Anyone like being alone or find other people annoying? (member, conversation, business)

[nightbird47]

I was going to stay home tonight, for Thanksgiving, but ended up going to a relatives house for an informal dinner. It was okay but I started getting on edge soon after food. I felt sooo tired and ended up going home a bit later.

It occured to me that some of the 'tired' was not physical, but just feeling drained. I felt sucked dry when I got home. I feel so good that its over. I always feel very tired when I get home from going somewhere, and suspect a lot of that is the discomfort.

Even when I get home from something I really enjoy, I feel drained dry.

[mikeyking]

I just get sick of childish petty little drama queens trying to turn every conversation into an opportunity to get offended, or are full of passive aggression, insults, general nastiness and dirty looks.

There just too painful to deal with, any conversation them is a minefield and not worth the hassle - Keep the conversation dull, civil, give them no information and distrust at all times - Treat like a co-worker.

Maybe its just giving up, and its better to be social and just deal with the fighting etc.

[elyn02]

Originally Posted by mikeyking

I just get sick of childish petty little drama queens trying to turn every conversation into an opportunity to get offended, or are full of passive aggression, insults, general nastiness and dirty looks.

There just too painful to deal with, any conversation them is a minefield and not worth the hassle - Keep the conversation dull, civil, give them no information and distrust at all times - Treat like a co-worker.

Maybe its just giving up, and its better to be social and just deal with the fighting etc.

Dealing with people is not easy. I never set myself up so that what I want is what I must start with, e.g. a deep and meaningful relationship. Instead, I make it my goal with another person.

[nighthouse66]

i agree with the OP for the most part. i think alot of people consider introverts to be shy, or awkward, and i am not like that at all. i actually enjoy socializing, but i seem to enjoy it MORE the less that i do it. i can enjoy people more if i deal with them in small doses.

i used to just think i was weird, too deep, etc., but then i realized that most people are kind of uncomfortable in the depths. and i find THAT weird. i don't know how many times i have been at parties or something and an interesting conversation will FINALLY take hold and people kind of drift off. if it isn't about banal things- their children, sports teams, cars, clothes- people don't often engage.

i liken it alot to music. some people just want an airy jingle-jangle as the background to their lives. they are quite happy with whatever's on the radio, they don't dig for lost sounds, they don't dig AT ALL, and the idea of making a mix or making new discoveries doesn't occur to them. some people are like that with life.

if you want to go deep, have interesting experiences, be in control of your own kinds of fun, being alone is where its at. i love going on walks or little trips on my own, under my own power so to speak, where i can decide to meander as i see fit. i love walking along listening to music, finding some new street to go down, in my own world and quite happy with it. the idea of taking walks with other people is just like- why? why would i do that? i especially hate hiking with others. they just want to talk. nothing annoys me faster than being in nature and seeing two people ahead of me gabbing away like they have a table at starbucks. i don't understand. you miss the sounds of the birds, you scare away animals you might have encountered, you completely miss the ****ing point of being in nature. this isn't your cafeteria at work, people.

yeah, i guess i am a misanthrope, but i really enjoy being alone. i get loads more done, i have more fun, and if i get lonely i have a cat. also, i do have lots of friends, i don't know how they put up with me : )

[nighthouse66]

Originally Posted by nightbird47

I had a bit of a revelation last night. I was planning another big kitchen cleanup and had downloaded some nice pagan/celtic folk music to accompany it. And one of the speakers quit. I must have spend two hours trying to figure out why. I'm very methodical about that but when I was done, even if it didn't make complete sense yet, I had two speakers working. But I thought to myself that maybe I'd have been happier as a kid as boy, since I think like my dad who was an engineer, and was both surprised and pleased that his young daughter both asked about and wanted to know how tv and raido worked. I've always been fascinated by how things work. When I was a kid it was assumed girls weren't interested. But those were two really happy hours. Me and a problem to solve and methodical, impersonal steps to follow. I love those moments when I can really throw myself at a problem to fix.

I've never been the life of the party, but I used to be more 'social'. I think others are right about at least some people today. Just because we can share all the intimate details of life with a hundreds of 'friends' all day doesn't mean we need to. I myself don't really care. Give me a real topic and I'll talk for a long time. If its something stupid, then... er, my mind is just hearing noise. So I'd rather not be there.

I think the big key for me in the intenisty of a subject. I need involvement and equal fascination. I don't have many 'personal' conversations, but love good ones about things of interest. I'm not rude to people but when I speak to the clerk its politeness. I could be fine if they ignored me. I don't and won't seek out 'surface' talk.

