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We are lucky in that we have a decent financial situation. I have a friend who struggles as a single mom and she sees our relative comfort as an invitation to borrow money. I never expect it back though she always claims it's a loan.
Recently we have been able to hire her freelance for some work and this has been a better arrangement than asking for money. She injured herself and can't do her regular job so despite the fact that I just paid her, she's asking for another loan. At 40 she is perpetually overdrawn. I just can't do it anymore.
I said "no sorry I can't." And she wanted an explanation. I didn't give one but just repeated that I can't help out. I thought it was pretty nervy to ask why. Has anyone been successful in cutting off this type of constant borrower?
Simply say that you and your spouse have decided on a policy of not loaning money to anyone anymore because you've been burned too many times in the past.
'Wanted an explanation'? Are you kidding me? How comfortable has this broad gotten? My dear god. Had this been me she would've walked away in tears, friendship ended.
The sheer audacity of some folks...but again, they can only get as comfortable as we allow them to.
Seriously, just end the friendship and communication. I'm 40 this year, and have a friend who's been a bit spotty all his life. Not married, etc. Had a 2nd chance (a real one) but blew it reverting back to his old ways. All he had to do was go to work from Monday to Friday, like all the rest of us drones, and run his retail business at the mall (that his parents fronted the loan for it.. the same franchise their parents own and he worked growing up).
But nope. At first he went and lived the boring life. But like Peter Pan, started to use his business like an ATM to fund trips, excess spending. So he got cut off from the business, family, etc. Came to his old friends begging for a loan to pay off another one (alot of gambling debt).
Now, I (several of us) lent him money when we were teenagers. Small amount now, but big back then. But he did pay back in other ways. i.e. buying lunch, etc. But this time, we were all extremely disappointed. And he still doesn't get it, and blames his parents for cutting him off.
So I 'gave' him a small amount, and basically, saw it as "buying out the friendship". In your case, you already have many loans outstanding. I explained since I have 2 small young children, and given our expenses, my wife would be pissed and I couldn't just loan money on the side. It would be difficult. He understood in that he didn't want any of the wives finding out.
Stick to your guns. Another friend who went through a dark times said people just have to hit rock bottom sometimes. That friend got a job recently as a Bus Operator for transit system, and is living the 'boring' life but grinding it out for the pay check.
Your friend has been Peter Pan. You should feel no guilt for her situation, and she needs to really change up her priorities and standards regarding her job like my friend who accepted to being a bus operator. If you really want to be nice, say you have spending requirements too, and the budget you spent on her has been exceeded. Ultimately, if you have to, point to your partner that spending decisions are made together and that other spending is required and therefore, you are not able to 'help' out, as your friend likely won't be 'confronting' your partner.
Simply say that you and your spouse have decided on a policy of not loaning money to anyone anymore because you've been burned too many times in the past.
Sounds like a good follow-up to saying "No, I/we can't loan you any money". It is nice that you tried to help out in the past but your friend is clearly taking advantage of your generosity.
My good friend is wealthy because of very hard work, a good job and being frugal. He will never loan money to friends but will help them with a budget and/or by managing their money.
One good example, is a young couple (very good friends of his) that got into serious debt. Instead of "throwing money at the problem" by paying off all or part of their debt he helped them solve the problem by cutting expenses to the bone. Since they lived on the bus line, he suggested to them to sell both of their cars (which was a hassle but a huge savings). Plus do all the little things of frugal living, if you need something buy it at a thrift shop, carry a bag lunch to work, cook from scratch, etc. etc. I believe that they also got part-time jobs/side gigs. They followed his advice and within a relatively short time (I believe two years) had paid off the debt. They continued their frugal ways and saved enough money for the down payment on a house. This was a long time ago, but the couple still thanks my friend for giving them such good advice and (apparently) never had financial problems again.
I'm not sure if he actually took away their checkbooks and credit cards and gave them "an allowance" each week out of their paychecks but I think that he has done that in other cases.
You probably do not want to get that involved but it is something to consider if she is a very good friend.
I never let it get to that point. I will sometimes let friends and family borrow money, with the expectation that I won't get paid back. Due to this expectation, however, the "loan" will only be a small one. There are only a handful of friends and family that I'd loan larger sums of money to, knowing that I'd actually get paid back. But, even in those cases, I would refuse to make it a habit and just say that I can't accommodate them if they repeatedly sought out such loans. They don't need to know why and have a harsh response coming if they dare ask me why.
Now, I've borrowed a substantial sum from a very close friend before (like $500), which is something I was loathe to do but I knew (as did my friend) that I was good for the money and would fork it over as soon as my check came in the following day or two.
I never let it get to that point. I will sometimes let friends and family borrow money, with the expectation that I won't get paid back. Due to this expectation, however, the "loan" will only be a small one. There are only a handful of friends and family that I'd loan larger sums of money to, knowing that I'd actually get paid back. But, even in those cases, I would refuse to make it a habit and just say that I can't accommodate them if they repeatedly sought out such loans. They don't need to know why and have a harsh response coming if they dare ask me why.
Now, I've borrowed a substantial sum from a very close friend before (like $500), which is something I was loathe to do but I knew (as did my friend) that I was good for the money and would fork it over as soon as my check came in the following day or two.
This is how it's done. I've thrown in an extra hundred to a friend I borrowed from once--he was there when I needed him and he knew I wasn't a risk, even after a former friend he'd known longer stiffed him for a couple thousand. All this did was strengthen our mutual trust and friendship.
We are lucky in that we have a decent financial situation. I have a friend who struggles as a single mom and she sees our relative comfort as an invitation to borrow money. I never expect it back though she always claims it's a loan.
Recently we have been able to hire her freelance for some work and this has been a better arrangement than asking for money. She injured herself and can't do her regular job so despite the fact that I just paid her, she's asking for another loan. At 40 she is perpetually overdrawn. I just can't do it anymore.
I said "no sorry I can't." And she wanted an explanation. I didn't give one but just repeated that I can't help out. I thought it was pretty nervy to ask why. Has anyone been successful in cutting off this type of constant borrower?
You are actually helping her out by not making it easy for her. She will be forced to find another way.
Yes, pretty nervy to ask why.
I also had a friend I paid to do something for me, and now I no longer need her services. She is telling me long sad stories about how broke she is and how she hopes the town will give an extension of time on property taxes because they are late sending out the statements this year, but she's broke because SHE in turn lent money to a serial borrower friend of hers as well as her adult son.
I have no sympathy for the woman she keeps lending money to. That secondary person is constantly shopping, both at the mall and on the home shopping network. Her house is full of items she will never wear or use.
I have no sympathy for the son, either, but that's her own damn fault. She will say, "He owes me so much money, but I will NEVER ASK him for it." He knows that, too, doesn't he?
Wow does she have nerve. I would just cut her off completely, not even give her freelance work. She'll keep trying to get money from you.
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