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Old 02-08-2013, 11:40 AM
 
Location: The Mitten
835 posts, read 1,201,338 times
Reputation: 730

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I absolutely hate doing that but I've tried to fix this problem and to no avail. It has prevented me to meeting new people and possible dates. The thing is assuming how a conversation goes way before it happens.

I know that most people won't acknowledge this problem but any advice, please?
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,633,562 times
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I don't understand your question.

Are you talking about self-defeating behavior?
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:17 PM
 
Location: The Mitten
835 posts, read 1,201,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I don't understand your question.

Are you talking about self-defeating behavior?
Exactly, or just assuming a conversation will go badly before it even happens. It just sucks, I walked out of bar on singles night because I assumed all the girls wouldn't be interested or already found a date.
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:58 PM
 
2,094 posts, read 3,260,247 times
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So you din't even try to talk to anyone on singles night? Love your user name-everytime I see it I end up singing the theme song from the old Top Cat cartoon.TOPCAT!!
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Old 02-08-2013, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,623 posts, read 2,348,587 times
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Remind yourself to give people a chance to be themselves - not the role you've cast them in. Be genuinely interested in them, listen to them and you will find that everyone can and will surprise you.

And if that's too big of a step - make it a bet. Go ahead and have your imaginary conversation, but then go have a real one where you put aside your assumptions and are open to accepting others, and then afterwards compare that to how you thought they'd be.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:17 PM
 
Location: The Mitten
835 posts, read 1,201,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 8635angelvalley View Post
So you din't even try to talk to anyone on singles night? Love your user name-everytime I see it I end up singing the theme song from the old Top Cat cartoon.TOPCAT!!
Thanks, that was a favorite of mine, too.

As for the singles night, yeah I made it a bust. I got a beer, looked around, chugged the beer down and left. I usually open up more with a little liquid courage, but no dice. Then again I let my window of opportunity become pretty small.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:49 PM
 
13,392 posts, read 16,928,732 times
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mitopcat...sometimes I do that...and I always find things went waaaay better than I had figured they would. I think sometimes it's easy to assume the worst, though inevitably, it's never as bad as you think..So just be brave and you'll find out it's true..goodluck.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:33 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,250 posts, read 10,313,890 times
Reputation: 6414
It sounds like a cognitive "bad habit". Can be difficult to break those by yourself. Perhaps a session or two of therapy, and you may be able to find a better cognitive habit for dealing with potentially difficult situations.
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Old 02-08-2013, 06:35 PM
 
112 posts, read 269,788 times
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I used to do that. I would anticipate what I would say, what the other person would say, then how I would respond, then how they would respond. And I would do through the entire conversation. I could actually get into a fight with a person in my head.
One day I told some one about this and his response was "wow. wouldn't life be much more interesting if you lived it instead of just thinking you did???"
I started "living in the moment" and although it was difficult it worked. Life is much better in the present.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:35 AM
 
Location: New Haven, CT
1,033 posts, read 3,719,743 times
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Stop thinking about it so much, who cares if you bomb? move on to the next one, one person wont get your humor, then someone else will make you genuinely laugh...which I bet you didnt think was even possible. In that case things will flow.

I always say to myself....Youll probably never see these people again anyways.

sounds like your over analyzing things.....the last thing you want to do in a bar where most people are living in the moment.

Most of my bar conversations come out of thin air over some stupid comment or a question.

example that happened to me maybe a month ago: Im standing across the bar having my beer, theres 2 chicks drinking their drinks standing at the bar, both enjoying themselves. im about 5 feet away from them minding my own business. We make eye contact a couple times, shes smiling, im smiling yada yada..... She looks at me and says "are you watching me?" me being me i say with a smile, "yea I am".......Sounds creepy here in text but thats all it took and I hung out with these two chicks for the rest of the night and had a great time.


So dont assume things... I view that as a negative attitude, and thats not the best mind state to be in when you make approaches, Be light, happy, sarcastic, and honest...and for the love of god, [try to] REMEMBER their name and use it. It makes a big impression. Dont go crazy with it, but when you part your ways its a must, even if it sounds over the top.
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