Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My extended family (parents, brother and I including spouses, etc) have two long standing annual get togethers. Brother hosts Thanksgiving, I host Labor Day. As I was arranging for my annual event my brother called me and said "Don't bother. We can't make that weekend. And, by the way, we won't be hosting our annual event any longer."
As time went by I got some details from him as to why, and politely expressed my frustration over how he had dealt with the situation. We agreed that this year he would come to my house for Thanksgiving on Wed evening-Sat. morning. He is now reneging on this, and will only come Thursday afternoon-Sat. morning. FYI-Due to 6 hour travel times this means he will be effectively spending only one day at the event.
Frankly, it feels like he is coming strictly out of a sense of perfunctory duty.
I am torn as to how to react. I don't want someone at my table that isn't as excited to see me as I am to see them.
As my kiddos were in college and early marriages I insisted on "My Share" of Holiday times and everyone complied.
Then I began traveling during holiday times and gave them time to decompress and re-think about what they really wanted to do.
Now there is more of an attraction, it happened naturally without force or "but we Always do it this way" Now every year is different and a surprise. Def better than what I could have dreamed up on my own.
Something happened with your brother and he feels the need to pull away, so let him... while letting him know he is always welcome. Let him find his way back by attraction not by coercion.
I would be a gracious host and understand that traveling the day before Thanksgiving is probably one of the most hellish experiences an American can suffer through and only a masochist would do so voluntarily. Really. Cut your brother some slack on that. My family loved that I would come in early on Thanksgiving morning. My mother appreciated the excuse to get my father out of the house so she could cook in peace--picking me up at the airport.
The great thing about being a host is that you can choose to be one or not. Your brother chose not to be. That's his right. I can understand how the abrupt way he handled it might chafe a bit, but the actual decision to host or not to host a big production like Thanksgiving is up to him. No one is ever under any obligation to feed and entertain others.
And frankly, I would be more concerned that maybe something is going on with my brother--depression, job loss, financial strain, marital strife, illness, etc.--than anything else, even if he was a bit chilly in announcing his departure from tradition, and maybe especially so.
I would be a gracious host and understand that traveling the day before Thanksgiving is probably one of the most hellish experiences an American can suffer through and only a masochist would do so voluntarily. Really. Cut your brother some slack on that. My family loved that I would come in early on Thanksgiving morning. My mother appreciated the excuse to get my father out of the house so she could cook in peace--picking me up at the airport.
The great thing about being a host is that you can choose to be one or not. Your brother chose not to be. That's his right. I can understand how the abrupt way he handled it might chafe a bit, but the actual decision to host or not to host a big production like Thanksgiving is up to him. No one is ever under any obligation to feed and entertain others.
And frankly, I would be more concerned that maybe something is going on with my brother--depression, job loss, financial strain, marital strife, illness, etc.--than anything else, even if he was a bit chilly in announcing his departure from tradition.
Brother is driving-not as hellish as flying. And a known issue when plans were made. I have same issue when going his direction.
I have no issue with his desire not to host Thanksgiving-and he knows it. He also knows that how he announced cancellation of both events at once chafed. It came across as "I'm not coming to your place. You aren't welcome to mine." He has clarified this was not his intent.
Am concerned about brother. That's part of the reason I'm gathering opinions.
Brother is driving-not as hellish as flying. And a known issue when plans were made. I have same issue when going his direction.
I have no issue with his desire not to host Thanksgiving-and he knows it. He also knows that how he announced cancellation of both events at once chafed.
Am concerned about brother. That's part of the reason I'm gathering opinions.
Okay. It seemed you were insulted that he couldn't stay as long as you want him to. It could be worse: Most people complain that their guests stay TOO long.
Maybe you should just call him and talk about whatever is bothering him. Let him know that you're there to listen to him, you understand if he's having a tough time, and that you're there for him if he needs you.
OP, you said you have gotten some details as to "why" since he made the announcement prior to Labor Day. What were the details that he shared with you?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
