't understand the desire to have kids and some people don't understand the desire NOT to have kids.

Why is he wrong and you right?
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:36 AM
 
13,311 posts, read 16,619,386 times
Reputation: 15824
Tony,I'd be very impressed with your friend if I knew that he was supporting all his children, yet I wonder about that since you've never met any of them
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:40 AM
 
35,106 posts, read 43,630,173 times
Reputation: 62268
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
Some people don't understand the desire to have kids and some people don't understand the desire NOT to have kids.

Why is he wrong and you right?

No one is right or wrong in this situation. It is an individual choice to have children or not. The friend I believe was surprised that Tony wants no children at all since having children is society's definition of following the normal sequence of events in one's life. Birth, grow up, education, job, dating, marriage, children, grandchildren, death. I have a few friends who do not have children either because they do not want children or they were never able to concieve but accepted that fact and moved forward in their lives and she is a retired 2nd grade school teacher and taught 2nd grade at the same school for 35 years. They both love children it just was not for them to have one of their own naturally without fertility treatments and all that goes with that.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:46 AM
 
13,510 posts, read 15,425,765 times
Reputation: 37885
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHitman View Post
I was talking to a guy that I have known for over 10 years( not as friends more so as casual acquantances)now and he showed me pictures of his 9 and 3 year old children. He said, Tony, I have 9 children. I said WOW!!! He said, man I wanted 10.

Funny thing is, I have never once seen him with any of his children over the last 10 years in which I have known him.

He said, Tony, how many do you have? I said, none. If you could have seen the look on his face. Deer in lights comes to mind. He had to regain himself. It was like he was in shock.

He said, WHAT? You mean to tell me you don't have any? I said, yes. I never wanted any. He couldn't believe it. He said, Tony, how old are you? I said 39.

He was floored. He could not believe it.

What gives. He's not the only person that has responded to me like that. I don't get it.


Tony,
TheHitman
Are you sure he wasn't just returning the "deer in the headlights" look you gave him when he said he had nine, and wanted ten! I can't believe that you didn't at least raise your eyebrows more than a little when he came forth with that remark.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:46 AM
 
15,803 posts, read 10,003,822 times
Reputation: 68461
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHitman View Post
He was floored. He could not believe it. What gives. He's not the only person that has responded to me like that. I don't get it.
Now imagine being a woman and saying you never wanted kids. It creates an exponentially more extreme reaction. I'm surprised you got to 39 without ever confronting that attitude. People feel free to get very nosy and judgmental about what other people choose to do with their own sperm or uterus. Not just online where opinion-sharing is the norm - but unsolicited and in person.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:59 AM
 
5,660 posts, read 4,593,295 times
Reputation: 5619
I believe it's all down to choice. Much better to not have children if it isn't what you want. Kids aren't for everyone by any means, including some of those that have them..

The BIG three

1. Politics
2. Religion
3. Children

Other peoples opinions are always much more important than your own.
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 22,725,149 times
Reputation: 20059
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie View Post
Now imagine being a woman and saying you never wanted kids. It creates an exponentially more extreme reaction. I'm surprised you got to 39 without ever confronting that attitude. People feel free to get very nosy and judgmental about what other people choose to do with their own sperm or uterus. Not just online where opinion-sharing is the norm - but unsolicited and in person.
I concur ! I am 44 , female and have never wanted children. The abuse you get from people is quite extraordinary even in 2012. I have been called "un-natural", a "selfish b.i.t.c.h" and once "evil" which was my personal favourite. Having no maternal instinct whatsoever I cannot comprehend why people assume that EVERYONE loves kids and wants to have them. Some people love kids, others do not. I am not quite sure what is so difficult a concept for people to grasp ( when I say people I mean women as I have never had an adverse reaction from men yet... ).

I do not wish to procreate and know that I would make a terrible parent because children do tend to bore me, I find them dirty, smelly,messy and on the whole tedious to be around. There are exceptions but they are few and far between. I personally don't understand why people want kids but I don't go around treating them as if they were planet polluting , population disaster fiends. I accept it is a choice and that though it is not for me some people are entitled to a different opinion.

Kids should be loved, and wanted 100% and it pains me that so many people seem to have children more as a the result of a social expectation than true desire or by accident even. I believe children should be cherished, respected and cared for and sadly too many parents fail on all counts. They deserve better than to have parents who are not good enough and do not genuinely get involved in raising them ( and yes I do know a lot of deficient parents). A kid is not a toy, an accessory, nor is it there to make you feel better about yourslef, look after you in old age or carry down your genes ( all reasons which seem quite common with parents one way or another).


Being a woman who does not want children and does not coo over babies is still considered a moral and mental defect and I wish people would realise that knowing yourself and your limitations is much better in the long run. I am honest with myself and others and refuse to be blackmailed socially into having children.

Pass.

Puppies however... Now that it a different story. Puppies I can coo over quite easily !
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