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Hi DomRep, the way I see it is: if your friend figures he needs to move, and needs a girl who "can keep up with him", then that's what he should do...you might or might not have done it differently,and it might have been easier (or better) , but there's really no way of knowing that...I figure if he thinks he should move and give up his girlfriend then he really isn't into building a solid relationship with her anyways...if he really loved her there would always be a way they could be together.
He asked her to go with him, or he was willing to do a long-distance relationship. She didn't go for either of those options, so I guess she didn't see him as "the one" (as if there WERE only "one"!).
And now the OP says the guy seems to be doing fine. So I guess he didn't see her as "the one" either.
Guess they weren't as totally in love as they seemed?
Last edited by karen_in_nh_2012; 10-19-2012 at 11:22 AM..
From his point of view, the long-distance thing was evidently a deal-breaker and I can sympathise. But I really would love to know what his response would've been if the situation were reversed? Would he have happily trailed along behind her, trying to "keep up" as she went off to grad school?
Well, if he was willing to do a long distance relationship and she didn't want to, I would really see her as the one who was doing the breaking up. Long distance relationships aren't easy, but we're talking, what 2 years? I can understand her not wanting to move and even not wanting to do a LDR. I can also see him wanting to go to that particular school vs. local ones. IMO, the fact they couldn't come to a compromise that worked for both of them didn't bode well for marriage and I think it's good they found out sooner, rather than later.
This sums up much of my reaction to the situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep
It's what he told me. He said something to the effect that he needs someone who can keep up with him, willing to be flexible.
It sounds like his definition of flexible is that she should always bend to his will. I suspect they'll both be fine and will make a more suitable love match soon enough. There's more than one out there for most people.
I couldn't put together a correct title, I may change it later. Background story, a good friend of mine, one I consider a brother of mine, met this girl last year. They have been dating a year, they have taken a trip to Hawaii, my boy met her parents and spent a lot of time with them. They were both in love with each other.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, he does extremely well (98th percentile or something) on his GMAT, and he wants to go away to business school. Long story short, she doesn't want move away with him, while he feels like he needs to move forward with his life, thinking big picture, thinking that in the long run, they will be better off based on the decision or decisions he is making. I guess she didn't see it that way, she kept talking about (and who wouldn't, it's something that will arguably change their lives) and he broke it off with her. His reasoning is that he needs someone that can keep up with him, and I think that maybe he felt she was holding him down.
Either way...I consider this guy a great friend of mine, I kinda want to pick his brain to see where his head is at. I support him, but at the same time, I wonder if he might regret it later. He wanted to do the long distance relationship thing, but she didn't want to try it. IDK, I don't want to get involved, it's the last thing I want to do, but there's two great business schools in the area, he could have stayed local, kept his job, kept his girlfriend....
Curious to hear the boards thoughts on this. I am in a similar boat with my girlfriend. I barely see her during the week b/c we both work and she goes to grad school. Short term it hurts, but I see the big picture, and maybe my boy's girlfriend didn't see it that way. Who knows...
Edit: Thinking about it a little more, it looks like he chose his career over his girlfriend. Whether that's right or wrong, it's subjective IMO. He seems to be holding up.
Women who give up everything for the man can bring emptiness to her in the long run. The man moves up in his career, gets his dream job and leave the wife/partner behind! I rather have a satisfying relationship than amazing career, but I am probably much older than your friend and I have much experience. I've been in two very long-term relationships! I need freedom in my relationships, so I like to keep my old apartment and have never lived with a man full-time and don't plan on it. Is that wierd? LOL, I am for sure a minority in that sense. I think your friend will find the right girl one day or he may regret it. That is the lesson he will learn one day. But if he is inlove he will move the stars and the earth to be with her somehow! Compromise is the truest expression of love. They will learn that one day. Maybe not from each other. Good luck.
've been in two very long-term relationships! I need freedom in my relationships, so I like to keep my old apartment and have never lived with a man full-time and don't plan on it. Is that wierd?
No, it's not. I've been married and I've lived with men full-time, and now I think like you. Come sit by me. Great minds think alike.
No, it's not. I've been married and I've lived with men full-time, and now I think like you. Come sit by me. Great minds think alike.
yes yes yes. we need women like you who can stand up and speak. I am 30% of the time at my old apartment, for me its enough. I have my old records, TV, favority books...oh its divine. Doesn't mean at all that I don't love my partner to bits! In fact, I love him more when I am away. I heard that Helena Bonham Carter and her husband live in separate homes. Oh, only us wierdos get it.
He seems selfish and short-sighted to me. Then again, when I was younger, I would have done the same. But at 29, I've lost track of the men and women my age and older who met someone in their twenties who end up telling someone (usually me if they know me) of how they met someone special in their twenties and let them go.
I'd bet my Louis Vuitton handbag collection that he will be crying into a shot of whiskey and whining about how he is single at 35, with no kids, living alone in a house/apartment and miserable.
Last May I met a man now 34 who is in this very same situation. Met the perfect woman at 25, but she didn't want to move but he did. He broke up with her. Now at 34, he makes good money but lives alone in his beach house, and is very sad and unhappy about what he has accumulated because he has no woman and no children to share it with.
It is not everyday in your life you will find someone special. A career is just a job that you might actually want to do, and not worth sacrificing someone special for. He could have gone to business school anywhere.
From experience, I can tell you, he will regret this later. I've lost track of the men and women who have done the same...and regretted it.
That one man's situation and reaction to it is not written program for every guy who might do the same thing. Your post seems to reflect the wishful thinking of a woman who has been let go by a guy because he put his career first. Well I tell you what, personally I'd rather be single and well off then struggling to support a family. This guy is not a loser, he has different priorities then she does. That's all there is to it, if she doesn't like it then she should find another guy to put that's going to put her first. No need for vitriol and bitterness.
yes yes yes. we need women like you who can stand up and speak. I am 30% of the time at my old apartment, for me its enough. I have my old records, TV, favority books...oh its divine. Doesn't mean at all that I don't love my partner to bits! In fact, I love him more when I am away. I heard that Helena Bonham Carter and her husband live in separate homes. Oh, only us wierdos get it.
That's pretty much how my husband and I are the past few years. It's a change but it works for us - might not for everyone.
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I need freedom in my relationships, so I like to keep my old apartment and have never lived with a man full-time and don't plan on it. Is that wierd? LOL, I am for sure a minority in that sense. I think your friend will find the right girl one day or he may regret it. That is the lesson he will learn one day. But if he is inlove he will move the stars and the earth to be with her somehow! Compromise is the truest expression of love. They will learn that one day. Maybe not from each other. Good luck.
. I am 30% of the time at my old apartment, for me its enough. I have my old records, TV, favority books...oh its divine. Doesn't mean at all that I don't love my partner to bits! In fact, I love him more when I am away. I heard that Helena Bonham Carter and her husband live in separate homes. Oh, only us wierdos get it.
This guy is not a loser, he has different priorities then she does. That's all there is to it, if she doesn't like it then she should find another guy to put that's going to put her first. No need for vitriol and bitterness.
