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Old 12-17-2012, 09:59 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,691 posts, read 3,586,367 times
Reputation: 3557

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I recently started an account on Facebook for various reasons. I now find myself "stalking" others from my high school class (and to a much lesser extent, my college class) to see what they are doing. I don't "friend" them, because these are people that I don't know very well. I'm just curious. These are people I haven't thought about in years! I will probably never "friend" them, because I was very shy in high school and they won't even know who I am!

What depresses me is how well everyone is doing! Not that I mind that, I'm happy for them, but everything is daisies and kittens and sunshine! They love their jobs, and they have many wonderful children!

Now I am aware that this may just be a front for what is really going on in their lives. Obviously, if they are having marital problems or their children are troublemakers they won't admit that.

But they are always going on about how happy they are! They make lots of money! Their families are wonderful!

They are doctors or lawyers or run successful businesses!

Some people from my high school class don't have Facebook pages. I wonder why? Are they not successful enough?

It makes me feel like such a failure, both professionally and personally.

A good thing is that reading these Facebook pages has made me make profound changes in my life.

I am happily married (I just got married last year for the first time!) I have a wonderful step-daughter and mother-in-law. I don't know if I would have taken the plunge if it wasn't for Facebook. My husband and I lived together for years, but I finally wanted that "commitment." After all, we plan to stay together forever.

I am starting a business, but because of health problems it's taking a lot of time. I also have very little money, due to very stupid decisions that I have made in the past.

I hope to make my business into a very successful one, but it will take a year or two. I am finally going to use my college degree doing something that I love!

Do you ever feel like you've failed because of what you read on Facebook?
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA —> North Carolina in October
24,689 posts, read 35,172,796 times
Reputation: 34581
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewJerseyMemories View Post
I recently started an account on Facebook for various reasons. I now find myself "stalking" others from my high school class (and to a much lesser extent, my college class) to see what they are doing. I don't "friend" them, because these are people that I don't know very well. I'm just curious. These are people I haven't thought about in years! I will probably never "friend" them, because I was very shy in high school and they won't even know who I am!

What depresses me is how well everyone is doing! Not that I mind that, I'm happy for them, but everything is daisies and kittens and sunshine! They love their jobs, and they have many wonderful children!

Now I am aware that this may just be a front for what is really going on in their lives. Obviously, if they are having marital problems or their children are troublemakers they won't admit that.

But they are always going on about how happy they are! They make lots of money! Their families are wonderful!

They are doctors or lawyers or run successful businesses!

Some people from my high school class don't have Facebook pages. I wonder why? Are they not successful enough?

It makes me feel like such a failure, both professionally and personally.

A good thing is that reading these Facebook pages has made me make profound changes in my life.

I am happily married (I just got married last year for the first time!) I have a wonderful step-daughter and mother-in-law. I don't know if I would have taken the plunge if it wasn't for Facebook. My husband and I lived together for years, but I finally wanted that "commitment." After all, we plan to stay together forever.

I am starting a business, but because of health problems it's taking a lot of time. I also have very little money, due to very stupid decisions that I have made in the past.

I hope to make my business into a very successful one, but it will take a year or two. I am finally going to use my college degree doing something that I love!

Do you ever feel like you've failed because of what you read on Facebook?
I do at times. Seeing friends (or not friends) from an affulent HS I went to and what their careers are gets me down sometimes.

However, at the end of the day, I realize I had to deal with more to get where I am at. The "more successful" people had a more stable home life with more affluent parents, so they got a "jump start", while I started behind the 8-ball with a broken home and a single mother who just made enough to eat, so if anything I had to work harder than others to get where I am at.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:25 AM
 
2,681 posts, read 4,003,853 times
Reputation: 1334
Yes, I get this way sometimes too. But like you said, it could be just a front. I don't know how old you are but I am 30, female. At this age, most people that I went to high school/college with are married and have one or two small children. I am in great relationship with my partner and we plan on having kids as soon as all these tests come back normal! I am happy in my life and the only thing we both feel we are missing now is a little baby of our own. So seeing all these people having kids is what depresses me. However, I then think about what they are not showing on FB, and how much they really do like their jobs, social lives etc. With a 50-60% divorce rate, that means a lot of them will be there in 10 years or so. Not that I am wishing that on them, just that it seems to be an inevitable fact

In the end, I think we need to set goals for ourselves and realize that what we do is important and "successful" also. I mean unless you are a bum living under a bridge, I think you're doing OK. Be happy for them and you'll feel better about your life too.

Sounds like you're doing great though! What kind of business may I ask?
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:27 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,691 posts, read 3,586,367 times
Reputation: 3557
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I do at times. Seeing friends (or not friends) from an affulent HS I went to and what their careers are gets me down sometimes.

However, at the end of the day, I realize I had to deal with more to get where I am at. The "more successful" people had a more stable home life with more affluent parents, so they got a "jump start", while I started behind the 8-ball with a broken home and a single mother who just made enough to eat, so if anything I had to work harder than others to get where I am at.
The reasons for my own difficulties were all self-imposed. I caused my own troubles. Most of the people in my high school were on about the same level of affluence.

That is what frustrates me. I could be just as successful, but I get in my own way.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:29 AM
 
2,681 posts, read 4,003,853 times
Reputation: 1334
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I do at times. Seeing friends (or not friends) from an affulent HS I went to and what their careers are gets me down sometimes.

