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Old 10-22-2012, 03:33 PM
 
15 posts, read 39,621 times
Reputation: 27

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i m 20 years old from france , i go to school in CA. i was suffering from eating disorder and depression for 5 years. it's been 5 month that i recovered from my ED. My mom used to tell me hurtful word since i was young. my parents are divorced and i live only with my mom . My father never talk with me and he live in other country. My mom is very mean with me. Me and my mom we talk on skype coz i live in CA and i go to school full time. Yesterday i lost my eye contact and i asked her to send me new one. she started screaming on me, telling me to go **** men and get money from them to buy eye contact. she called me **** and she told me that i dont wanna wear glass because i wanna men look at me. She told me to go kill myself. she told me that i dnt talk with her everyday on skype cause i **** men. She is killing me inside. i feel nothing now and i just relapse on binging purging. i feel so alone. Why she need to tell me all this word. she could just refuse to buy me and send me new eye contact.


sorry for the grammar, i m crying right now. Her words hut me so much
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,273,802 times
Reputation: 9336
Divorce can be a killer- I had a sister in law with an eating disorder...Her parents separated when she was 13...very unfair...eventually they found her at 24 years old- dead in her bed...The disorder caused her heart to stop....Your mother sounds like she is very very depressed and very guilty...She loves you but she is using YOU to hurt herself....if you know what I mean- she is actually killing herself..by hurting what she loves- It's a sad situation- forgive her and carry on...You mother is unhappy....sounds like she has regrets and bitterness...

In the mean time do not return to your old habits- when you feel stressed and weak...go out and talk to people....talk to old folks- to children..to who ever you can find...as for your mothers silly comments- THEY MEAN NOTHING....do not pay attention to them- be strong.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:55 PM
 
12,576 posts, read 13,836,488 times
Reputation: 8915
Cut the cord OP and let your mom know her words are tearing you apart. If she doesn't change her ways it will be necessary to walk away from the source of your abuse.
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Old 10-22-2012, 04:03 PM
 
14,174 posts, read 14,846,840 times
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I have found half the time (if not more) that it's the families of people with eating disorders who are a huge part of the problem. What are your plans for after you graduate? Because, really, I think it's time to start building a life apart from your mother. Build a support system that doesn't include her and phase her out of your life as much as possible. Keep her at a polite distance. And when she says hurtful things, chalk it up to the ravings of a crazy person. Try not to look to her for love and support.

Join as many groups as you can at school to build out your social circle. Use the campus counseling services. Keep the drinking to a minimum. If you are heading back to France after you graduate, hit facebook and tend to the foundations of your relationships and friendships back there to make sure you have people looking forward to when you return.

Build your own family and scale back your mother's role. You made a decision to get better when you tackled your eating disorder. She is perfectly capable of making the decision to tackle her own issues. Don't expect to have a good relationship with her until she does exactly that.

Please don't let a crazy person derail your own recovery - you sound like you made huge strides. Don't let her tear you down.
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Old 10-22-2012, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,847 posts, read 47,130,451 times
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Elina, I am sorry. That is horrible.

When our parents hurt us, it's the worst. But they are human too, and she is not allowed to treat you this way.

You should distance yourself from your mother. You do no have to take that kind of talk from anyone.

I have to ask ... is she paying for your schooling?
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:35 PM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,919,477 times
Reputation: 16201
I am sorry that your mother is being mean to you OP. I think I would maybe limit the times I talk to her on Skype, maybe talk to her less often. I also think if you have the money you should buy your contacts yourself and not ask her for anything.
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:02 AM
 
15 posts, read 39,621 times
Reputation: 27
yes she does
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:20 AM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,616 posts, read 12,198,956 times
Reputation: 6624
You're 20. Your mom's unfortunately been no help for some time so tell her to stick it and stop talking to her.
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Old 10-23-2012, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,273,802 times
Reputation: 9336
Quote:
Originally Posted by fight night View Post
thats not nice ok i wud never do that to my mom she gave brith to me
All people have their short comings and defects. Some to a greater degree than others.. You can not cut your mother out of your life no matter what..."My mom is mentally killing me"- give me a break- You know what is going on- You are mentally killing yourself...You are a grown woman- You are in control- stop blaming the crazy lady...Tolerate her and control your own life...It's time you took responsibility for yourself and stop blaming what you know is a pitiful person- Your mother is weak...You should not follow her example- be strong.
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Old 10-23-2012, 06:52 AM
 
7,100 posts, read 25,120,329 times
Reputation: 7346
It sounds as if she thinks you are old enough to handle things for yourself, but she hates to cut the mother/daughter ties.

You are old enough to work and earn enough to buy glasses. I think it's time that you tried to quit expecting her to be responsible for you. There are a lot of people that work and go to school too. It's hard, but it can be done.

As for your eating disorder, You are the one that has to control it. Don't use your anger at your mother as an excuse. She's may be the reason you want to binge, but you are the one that shoves the food in your mouth. I know it can be bad, but she can't help you with it.
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