My big dream would be to meet someone who was loner oriented but shared interests who could be there when both of us were in the mood. It would be even more neat to find a project of equal fascination, and maybe learn how other things work along the way. I think the way I relate to people is indirectly, *through* 'things' and ideas and deep inside I am my own island.

i had to comment on this- its funny, because i have always been an artist, but when i was a child i was absolutely mad for taking things apart. i had a shortwave radio i took apart a dozen times. took apart tvs, calculators, my dad's cb- and put em back together again, thankfully.

but i always considered myself the non-math type, happier with the humanities and art and that sort of thing. but this year i decided to study electronics, as i would like to build my own instruments. that was my only aspiration. now i have completed my first semester and got a's in all my classes. and i have decided to become an engineer. i've already talked to the head of the dept. at my school on how to plan my education, i'm also a female- hello scholarships.

my point is, is that i am really enjoying being the person i am studying a subject like this. there is something about all those immutable laws that i find wildly fascinating. and i realize that building circuits is a great job for someone like me- introverted, detailed, organized, creative. you might find out that you would hit on the same idea. electronics class is the most fun i have ever had with my clothes on. and it appeals, as i said, to my particular misanthropy. not to get off topic, but it really is a good field for people like us.

[KAILANI]

I agree with this subject and what posts I have read so far..

I love being alone, (or just with my husband when we go hiking).

I LOVE watching my dogs play, or when they snuggle up to me while I'm on my laptop in bed.

I had a very busy shift as a evening shift nurse in a busy ward. I can't believe how much chit chat some people needed to get through the night....And the drama.....
I just like to sit and think, look up stuff, do my work, whatever.. I don't want to know everyones whole "story"...

I just transfered to a graveyard position. I LOVE how they leave me alone. There is not much talking going on. We do have small conversations but not annoyingly all nighters!

[goodlife36]

I have to say I like being alone more than the average person. People can be overwhelming.

[KAILANI]

In the 1940s, Abraham Maslow published his theory on what he called the hierarchy of needs. At the top of this pyramid is self-actualization. He defined this need for self-actualization as “what a man can be, he must be.” Stated another way, it is the desire for self fulfillment or to become everything that one is capable of becoming.

[LEFT]So how do you know if you are reaching the state of self-actualization and what are some of the characteristics of a self-actualized person? Maslow identified the following key characteristics of self-actualized people:[/LEFT]

Problem-centered: Self-actualized individuals focus on solving problems outside of themselves. They are motivated by ethics and a strong sense of personal responsibility to help others and to discover solutions to problems in the external world.

Spontaneous: A self-actualized person has spontaneity in their internal thoughts and outward actions. They have a tendency to be open and somewhat unconventional while still having the ability to conform to rules and society’s expectations.

Accepting and Realistic: Those who are self-actualized have realistic perceptions of the world, other people and of themselves and find acceptance in them.

*Autonomous and Private: Self-actualized individuals have a need for independence and solitude. Of course they enjoy the company of others, but they need and value the time to develop their own potential.

Enjoy Peak Experiences: People who are self-actualized frequently have moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy or what Maslow defined as peak experiences. Following these experiences, self-actualized people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.

Continuously Appreciate: The other characteristic of self-actualized people is their tendency to view the world with a continual sense of gratitude, appreciation, wonder and awe. The simplest experiences inspire them and offer a sense of pleasure

(I found this and cut/pasted it) Learned about this during college years ago and was happy that I have many of these traits!

[signalfire]

I once had a supervisor tell me in a moment of actual honesty, "I can't stand being alone"; I bit my tongue but wanted to respond, "I know what you mean, I can't stand being around you either...".

She was a mean one, her emotional level was stuck at junior high school (I'm sure she was one of the mean girls), and she was capable of stabbing you in the back and expecting you to eat lunch with her every day, all within minutes of each other.

It's amazing that so many jobs require more effort in the 'other people' department compared to the 'just let me do my job' part.

I much prefer my own company to almost everyone I've ever met. I can count good friends on two hands, and they are intermittent contacts. Most people are superficial, extroverted (meaning emotional parasites at some level) and used to being 'entertained' rather than finding something meaningful to do with their time. Finding someone with the intellectual firepower to be an interesting companion, as well as mature, sane, and kind enough to want to spend time with, has been the holy grail of my life. At 60, I'm still trying. At this point, I'm figuring it won't happen in this lifetime, maybe the next; but that's okay if it works out that way. My best friends are in the library, on line and memories.

[mikeyking]

Originally Posted by KAILANI

I agree with this subject and what posts I have read so far..

I love being alone, (or just with my husband when we go hiking).

I LOVE watching my dogs play, or when they snuggle up to me while I'm on my laptop in bed.

I had a very busy shift as a evening shift nurse in a busy ward. I can't believe how much chit chat some people needed to get through the night....And the drama.....
I just like to sit and think, look up stuff, do my work, whatever.. I don't want to know everyones whole "story"...

I just transfered to a graveyard position. I LOVE how they leave me alone. There is not much talking going on. We do have small conversations but not annoyingly all nighters!

As I say I don't mind socializing with some purpose - work, a sport, social event were there is some purpose so much socializing is just pointless.

The other thing there are many passive aggressive, subtly abusive types any prolonged contact with them gives them an opportunity to abuse, suck you into some drama, manipulate, or they take offence at something you say - the less options you give them the better.

I like to have goals, and work quietly toward these, focus on the important things - most people are too much drama and stress for me.