However, at the end of the day, I realize I had to deal with more to get where I am at. The "more successful" people had a more stable home life with more affluent parents, so they got a "jump start", while I started behind the 8-ball with a broken home and a single mother who just made enough to eat, so if anything I had to work harder than others to get where I am at.
^^This too!!! Although I wasn't raised by a single mother, my mother and step-father took zero interest in anything I was doing. Never went to sports games, never paid for any trips, never bought me cars or the like. I went to an affluent HS as well. Due to my insecurities I had an eating disorder when I was 14 which stayed with me for a while. I had to work get things, I had to work to have a car, I had to work to go to college and all through this I had no support from my parents - just comments about how a waitressing job was beneath me and no matter what grades I got it wasn't good enough. Actually nothing was good enough.

I've gotten over all of this now and learned a lot. I hope to share this with a child of mine. I know that no matter how much money we have, they are going to have a great childhood.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:30 AM
 
2,681 posts, read 4,003,853 times
Reputation: 1334
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewJerseyMemories View Post
The reasons for my own difficulties were all self-imposed. I caused my own troubles. Most of the people in my high school were on about the same level of affluence.

That is what frustrates me. I could be just as successful, but I get in my own way.
I know what you mean, but since you can't change the past, you have to change the future. Forget all that and focus on the now. What are your priorities? What are your goals? Focus on them and forget the rest.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:31 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,691 posts, read 3,586,367 times
Reputation: 3557
Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
Yes, I get this way sometimes too. But like you said, it could be just a front. I don't know how old you are but I am 30, female. At this age, most people that I went to high school/college with are married and have one or two small children. I am in great relationship with my partner and we plan on having kids as soon as all these tests come back normal! I am happy in my life and the only thing we both feel we are missing now is a little baby of our own. So seeing all these people having kids is what depresses me. However, I then think about what they are not showing on FB, and how much they really do like their jobs, social lives etc. With a 50-60% divorce rate, that means a lot of them will be there in 10 years or so. Not that I am wishing that on them, just that it seems to be an inevitable fact

In the end, I think we need to set goals for ourselves and realize that what we do is important and "successful" also. I mean unless you are a bum living under a bridge, I think you're doing OK. Be happy for them and you'll feel better about your life too.

Sounds like you're doing great though! What kind of business may I ask?
The problem is that I graduated from high school more than 20 years ago. So many of my high school classmates have children in college.

I am starting a writing business. I have a background in journalism, but I want to work for myself. I plan to write books, magazine articles, essays, and do some corporate writing. There is practically no overhead and will decide what I want to write. I am currently working on a book.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:33 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,691 posts, read 3,586,367 times
Reputation: 3557
Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
^^This too!!! Although I wasn't raised by a single mother, my mother and step-father took zero interest in anything I was doing. Never went to sports games, never paid for any trips, never bought me cars or the like. I went to an affluent HS as well. Due to my insecurities I had an eating disorder when I was 14 which stayed with me for a while. I had to work get things, I had to work to have a car, I had to work to go to college and all through this I had no support from my parents - just comments about how a waitressing job was beneath me and no matter what grades I got it wasn't good enough. Actually nothing was good enough.

I've gotten over all of this now and learned a lot. I hope to share this with a child of mine. I know that no matter how much money we have, they are going to have a great childhood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
I know what you mean, but since you can't change the past, you have to change the future. Forget all that and focus on the now. What are your priorities? What are your goals? Focus on them and forget the rest.
Fortunately, I had good parents and a comfortable home when I was growing up. I miss it. It's so hard when you get older and your parents die and/or get Alzheimer's.

If it wasn't for my husband, I'd feel all alone in the world (most of my relatives live in Europe, and I've never met most of them).
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:35 AM
 
2,681 posts, read 4,003,853 times
Reputation: 1334
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewJerseyMemories View Post
The problem is that I graduated from high school more than 20 years ago. So many of my high school classmates have children in college.

I am starting a writing business. I have a background in journalism, but I want to work for myself. I plan to write books, magazine articles, essays, and do some corporate writing. There is practically no overhead and will decide what I want to write. I am currently working on a book.
Do you want kids? You can still try for a child, there is a lot of technology out there, but at your age it's pushing it. If not, adopt. It's a pain in the a$$ process, but I'm sure worth it in the end. If you are well off you could always have a surrogate with donor eggs. You just have to figure out what you want and how far you are willing to go and get it.

A former co-worker of mine met her now husband later in life also and they opted for no children. They enjoy each other. The both work so they splurge on a pool for the summer and a big screen TV because they are both huge football fans. So they joy in that. They are also running a successful home business. They've been through a lot between her changing careers and him being long-term unemployed, but I think you have to play with the cards you are dealt.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Southern California
6,550 posts, read 8,930,295 times
Reputation: 6596
I don't really give a care how people I barely knew, but knew of back in HS are doing. For me, I may look up some people due to idle curiosity & that's it. I sure don't obsess over it. But, I can understand how seeing a whole bunch of successful people in one's same age group can help influence someone else...hopefully for the better. For example, visiting FB once or twice to see how many people have good jobs & then saying to yourself that you need to return to college, etc. is one thing, but getting all obsessed & spending like a whole month almost 24/7 looking up as many people as you can in your high school & seeing every facet of what they're doing is a whole other thing.

I personally have gotten off to a late start with everything that most people do in life: Having the good/dream job, marriage, kids, house, so I don't get bothered by how soon others do things like that. I already know MOST people have "beat me to the punch" so to speak in those major areas & I don't even need to look at FB.

As long as the person remembers that not everyone lives by the same mold of graduating from college at age 22, getting that dream job by 24, getting married by 26, then having that house by 28, then who's to say what's right & wrong? Everyone does things at their own pace.
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